Calling all parents

[Bigfoot]

Side note:
I was talking a friend of mine, who's kids have already gone through. His kids were super competitive, and tried hard etc. We were talking about how expensive it is. He said if somebody brought him a sack of hundred dollars bills. One for every hundred dollar bill he'd spent on rodeo, and they told him he could trade the memories for the sack of money, he'd leave the money on the table.

One thing to remember........Much of my expense is fixed cost, that won't change if we cut back. Entry fees, and time will be all I'm saving. I'm also afraid, I want the time for myself.

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

You'll have lots of time to yourself when they're grown and gone.

Do as many of these events as you can find. Be thankful you can all share the experience. Lots of kids today don't want to be seen with their parents let alone spend this kind of time with them.

I count you as a lucky man.

 

[Son of Butch]

I'm heading one direction with a kid, and a horse, and my wife is heading the other direction
with two kids, and 4 horses.

That's not family time, that's a rat race.
I still say cut back to 10 this year and if the kids really want it, I bet they can talk you into 17 or 18 next year.
Sometimes everyone enjoys it more when not taking it for granted.

 

[Craig Miller]

I dont think hes talking about not spending time with his kids if these events stop. I'm sure he will still be doing things with them in other areas. We let the kids play one sport per year each and one full time hobby. One plays piano. One takes karate. One takes ballet. The money wasn't a leading cause behind this decision. Time was. We enjoy doing the sports with them but we also enjoy the home time. You can do things with them without it being structured time and still gain just the same amount of memories. I will not offer advice on what you should do but I will say if I had to spend a weekend with my family in two different places I wouldn't like it.
When we decided to cut back on sports I asked mine what they thought about only playing one sport (I had already made my mind up to do it, but wandered what they thought about it). Turns out they were each only playing because they could or because the other was playing and each really one liked one sport. They each chose a different sport and are happier now just doing the one.

 

[Bigfoot]

You'll have lots of time to yourself when they're grown and gone.

You may have got me with that one.

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

You'll have lots of time to yourself when they're grown and gone.

You may have got me with that one.

I know I do, I'm there now. My kids are all in their early 20s and I miss basketball games, travel soccer, swim meets and the like. Young adults are fine but kids are the bomb!

 

[Till-Hill]

My parents summer going into 9th grade said Baseball (and I had to stay in town with Grandma) or Rodeo. I was never any good at riding bulls but I loved it. My sister did timed events. I was just getting into bull dogging but the horse was just more than I KNEW MY PARENTS could afford so I went to work and never looked back. I appreciate my parents for the opportunities they gave me and have no regrets. A few of my uncles were pretty mad I quit football that fall and wrestling too but now being 31 I know I didn't miss out on anything. I've always wanted to be a farmer and run cows. Now with a 2 year old I'm nervous to be in your spot some day Bigfoot. I'm guessing whatever you decide your kids will respect you for it. If not today in a few years.

 

[Cabo]

Anybody ever faced a tough decision with money and kids?

I think these go together like peas and carrots.

IMO, children are much smarter than many parents give them credit and what they need is good guidance that has a clear concise set of rules making it clear as to the rewards and the punishment. I learned early not to fund my children's hobbies because they didn't fully appreciate my efforts nor did they appreciate and excel in the hobby to its fullest.

Instead, I rewarded them with a loose reign and the more they did good the more freedoms and opportunities they were given and I wouldn't hesitate to pull back hard on the reigns if necessary.

Probably the closest thing I had come to your situation was my son's love of soccer. He was very good and loved the sport and wanted to join a regional soccer team which meant my having to drive him over an hour to practice three times a week. I did not want to do this but he had fulfilled his obligations under my system and my not driving him would have been, in my eyes and more importantly in his, a breach of our agreement so I did it even though it was very inconvenient.

Fast forward, he went on to play semi-professional ball, could have gone pro but he chose to go to college and was offered a sports and/or a scholastic scholarship which he chose the latter but the soccer coach still added money to his tuition so he would play college ball. After graduation he still continued with his soccer thru helping disadvantaged children and through his participation in this he met someone who just opened the doors to a once in a lifetime opportunity which will be utterly priceless in his career.

In summary, you need to stay consistent because if you change the rules for no reason in the middle of the game your children are apt to buck and this is never good for either of you.

The most sound advice I have ever read on raising children. I raised 4 using that line of thinking and they all turned out to be a pleasure to me as well as good citizens.

 

[tom4018]

I would make a mutual decision with my wife. One comment I would have is on the rodeos you do go too, why not gives the kids the opportunity to pay for more events and you pay for the two? Is there any money prizes? If so do the kids pay for some expenses?

Hard to ask someone else what to do in your own family though.
I worry that I made some big mistakes with my son but feel like my daughter turned out ok. I worry that my sone will make it in the real world. Will be my biggest failure.

 

[SJB]

i'd like to talk about the notion of not worrying about spending money on our children as long as we can work an extra shift or whatever to pay for it. i'm not sure i can agree with that.

the way i look at it, my job is to set an example for my children to learn from. do i really want to set an example that money doesn't matter, as long as you're having fun with your family? or do i want to set the example that spending money in a responsible manner while having fun with the family is ok? this might be a good chance for a life and economics lesson. you can spend time together doing fun stuff without spending $$$ on rodeo.

 

[Bigfoot]

And to add insult to the injury of deciding. I walked in this evening, and they had both trailers loaded, and one hooked up. All the horses caught and ready to load. In other words, my physical contribution is just now becoming less. Used to be a pretty big pain dealing with 3 kids, and 5 horses. They pretty much do it now, and now I'm wanting to cut back.

 

[skyhightree1]

i'd like to talk about the notion of not worrying about spending money on our children as long as we can work an extra shift or whatever to pay for it. i'm not sure i can agree with that.

the way i look at it, my job is to set an example for my children to learn from. do i really want to set an example that money doesn't matter, as long as you're having fun with your family? or do i want to set the example that spending money in a responsible manner while having fun with the family is ok? this might be a good chance for a life and economics lesson.

I would like to address the part about money doesn't matter... I said I don't give a shyt about money. If I were leaving beyond my means lights getting turned off etc losing stuff getting repoed and spend money on the kids just to have fun is a bad bad example for kids to see... My kids seeing there parents working hard daily and buying whatever we want and whatever we think they should have or want to make them happy. I see that as an perfect example of if you work hard and kids see that and that you have the $$ to maintain a household and buy extra stuff needed and buy things that are a want but not needed. I think you took that example out of context. Theres no lesson like a lifes lesson. If you can't spend your money on your family you love what good is it?

 

[Bigfoot]

Never think about what you spend on your children. Just enjoy every minute that you can with them. I have been looking back at pictures of my daughter when she was two and three. I would give anything to go back and enjoy those years some more. I spent many hours with my daughter doing things that she wanted to do, which involved many out of town trips. I am so thankful for those times that we had together .
She made me feel good one day this week when she texted me and said she wished other people had good relationships with their parents like she has. I feel that everything I have is hers ,too. She and her husband are very successful, but I still enjoy sharing with them.
Young parents , please spend quality time with your children. Enjoy them while you can. They don't wait on us to find time, they go on and grow up. You will never regret any time or money that you spend on your children. They are a precious gift to all parents.

That's some good advice.

 

[Bigfoot]

I would make a mutual decision with my wife. One comment I would have is on the rodeos you do go too, why not gives the kids the opportunity to pay for more events and you pay for the two? Is there any money prizes? If so do the kids pay for some expenses?

Hard to ask someone else what to do in your own family though.
I worry that I made some big mistakes with my son but feel like my daughter turned out ok. I worry that my sone will make it in the real world. Will be my biggest failure.

There is some money to be won. I have always matched what they won, and we "say" it's for college.

 

[Bestoutwest]

When the family is going in different directions, maybe it's time to cut back. $1,000 in a weekend is an awful lot to pay for a hobby. What would that do for a college education? If you added it up over the year, where would those savings accounts be for an education? I'm all for fun and hobbies, but there's a limit. I've already told my wife that I'm not so hot on the idea of travel sports leagues if our son shows the prospect for one. It's a lot of commitment and for what? It all comes down to priorities. Bigfoot, I think your mind and your heart are in the right spot. It's going to be a tough conversation, but I think you're in the right. Good luck to you, sir. I'm sure you'll need it.

 

[Boot Jack Bulls]

My family used to be much like yours Bigfoot. We were on the road every weekend for a horse event. That is, until one parent decided they would be able to work less if we didn't have such an expensive hobby. Now, most of my family has nothing to do with horses. My brother is one of the best horsemen I can think of, won't even have one on the place. We also have almost nothing to do with that parent. Bitter? Yes! It's not just that the hobby was taken from us, but that something else was chosen over a family activity that mean SO much to all of us. Now, we show cattle. Some years we jackpot all summer, some times we just sneak in the majors. Our family vacations are beef expos, sales, show, etc. Not Disneyland. Regardless, when we hit the road, whoever put in the time and elbow grease gets to go. I can already tell that my young daughter will be very hard on her daddy's pocket book for the next couple of decades, but the memories she has already given us will make it all worth it. I would work with the kids to figure out a schedule that works for everyone. If I'm guessing right, they have good heads on their shoulders and may surprise you with a good plan.

 

[cow pollinater]

I think you're doing them a disservice by giving them all they want if you don't limit them. Make them pick and choose which events they can go to and sit them down and get them involved in the finances of it. As adults they won't be able to afford to do whatever they want and they won't be able to fit it all in so teach them how to do that now or get ready to deal with spoiled adults.

 

[chippie]

I didn't read all of the replies. I understand what you mean. Our kids showed horses and our youngest played select softball. All expensive, however that was years ago and the economy was much better than it is now.
I think that cow pollinater gave good sound advice. They are older and it is a good time for them to learn about the reality of the cost and time. They will learn life skills that will stand them in good stead. You are a good father and role model. they are fortunate to have you as their Dad.

The good thing about horses is that they can still enjoy them as adults. Ours do and I do too.

 

[hurleyjd]

I'm feeling guilty.........We rodeo. In a normal year, we will go to 25 youth rodeos. That's a lot, and its very expensive. Also, the kids enter every event there. Our rodeo season winds up in early June. The new year, will start immediately. I haven't told the kids yet, but I'm cutting them to 10 rodeos. They can also only enter there 2 favorite events. Not sure what the reaction will be. I'm to the point, that it doesn't really matter. Where just gone too much, and spending too much money. One ramification of this, is way less buckles, and zero chances at saddles. I know there is more to life, than buckles and saddles. I doubt they realize that now though. I'm feeling pretty guilty about it, because they love it so much. Some of these events we will be dropping are strictly "youth" events. The ones we will keep, are what i would consider lifetime activities. Anyway, if I wanted to, I could scare the cash to continue. Not saying who who look at me, but I could make it work. I'm just overwhelmed with guilt, for cutting them back. In other words, it's not that I can't afford it, it's more that I don't want to spend it.

Anybody ever faced a tough decision with money and kids?

Tell them that you and your wife need to start saving some money. Let them decide what 10 they want to attend and let it be that way. The lesson in all this is that money is important and you need to start saving for the future. Time for them to learn also to save.

 

[SJB]

Sky I wasn't singling your post out, and I didn't meant it to come off as high and mighty as it must have. There are several posters who came down on the side of the notion that the costs didn't matter as long as the family was doing stuff together and he could afford it.

I just happen to disagree with that notion. I understand your point, and respect it. I sure as heck am not saying you're wrong, or anybody else. Just wanted to add my $.02.