Calling all parents

[Bigfoot]

I'm feeling guilty.........We rodeo. In a normal year, we will go to 25 youth rodeos. That's a lot, and its very expensive. Also, the kids enter every event there. Our rodeo season winds up in early June. The new year, will start immediately. I haven't told the kids yet, but I'm cutting them to 10 rodeos. They can also only enter there 2 favorite events. Not sure what the reaction will be. I'm to the point, that it doesn't really matter. Where just gone too much, and spending too much money. One ramification of this, is way less buckles, and zero chances at saddles. I know there is more to life, than buckles and saddles. I doubt they realize that now though. I'm feeling pretty guilty about it, because they love it so much. Some of these events we will be dropping are strictly "youth" events. The ones we will keep, are what i would consider lifetime activities. Anyway, if I wanted to, I could scare the cash to continue. Not saying who who look at me, but I could make it work. I'm just overwhelmed with guilt, for cutting them back. In other words, it's not that I can't afford it, it's more that I don't want to spend it.

Anybody ever faced a tough decision with money and kids?

 

[M-5]

Yep, Pageants , travel ball - Your the adult make the decision and move on. The up side is with less events they can concentrate on being better at the events they enter. With a better schedule they will enjoy more free time. Don't take this the wrong way but these parents that run 365days a year just to keep little johnny and suzie occupied have lost touch with reality. Most of the time the parents are only doing it because they are to old and fat to do it themselves and it impresses the jones down the street.

 

[skyhightree1]

Personally my money I make is my kids money and they can take every dime if they are doing something that makes them happy. If its something where money is tight and it comes between a necessity and there fun I got to pay the bills and take care of my responsibilities. However, I am like this I got enough money in the bank for some rainy days but I spend a lot too. I work to spend it and have fun and buy what I want. When you close your eyes you cant take it with you so I buy whatever kids want as long as they are being good and upholding there obligations such as school work. I would much rather spend my life spending a lot of money on them seeing how happy they are and experiencing it with them then them getting a check after im gone. I tend to see things differently than most but after having almost died it changed my outlook and money don't mean SHYT to me happiness and fun does.

 

[D2Cat]

Why not have a family meeting. Let them know about the issues to time and cost, and explain why they are important to you as dad. Make sure they realize there will be less buckles and saddles, which are their motivators.

Then, ask them for a solution. Let them be part of the solution. They might come up with something that will surprise you. Ask them think about it for a few days, then get back together to come to a conclusion.

They'll feel better and so will you.

I think it was John Lyons who said, "Make the right thing easy and the wrong thing difficult." Works well with humans to!

 

[ropinranger]

I am in the middle on this one. I don't know if I would cut them to 10 from 25. I would cut down to around 15 or so. I do feel too many parents do way too much for their children in today's world. It adds into their feeling of entitlement..since I teach a whole lot of 18-21 year olds that is one of the biggest hurdles we face, getting them to learn that they aren't automatically "special" and they aren't going to be "catered" to. On the other hand, I am right with Sky -- live life to the fullest with your family while you can....

My youngest was a San Angelo Rodeo riding ambassador(performed at 8-15 rodeos a year-some were 3 day rodeos we had to stay at), cheerleader, basketball and volleyball player, etc...when she wanted to join a travelling volleyball team we told her she would have to drop another of her "events" to do so...she chose not to be on the travelling team. We could've paid for it, but we felt it was just too much...she understood.

 

[Commercialfarmer]

Well, I think moderation is a good thing. We're working to simplify our lives more so that we aren't being pulled too thin- unloading extra baggage from keeping us from doing what we should be doing.

I have split custody with my oldest girl. I wish I had more say in her schedule. Her mother has her doing something every dang night and some days multiple things besides a heavy school load. She's worn out by Friday. School soccer every morning at 7 am, a competitive league Tuesday and Thursdays for an hour to hour and a half in the evening. Saxophone in the jazz band Wed for the last 2 years, followed by piano lessons she's been taking since she was 4 with another teacher. That's besides practicing the flute- her regular band instament. I think competetive volleyball practice is on Monday, and we have an all day tournament tomorrow. Which leaves us Sunday to really see her and then half the time she's trying to get homework done.

It's ridiculous. Not healthy for her or for her ability to be part of the rest of our family.

The rest of the kids are pretty young, and they will be on a different path. I want them to treasure their family more than all these other activities. We do and we'll do stuff, but they will have to pick. And I refuse to feel guilty about that.

As far as money goes, I hope to show them responsibility. I think that is the most important thing I can do for them. If you need any assurance on sticking to your guns, listen to Dave periodically.

http://www.daveramsey.com/category/show/

 

[Bigfoot]

Good advice here, from everybody. It's a tough call.

 

[Jogeephus]

Anybody ever faced a tough decision with money and kids?

I think these go together like peas and carrots.

IMO, children are much smarter than many parents give them credit and what they need is good guidance that has a clear concise set of rules making it clear as to the rewards and the punishment. I learned early not to fund my children's hobbies because they didn't fully appreciate my efforts nor did they appreciate and excel in the hobby to its fullest.

Instead, I rewarded them with a loose reign and the more they did good the more freedoms and opportunities they were given and I wouldn't hesitate to pull back hard on the reigns if necessary.

Probably the closest thing I had come to your situation was my son's love of soccer. He was very good and loved the sport and wanted to join a regional soccer team which meant my having to drive him over an hour to practice three times a week. I did not want to do this but he had fulfilled his obligations under my system and my not driving him would have been, in my eyes and more importantly in his, a breach of our agreement so I did it even though it was very inconvenient.

Fast forward, he went on to play semi-professional ball, could have gone pro but he chose to go to college and was offered a sports and/or a scholastic scholarship which he chose the latter but the soccer coach still added money to his tuition so he would play college ball. After graduation he still continued with his soccer thru helping disadvantaged children and through his participation in this he met someone who just opened the doors to a once in a lifetime opportunity which will be utterly priceless in his career.

In summary, you need to stay consistent because if you change the rules for no reason in the middle of the game your children are apt to buck and this is never good for either of you.

 

[True Grit Farms]

Personally my money I make is my kids money and they can take every dime if they are doing something that makes them happy. If its something where money is tight and it comes between a necessity and there fun I got to pay the bills and take care of my responsibilities. However, I am like this I got enough money in the bank for some rainy days but I spend a lot too. I work to spend it and have fun and buy what I want. When you close your eyes you cant take it with you so I buy whatever kids want as long as they are being good and upholding there obligations such as school work. I would much rather spend my life spending a lot of money on them seeing how happy they are and experiencing it with them then them getting a check after im gone. I tend to see things differently than most but after having almost died it changed my outlook and money don't mean SHYT to me happiness and fun does.

Good post Sky, I feel the same way. Your kids will always be your kids, but they won't be kids forever. What you miss with the kids now you'll never get back.

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

Short of driving yourself into bankruptcy I say enjoy these times because they'll never come back around.

Don't cut back on the schedule, cut back elsewhere.

 

[Son of Butch]

I'm feeling guilty.........We rodeo. In a normal year, we will go to 25 youth rodeos. That's a lot, and its very expensive. Also, the kids enter every event there. Our rodeo season winds up in early June. The new year, will start immediately. I haven't told the kids yet, but I'm cutting them to 10 rodeos. They can also only enter there 2 favorite events. Not sure what the reaction will be. I'm to the point, that it doesn't really matter. We're just gone too much, and spending too much money. One ramification of this, is way less buckles, and zero chances at saddles. I know there is more to life, than buckles and saddles. I doubt they realize that now though. I'm feeling pretty guilty about it, because they love it so much. Some of these events we will be dropping are strictly "youth" events. The ones we will keep, are what i would consider lifetime activities. Anyway, if I wanted to, I could scare the cash to continue. Not saying who who look at me, but I could make it work. I'm just overwhelmed with guilt, for cutting them back. In other words, it's not that I can't afford it, it's more that I don't want to spend it.

Anybody ever faced a tough decision with money and kids?
Nope...pretty sure you must be the 1st one ever.

Sounds to me to be well reasoned and very responsible parenting.
As for being overwhelmed with guilt, just remember with responsible parenting comes tough love.
The thing about tough love is, when you really love them, it really is always tougher on the parent than the child.

 

[Bigfoot]

This weekend was the straw that broke the camels back. I'm heading one direction with a kid, and a horse, and my wife is heading the other direction with two kids, and 4 horses. Two trucks on the road, all the entry fees, it's just too much. It'll be over a $1000 dollars, when it's all said and done. That's a lot of cash, to throw at a hobby.

 

[Bigfoot]

Ha ha. Somebody just sent me this.

 

[skyhightree1]

It'll be over a $1000 dollars, when it's all said and done. That's a lot of cash, to throw at a hobby.

If you don't throw the money you earn at something you enjoy... What is it good for ? If it puts you in a financial bind of course not don't do it. If it doesn't YOU CANT TAKE THE MONEY WITH YOU.. It looks good seeing comas and a long line of numbers but the times and fun seen on kids faces is priceless to ME.

I would also like to add that a " Hobby" has turned into a career for many folks if seen by the right person or having the right skillset.

 

[Son of Butch]

This weekend was the straw that broke the camels back. I'm heading one direction with a kid, and a horse, and my wife is heading the other direction with two kids, and 4 horses. Two trucks on the road, all the entry fees, it's just too much. It'll be over a $1000 dollars, when it's all said and done. That's a lot of cash, to throw at a hobby.

Who would want a camel with a broken back?
Quality over quantity. Hobbies are for enjoyment. When it reaches the point of being a job, nobody is happy and the kids pick up on it too. Just make sure your wife is on board with it and life will be more enjoyable.
Sometimes less is more.

 

[SJB]

Man, what a hard question. I had a bunch of stuff typed but deleted it. I'd have to pray on this one a while.

 

[Bigfoot]

Man, what a hard question. I had a bunch of stuff typed but deleted it. I'd have to pray on this one a while.

I know, it's a tough call. Plus, the kids love it.

 

[Williamsv]

Never think about what you spend on your children. Just enjoy every minute that you can with them. I have been looking back at pictures of my daughter when she was two and three. I would give anything to go back and enjoy those years some more. I spent many hours with my daughter doing things that she wanted to do, which involved many out of town trips. I am so thankful for those times that we had together .
She made me feel good one day this week when she texted me and said she wished other people had good relationships with their parents like she has. I feel that everything I have is hers ,too. She and her husband are very successful, but I still enjoy sharing with them.
Young parents , please spend quality time with your children. Enjoy them while you can. They don't wait on us to find time, they go on and grow up. You will never regret any time or money that you spend on your children. They are a precious gift to all parents.

 

[talltimber]

So true. They grow up so fast.

Bigfoot, what's your wife think about your decision? Where does she stand with this? As you know, that matters. Big time. As in, I know people who ended up divorced when the wife/daughter had a fit after the rodeoing/barrel racing was shut down. Even though it was driving them to the poor house.

 

[Bigfoot]

She is only in on the social aspect of it. Talking with the other mothers etc. I'm thinking a weekend of being the point man might be good for her. She's hauled them to a barrel show or two, but never a full blown rodeo. We keep seperate money (probably not a good thing, and I don't even know how we started). She pays no rodeo expenses.