chrisy
Well-known member
David Beckham runs in early from training one afternoon and dashes to
the bedroom to find Posh spread out on the bed naked, puffing and
panting.
Becks asks her suspiciously "What are you doing?"
Posh stutters a reply "I'm - er, er.... I'm having a heart attack"
"Oh no" he cries in despair. "I'll call an ambulance". He runs
downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialling 999. However, he is
stopped in his tracks by a tearful Brooklyn. "What's the matter, son?"
asks Becks.
"Uncle Giggsy is in the wardrobe with no clothes on, daddy" sniffles
Brooklyn.
Infuriated by this, Beckham runs upstairs and kicks down the wardrobe
door. Sure enough, the carpet-chested Welshman is stood there, starkers.
"You w@nker Giggsy" screams Becks. "My wife is right over there having a
heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the sh!t out of
Brooklyn."
---------------------------------------------------------
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has
happened.
First body: "Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, inspector", says the Coroner.
Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent
it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one: Big Seamus Quinn
from Donegal, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his photo taken."
---------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the
salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer
screen".
The surprised salesman replies: - "But madam, computers do not have
curtains...".
And the blonde said: - "Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she
says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "No" she replies
"This time it's mayonnaise."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take the red one."
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
the bedroom to find Posh spread out on the bed naked, puffing and
panting.
Becks asks her suspiciously "What are you doing?"
Posh stutters a reply "I'm - er, er.... I'm having a heart attack"
"Oh no" he cries in despair. "I'll call an ambulance". He runs
downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialling 999. However, he is
stopped in his tracks by a tearful Brooklyn. "What's the matter, son?"
asks Becks.
"Uncle Giggsy is in the wardrobe with no clothes on, daddy" sniffles
Brooklyn.
Infuriated by this, Beckham runs upstairs and kicks down the wardrobe
door. Sure enough, the carpet-chested Welshman is stood there, starkers.
"You w@nker Giggsy" screams Becks. "My wife is right over there having a
heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the sh!t out of
Brooklyn."
---------------------------------------------------------
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has
happened.
First body: "Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, inspector", says the Coroner.
Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent
it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one: Big Seamus Quinn
from Donegal, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his photo taken."
---------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the
salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer
screen".
The surprised salesman replies: - "But madam, computers do not have
curtains...".
And the blonde said: - "Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she
says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "No" she replies
"This time it's mayonnaise."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take the red one."
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
