Campground Cattle
Well-known member
My Fellow Americans:
>As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been
>completed. Since
>congress does not want to spend any more money on this
>war, our mission
>in Iraq is complete.
>
>This morning I gave the order for a complete removal
>of all American
>forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within
>30 days. It is now
>to begin the reckoning.
>
>Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the
>names of countries
>which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict.
>This list is
>short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia,
>and Poland are
>some of the countries listed there.
>
>The other list contains everyone not on the first
>list. Most of the
>worlds nations are on that list. My press secretary
>will be distributing
>copies of both lists later this evening.
>
>Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
>foreign aid to those
>nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely.
>The money saved
>during the first year alone will pretty much pay for
>the costs of the
>Iraqi war.
>
>The American people are no longer going to pour money
>into third world
>Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat
>on corruption.
>
>Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic?
>Call France.
>
>In the future, together with Congress, I will work to
>redirect this
>money toward solving the vexing social problems we
>still have at home.
>On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw
>with us and we
>will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your
>friends from the face
>of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to
>terrorize? Try France, or
>maybe China.
>
>To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys.
>Work out a peace deal
>now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of
>you can go to
>Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces
>there. Big tables,
>too. I am ordering the immediate severing of
>diplomatic relations with
>France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help,
>comrades. We are
>retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
>I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin
>towing the many
>UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more
>than two unpaid
>parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be
>stripped, shredded
>and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty
>pertains to this. You
>creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay
>those tickets
>tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and
>limos be turned
>over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I
>love New York.
>
>A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2.
>Since we are
>likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you
>folks might want to
>try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on
>List 2. President
>Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an
>attitude
>adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and
>infantry divisions
>sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep,
>border security.
>So start doing something with your oil.
>Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the
>NAFTA treaty ---
>starting now.
>
>We are tired of the one-way highway.
>
>It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and
>its own citizens.
>Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be
>saying, "darn
>tootin."
>
>Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent
>life around the
>world has only earned us the undying enmity of just
>about everyone on
>the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America.
>It is time to
>eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to
>eliminate World Cup
>Soccer from America.
>To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks
>guys. We owe you and
>we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final
>thought. Drop dead.
>God bless America.
>Thank you and good night.
>
>If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are
>reading it in
>English, thank a soldier.
>As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been
>completed. Since
>congress does not want to spend any more money on this
>war, our mission
>in Iraq is complete.
>
>This morning I gave the order for a complete removal
>of all American
>forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within
>30 days. It is now
>to begin the reckoning.
>
>Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the
>names of countries
>which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict.
>This list is
>short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia,
>and Poland are
>some of the countries listed there.
>
>The other list contains everyone not on the first
>list. Most of the
>worlds nations are on that list. My press secretary
>will be distributing
>copies of both lists later this evening.
>
>Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
>foreign aid to those
>nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely.
>The money saved
>during the first year alone will pretty much pay for
>the costs of the
>Iraqi war.
>
>The American people are no longer going to pour money
>into third world
>Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat
>on corruption.
>
>Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic?
>Call France.
>
>In the future, together with Congress, I will work to
>redirect this
>money toward solving the vexing social problems we
>still have at home.
>On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw
>with us and we
>will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your
>friends from the face
>of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to
>terrorize? Try France, or
>maybe China.
>
>To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys.
>Work out a peace deal
>now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of
>you can go to
>Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces
>there. Big tables,
>too. I am ordering the immediate severing of
>diplomatic relations with
>France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help,
>comrades. We are
>retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
>I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin
>towing the many
>UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more
>than two unpaid
>parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be
>stripped, shredded
>and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty
>pertains to this. You
>creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay
>those tickets
>tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and
>limos be turned
>over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I
>love New York.
>
>A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2.
>Since we are
>likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you
>folks might want to
>try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on
>List 2. President
>Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an
>attitude
>adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and
>infantry divisions
>sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep,
>border security.
>So start doing something with your oil.
>Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the
>NAFTA treaty ---
>starting now.
>
>We are tired of the one-way highway.
>
>It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and
>its own citizens.
>Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be
>saying, "darn
>tootin."
>
>Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent
>life around the
>world has only earned us the undying enmity of just
>about everyone on
>the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America.
>It is time to
>eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to
>eliminate World Cup
>Soccer from America.
>To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks
>guys. We owe you and
>we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final
>thought. Drop dead.
>God bless America.
>Thank you and good night.
>
>If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are
>reading it in
>English, thank a soldier.