chrisy
Well-known member
> My thanks to all those who have sent me e-mails this past year........
> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue
> on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that
> needs sealing.
>
> Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
> Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
> $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
> in their special e-mail program .....Or from the senior bank clerk in
> Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a
> long
> lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
> for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
> buffalo on a hot day.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
> forward
> e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
>
> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove
> toilet stains.
>
> I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a
> serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
> perfume
> sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
> for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore
> and Uzbekistan.
>
> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
> African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
> bites my bum.
>
> And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found
> dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex
> molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
> minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this
> afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you
> to
> grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a
> friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
> cousin's beautician.
>
> Have a wonderful day!
>
> By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
> discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
> always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
>
> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.......
>
> The original of this email was scanned for viruses by the Government Secure
> Intranet Anti-Virus service supplied by Cable&Wireless in partnership with
> MessageLabs. (CCTM Certificate Number 2006/04/0007.) On leaving the GSi
> this email was certified virus free.
> Communications via the GSi may be automatically logged, monitored and/or
> recorded for legal purposes.
> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue
> on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that
> needs sealing.
>
> Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
> Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
> $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
> in their special e-mail program .....Or from the senior bank clerk in
> Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a
> long
> lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
> for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
> buffalo on a hot day.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
> forward
> e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
>
> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove
> toilet stains.
>
> I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a
> serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
> perfume
> sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
> for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore
> and Uzbekistan.
>
> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
> African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
> bites my bum.
>
> And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found
> dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex
> molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
> minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this
> afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you
> to
> grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a
> friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
> cousin's beautician.
>
> Have a wonderful day!
>
> By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
> discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
> always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
>
> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.......
>
> The original of this email was scanned for viruses by the Government Secure
> Intranet Anti-Virus service supplied by Cable&Wireless in partnership with
> MessageLabs. (CCTM Certificate Number 2006/04/0007.) On leaving the GSi
> this email was certified virus free.
> Communications via the GSi may be automatically logged, monitored and/or
> recorded for legal purposes.
