My FIL had dementia. So far, we've been able to keep him in his house. He has no memory of the death of his wife a few months ago, ne never ask about her or mentions her. It was so weird. She stayed in the bedroom for months with someone there taking care of her. He'd walk by to go to the bathroom and never say a word. I hear that in some dementias you lose compassion. He stopped talking to her way before this, but would speak if talked to. She hated she had no good conversations with him the past year....Now, we kept the sitter, she orders his food, keeps the house clean, keeps us aware of any changes. He sleeps, sits in his chair, reads the paper (or appears to read it), watches TV, sleeps.... He has advance prostate cancer and before he lost all his marbles he let us know he does not want any treatments for anything. We just promised to keep him at home as long as possible. He's big so, it could be he'll have to go to some home at some point. My MIL, we could manhandle, but him we wont be able to. Its really sad to see him this way. He was a brilliant lawyer who worked on government stuff. As long as we dont change anything with his routine he's happy.
Sad and depressing.
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faster horses
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I agree. There are things worse than death.
We can live too long.
Rafter S
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I had a great-uncle who developed dementia and his wife tried taking care of him by herself. One day he got confused and didn't know her. He gave her a pretty bad black eye.
I've heard of dementia sufferers getting violent. So far he's very agreeable except when it comes to bathing. Only my husband, his son, can get him in the shower now. I can only imagine if they lived off from family and no one came to visit him for a long time... It would not be good. He goes though binges of eating sweets. We have to hide them. He ate a 18 oz jar of honey. Another time a whole family pack of oreos. He'll eat a whole bowl of nuts like cereal. There is a closet we keep those things in and locked up but he's always on the lookout. They say the part of the brain that regulates control is lost. He use to be a heavy drinker, never drunk, but he liked his booze. My MILs sister came to visit a couple octobers ago, before she got really sick and for whatever reason, she had them pick up some liquor. They gave him a drink and later they all went to sleep. He got up and wandered around and found it and drank too much. He passed out on the bathroom floor. Anywhoot, we no longer keep anything like that there. He had quit drinking a few years before that, his dementia made him kind of forget he liked it, but if its there, he remembers..lol
Walking W
Well-known member
I agree, there are some things worse than a quick death. A slow death is one of them, no matter what the cause.
My mother is 95 years old, legally blind and had lived on her own with a lot of help from family. She recently went to a nursing home because she just couldn't more her legs any more. After being there a couple of weeks, she had a stroke and simultaneously was diagnosed with COVID. Now she has trouble swallowing and can only eat pureed food of a certain consistency and can't use a straw or she aspirates into her lungs.
All this to say that she told me, as I was encouraging her to eat right after her stroke, that she didn't know which was worse to die from starvation or to live like she was living.
She is improving a little now. Her speech is a little less slurred. She is eating more with help. She will never be able to get in or out of bed without someone there to physically lift her. She went from 150 to 115 lbs. Somewhere along the way she ended up with a fractured rib due to the lifting.
The near-term future for her isn't very pleasant. She may live for a few years like this.
I repeat, I agree that there are worse things than a quick death.
Thanks for listening.
My mother is 95 years old, legally blind and had lived on her own with a lot of help from family. She recently went to a nursing home because she just couldn't more her legs any more. After being there a couple of weeks, she had a stroke and simultaneously was diagnosed with COVID. Now she has trouble swallowing and can only eat pureed food of a certain consistency and can't use a straw or she aspirates into her lungs.
All this to say that she told me, as I was encouraging her to eat right after her stroke, that she didn't know which was worse to die from starvation or to live like she was living.
She is improving a little now. Her speech is a little less slurred. She is eating more with help. She will never be able to get in or out of bed without someone there to physically lift her. She went from 150 to 115 lbs. Somewhere along the way she ended up with a fractured rib due to the lifting.
The near-term future for her isn't very pleasant. She may live for a few years like this.
I repeat, I agree that there are worse things than a quick death.
Thanks for listening.
greybeard
Well-known member
Needin to pee plays a big part of that too.
Buck Randall
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It'd be nice to have legal euthanasia. We treat dying people worse than our animals.
Rafter S
Well-known member
Nope.
Legal Euthanasia...can be tough for some to swallow...but at some point it should be legal for family member's to decide when it's time to put their loved one to sleep.
I want people to understand there is something FAR WORSE than euthanasia...that's when an old person is kept alive for years and decades with a "feeding tube" pretty much solely for monetary reasons...where family members are using their pension, social security, movie-song rights or VA benefits. This (feeding peg) should be illegal..whereas euthanasia should be done legally when all family members agree.
Case in point: Green Acres: Zsa Zsa Gabor
Zsa Zsa Gabor was never one to shy away from drama, but the family infighting that surrounded the final years of her life was scandalous even by her standards.
The Budapest-born socialite and great-aunt of Paris Hilton died Sunday at age 99. Plagued by health problems in her later years, including a lung infection, the amputation of her right leg and eventually chronic dementia, Gabor succumbed to a heart attack after spending the last five years on life support.
During that time, Gabor was "locked away in her mansion laying in a hospital bed being fed through tubes in her navel, not able to speak, see, write or hear. Nor knowing who she was or how famous she was," her rep Ed Lozzi said in a statement to PEOPLE.
It actually does exist...in hospitals and VA hosptials (but in silent consensual respect)....you first fill out the release forms-death paperwork in advance...then find the head nurse and just let her know everything's in order complete and that you don't want your comatosed loved one to suffer. She'll say something in reference that she understands; she knows there won't be any big family death bed gathering...and that she's happy you let her know. They'll take care of it quickly.
Your Mom is a fighter. She lived a good long life...to be proud of. Trouble swallowing leads to liquids aspirated into the lungs and then Pneumonia which is a death sentence. My dad died the same way. Let's hope you have some control over her death so she doesn't suffer too much.
faster horses
Well-known member
Our son-in-law was shoeing a horse and was struck in the temple. He was life-flighted
and his heart rate dropped to 20. He was in a coma for weeks. They were able to save him, but he was handicapped for 33 years. He had a brain stem injury. He was big and stout and didn't die. He couldn't walk, he couldn't talk, even though his cognitive thinking was fine. He was fed by a feeding tube, but
finally, he was able to take food by mouth. It was risky, due to possible aspiration, but at least he could taste real food (within reason) again. He was easy care because he knew what he needed. Our daughter got him a spell-right so he could write out what he wanted to say. He always was a great storyteller; in fact, I have some of his writings. He could slowly use a computer. He could slowly play cards. All of the movement toward his body was restricted. It would have been much better for him if he just could have spoken. He was a great cowboy and loved to talk. He finally passed away in 2021. He was 34 when the accident happened, he was 67 when he passed away. He was handicapped one year short of half of his life.
This is why I say there are things worse than death.
Death is final, but there is a healing from it. What happened with our son-in-law
was an open wound for us for years.
and his heart rate dropped to 20. He was in a coma for weeks. They were able to save him, but he was handicapped for 33 years. He had a brain stem injury. He was big and stout and didn't die. He couldn't walk, he couldn't talk, even though his cognitive thinking was fine. He was fed by a feeding tube, but
finally, he was able to take food by mouth. It was risky, due to possible aspiration, but at least he could taste real food (within reason) again. He was easy care because he knew what he needed. Our daughter got him a spell-right so he could write out what he wanted to say. He always was a great storyteller; in fact, I have some of his writings. He could slowly use a computer. He could slowly play cards. All of the movement toward his body was restricted. It would have been much better for him if he just could have spoken. He was a great cowboy and loved to talk. He finally passed away in 2021. He was 34 when the accident happened, he was 67 when he passed away. He was handicapped one year short of half of his life.
This is why I say there are things worse than death.
Death is final, but there is a healing from it. What happened with our son-in-law
was an open wound for us for years.
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Rafter S
Well-known member
I will disagree with that also. I have no issues from unhooking someone from machines that are keeping him or her alive if there's no quality of life left, but to me that's a different thing from actively causing someone's death who wouldn't have died otherwise.
Edit: If anyone wants to discuss it you can message me, but otherwise I'm done with this subject.
I really didn't know if the "wow" or "sad" was more appropriate. Both apply. I can't imagine and my heart goes out to your family.
My mother in law had no idea what she was headed into. She thought she could beat it. And when she started to lose her marbles, she'd ask the hospice nurse what she could do to get better. Saddest thing ever. She had been on drug therapy that was working. She could function but said she didnt like the way she felt while on the drugs. I took her to the doctor visits and she'd come out all agitated when the doctor would tell her that if she quit the drugs, she'd last maybe 3 months. At first i think she thought her decision to stop all drugs was a good choice until it was too late. It took 3 months of her dwindling and bed sores, to finally end.
After watching that i'll stay on the drugs as long as possible even if food taste like cr@p, her main complaint. But when it comes down to it, once i can no longer care for my toilet needs, i'll do something to end it before i lose the ability to. I do not want my family to have to do that for me. I do not want to go to a home... I do not want to lose my dignity...
After watching that i'll stay on the drugs as long as possible even if food taste like cr@p, her main complaint. But when it comes down to it, once i can no longer care for my toilet needs, i'll do something to end it before i lose the ability to. I do not want my family to have to do that for me. I do not want to go to a home... I do not want to lose my dignity...
Travlr
Well-known member
One of those "right to choose" issues that we don't want other people involved in, or the government.
Just like we should have the right to choose owning firearms, or take vaccinations, or whom to vote for.
ArkieGirl72638
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Be proactive...write.down all your wishes, what you want done in a number of different scenarios. Make sure to get it notarized and keep a copy with you or mention it in your cellphone in case you cannot talk to first responders.Have one person you trust as power of attorney, who can follow the list and make decisions for you according to your wishes! While I believe everyone should have the right to decide when they have had enough, I sure as HELL wouldn't want some money hungry distant relative deciding they want my money and it is time to put me down. I have a file labeled "When I croak". with all my wishes, insurance policies, end of life decisions, what I want done with my body, etc. Death is inevitable, we talk about it so it doesn't seem like bad thing, just another phase. Works for me! Good luck!
