RebelCritter
Well-known member
> BECAUSE I AM A MAN
>
> Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle
> with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in.
> AAA is not an option. I will win.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will
> pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
> looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the
> other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all
> these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to
> start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of
> Holy Communion.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
> bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
> You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for
> you this isn't a problem.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
> groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be
> expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I
> know, these are the same thing. And never, under any
> circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
> "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
> working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
> this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person
> gets here and has to put it back together.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control
> in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
> I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was
> able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
> The answer is always either sex, cars or football.
> I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have
> your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or
> think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got
> her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
> And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
> Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....
> and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will
> certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
> thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
> too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
> looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will
> share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
> cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll
> do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering
> around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
> _____________________________________________________
This has been a public service message for Women to better
> understand the Male.
>
> Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle
> with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in.
> AAA is not an option. I will win.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will
> pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
> looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the
> other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all
> these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to
> start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of
> Holy Communion.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
> bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
> You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for
> you this isn't a problem.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
> groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be
> expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I
> know, these are the same thing. And never, under any
> circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
> "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
> working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
> this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person
> gets here and has to put it back together.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control
> in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
> I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was
> able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
> The answer is always either sex, cars or football.
> I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have
> your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or
> think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got
> her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
> And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
> Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....
> and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will
> certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
> thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
> too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
> looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
> _____________________________________________________
> Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will
> share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
> cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll
> do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering
> around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
> _____________________________________________________
This has been a public service message for Women to better
> understand the Male.
