Its story time!

[Chevy]

:lol: I'll start it....ok well I am 21 years old. (FINE maybe I don't really do math all that well and I may have forgot to count the last few years, but heck I am still 21!! Ok plus a lil more! 21 is good! ) Age ain't nothing but a number anyways. Anyways story time! Ight so lets see here.... let me think.... well crap somebody gunna have to start it. :frowns:

 

[jedstivers]

You can keep going, we all have our histories on here all you have to do is search. We want to here more of your story (I think).

 

[Sir Loin]

While I was growing up I often wondered why older men didn’t shave on a daily basis or why they stopped shaving all together and grew a beard.
Well, now at 65 and have become one , I know the answer!
I call it “the Dracula syndrome”.

It’s a daily reminder!
It is having to look into a mirror every morning and seeing what the years have done to you and realizing death is not far off.
I now only shave once a week, and I am giving serious consideration to growing a beard.

Not to mention the chrome dome reflecting the light in you eyes while you go at your own throat with a sharp object.

SL

 

[3waycross]

While I was growing up I often wondered why older men didn’t shave on a daily basis or why they stopped shaving all together and grew a beard.
Well, now at 65 and have become one , I know the answer!
I call it “the Dracula syndrome”.

It’s a daily reminder!
It is having to look into a mirror every morning and seeing what the years have done to you and realizing death is not far off.
I now only shave once a week, and I am giving serious consideration to growing a beard.

Not to mention the chrome dome reflecting the light in you eyes while you go at your own throat with a sharp object.

SL

Well if that didn't ruin everyone's day I don't know what would.................. :lol2: Yer only as old as you feel Sir Loin!

 

[Sir Loin]

Re:

Yer only as old as you feel

I know. And that’s also a problem with old age.

When you get to my age, it takes you all night to do what you use to do all night!
But having a touch of Parkinson’s does have it’s benefits here. ( DH )
SL

 

[Chevy]

OH my I didn't want sad story time. :cry2: OH MY GOD! I don't need any reminder of getting old! :cry2:
Well when I "grow-up" I used to think I wanted to live in a beach house, but I am thinking I be happy just far away far far away....I am thinking more of a motor-home maybe small van and just roam around see where we go. I call my crib (house) my crab shack.... it be a "crab shack" on wheels. Awww....just wake up where ever and just go where ever. Awww...sounds kinda free spirit and fun. I have travel alot with my o' man, but never with a "crab shack" on wheels. Wow would be different life style. Hmmm...well couldn't have cows. I don't know I think it would be okay for a while. Sounds kinda fun. Don't worry I don't smoke the pot, I am just a free spirit simple things make me happy.
Back to story time....
Well let me think...I didn't like ya'll talking about getting old. No offends! That blew!

Sooo...in my younger days my cousin and I used to walk up to this man's pig farm threw the woods up and over from my house. He had a cow out there one day. We were real young like 12 or 13. We were got to clowning around we decided we were gunna milk that cow. :lol: Neither one of us knew anything about cows or milking no darn cows. Well she dare me to go milk it so I like okay I got over there got down, I was fittin' to milk that cow. I rememeber my daddy telling my a story about my uncle getting kicked in the head by a horse had to get 150 stitches. That cow wasn't liking me over by it, it was kickin' its back leg... so I was like f- that. I told my cousin to do it. She was a big chickenhead, she wouldn't even get in the barb wire fence. :lol: I didn't milk that cow. We didn't know if the cow even had milk! :lol: We were just going to milk it! Now that's funny!

 

[Sir Loin]

SL At IHOP et al for breakfast.
True story, many times.

SL to the question “ how would you like your eggs?”

Sunny side down but don’t turn them over, put them in upside down.


SL n a mini mart.

SL, Could I have a pack of cigarettes please.
Casher: What kind would you like?
SL Whet kind do you have?

When it comes time to pay the tab in the local adult beverage hang out, we start an argument over who is is going to pay the tab .
When the barkeep comes over to see what all the noise is about, I ask him if he cares who pays the tab and he says no, I tell him:
Handing it to him, I say: Well than, you pay it and walk away.

And I do it all with a straight face! :tiphat:
SL

 

[Calman]

I figured this story was going to end the cow being a bull. :lol:

Cal

 

[ga.prime]

I remember one time I picked all the peaches off my dad's peach trees while they were still green and brought them to the house in my wagon. I got in some trouble about that.

 

[Calman]

Growing up I always thought my name was dam it Cal .Found out in later years it was just Cal. :lol:

Cal

 

[Chevy]

:lol: You sound like my husband gee you man all think alike!

 

[Jogeephus]

I've been off the boards lately so I'm just joining in. Welcome!

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin?

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. She travelled with a circus where she met my father who had a penchant to womanize carnies due to his obsession with tattoos and body piercings or any other thing that was out of the ordinary. He would drink and when he drank he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark or that man was altering the climate. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy and he scorned and cursed herd bulls due to his envy of their lifestyle. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets from bull sacs. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds or shocked with a Hot-Shot - pretty typical childhood really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly recommend it.

My childhood molded me into the person I am today. I too have A.D.D and am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row and once swam five miles just to see if I could do it without drowning. Which by the way, I didn't drown.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing or my juice harp melodies. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes sometimes even using herbs that are frowned upon in the more civilized countries but I'm not one to get bogged down by frivolous laws. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru and Venezuala. I also know where Jimmy Hoffa resides.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. The Sierra Club has written of me. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard and have constructed tram lines between buildings in Atlanta. I enjoy urban hang gliding and base jumping from federal monuments and buildings. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge and will sometimes even overhaul anvils for distraught blacksmiths.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. The Canadians think of me as a god. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. Dogs love me. Cattle respect me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in Walmart. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair facing north - just in case. While on a pilgramage in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago while chasing the dragon I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down - my scribe was still passed out on her hemp cot. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams with some of the top EPD's in the world. I have cattle. The Imbalancer - my own breed - whose genetic code will soon be patented. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis after his alledged death on the proper technique of making a fried peanut butter and bannana sandwich. I love to cook BBQ and believe if the muslims and jews would just sit down to a BBQ dinner world peace would be achieved. I don't drink but merely sip for long hours and believe the angels dance around my glass. Cheers!

Ok, enough about me, now do tell your story.

 

[Calman]

Jo all I gotta say is,If the lord loved a liar he'd squezee you plum to death. :lol: :lol:

Cal

 

[Isomade]

I've been off the boards lately so I'm just joining in. Welcome!

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin?

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. She travelled with a circus where she met my father who had a penchant to womanize carnies due to his obsession with tattoos and body piercings or any other thing that was out of the ordinary. He would drink and when he drank he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark or that man was altering the climate. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy and he scorned and cursed herd bulls due to his envy of their lifestyle. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was















typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets from bull sacs. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds or shocked with a Hot-Shot - pretty typical childhood really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly recommend it.

My childhood molded me into the person I am today. I too have A.D.D and am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row and once swam five miles just to see if I could do it without drowning. Which by the way, I didn't drown.













I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing or my juice harp melodies. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes sometimes even using herbs that are frowned upon in the more civilized countries but I'm not one to get bogged down by frivolous laws. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru and Venezuala. I also know where Jimmy Hoffa resides.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. The Sierra Club has written of me. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard and have constructed tram lines between





buildings in Atlanta. I enjoy urban hang gliding and base jumping from federal monuments and buildings. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge and will sometimes even overhaul anvils for distraught blacksmiths.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. The Canadians think of me as a god. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. Dogs love me. Cattle respect me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost,







Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in Walmart. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair facing north - just in case. While on a pilgramage in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago while chasing the dragon I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down - my scribe was still passed out on her hemp cot. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams with some of the top EPD's in the world. I have cattle. The Imbalancer - my own breed - whose genetic code will soon be patented. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart
surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis after his alledged death on the proper technique of making a fried peanut butter and bannana sandwich. I love to cook BBQ and believe if the muslims and jews would just sit down to a BBQ dinner world peace would be achieved. I don't drink but merely sip for long hours and believe the angels dance around my glass. Cheers!

Ok, enough about me, now do tell your story.

And I understand women. ;-)

 

[Calman]

Jo you forgot to add in your passion for blue snakes. :lol:

Cal

 

[Jogeephus]

Oh, yes! Good point. If I'm ever elected president it will be a law that all snakes will have to be painted bright blue!

 

[Ryder]

:bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang:

 

[Anonymous]

Most people come in loudly and leave quietly...joe leaves quietly and come back with a bangg

:lol:

 

[ga.prime]

Amazing story, Jo! Wow, summers in Rangoon! I spent summers in a tobacco field.

 

[3waycross]

Jo all I can say is :tiphat: . You really are the worlds most interesting man!