Got a question for the Viet Nam War Vets

[Alice]

My 14 year old grandson is watching Platoon, the movie. Much to my dismay, it's one of his favorite movies. I say to my dismay because I can't watch it with him...never have been able to watch it, or the other Viet Nam movies.

Anyway, he asked me if what he was watching really happened. Of course, my first response is, "I don't know...I haven't watched the movie." Then, I realized, I wasn't there, how could I know. So, I told him to ask his grandfather (my ex husband). Quickly I said, "Wait a minute...he never really wanted to talk about any of it." He got a purple heart and a silver star, yet he would not talk about any of it.

I understand from my daughter, who is his daughter, that her Daddy will, from time to time mention something...and she tells me he is dismayed and depressed about, and has very definite views about, what is going on in the middle east, which, of course, is what my grandson is relating this to.

So tell me, to all of you who have been thru hades in a war, should he right out ask his grandfather these questions?

Alice

 

[Mahoney Pursley Ranch]

I think it is fine for him to ask his Grandfather about it but I would caution the boy to preface his question by saying this to his Grandfather,"If you prefer not to answer I will understand". And explain to the boy why. Many people who have served in battle have memories that they would prefer not to relive. Some still have flasbacks of what they saw and were involved in. Many will never lose those vivid images until the day they die. I do not enjoy talking about Viet Nam but do so if asked. Sometimes it takes days to get the thoughts about what I saw out of my mind. Viet Nam was a war very few wanted even more so than Iraq or Afghanistan and because of the ill will toward that war we were literally spit on when we returned home.

I hope this helps.

 

[somn]

I'm not a war veteran or any type of a veteran however my father was in Vietnam. My father has never said anything about what happened there or why but one time while doing a report for school I asked him to tell me about what he did there and what it was like there. He said son you do not want to know what I did there and don't ask again and that was the last time I ever asked and he never mentioned it again. But he attends every Memorial Day Service and he presents the colors for every veterans funeral with other veterans in the Legion. Obviously it has permanently changed his life. The worst thing that could happen is he will say you don't want to know don't ask again.

 

[3waycross]

I think it is fine for him to ask his Grandfather about it but I would caution the boy to preface his question by saying this to his Grandfather,"If you prefer not to answer I will understand". And explain to the boy why. Many people who have served in battle have memories that they would prefer not to relive. Some still have flasbacks of what they saw and were involved in. Many will never lose those vivid images until the day they die. I do not enjoy talking about Viet Nam but do so if asked. Sometimes it takes days to get the thoughts about what I saw out of my mind. Viet Nam was a war very few wanted even more so than Iraq or Afghanistan and because of the ill will toward that war we were literally spit on when we returned home.

I hope this helps.

They're still spitting on the vets. On the fourth of July my partners son, was spit on in a local watering hole.
The local chapter of the VFW asked him to ride in the parade in his Airborne uniform. After the parade was over he went into one of the more protester oriented bars and was minding his own business having a beer when a couple of local morons accosted him and ended up spitting on him
He laid one of them out and was working on the other one when HE was thrown out of the bar into the street and told not to return.
Nothing changes just the year.

Alice your grandson should be able to ask his grandfather anything. It's up to the grandfather whether or nor he choses to answer.

 

[dun]

I know of very few vitnam vets that talk about it. When something comes as a reminder, most just go far away in their minds.
Asking with the preface suggested would be ok. But if he gets real quiet just leave it alone.

 

[skyline]

They're still spitting on the vets. On the fourth of July my partners son, was spit on in a local watering hole.
The local chapter of the VFW asked him to ride in the parade in his Airborne uniform. After the parade was over he went into one of the more protester oriented bars and was minding his own business having a beer when a couple of local morons accosted him and ended up spitting on him
He laid one of them out and was working on the other one when HE was thrown out of the bar into the street and told not to return.
Nothing changes just the year.

There are some things that I don't understand about people and this ranks near the top of the list. Spitting on a vet, in my mind, is similar to desecrating the American flag.

My Dad served in WWII and he rarely talked about it and only when asked. I wasn't born yet when he returned home, but my Mom told me it took him a lot of time to return emotionally. According to her, there were some pretty rocky spots along the way. Because I knew it was a painful area for him, I never asked for details.

 

[pdfangus]

I grew up surrounded by WWII and Korea Vets.
I served with Viet Nam Vets.
While I was in the Army during Viet Nam, by the grace of god i was never sent.

One thing I observe is that the more that was seen and done.....the less discussion occurs.

Suggest to the young man that rather than Platoon.....a good movie to watch might be Saving Private Ryan or The Longest Day.

The viet nam era army was in my opinion an aberation in our military history. It was neither the patriotic army that fought world war II, nor the professional army that we enjoy today.

To anyone who has a family member serving in our military today.....
Please shake their hand and give them my thanks for their service to our country. Today they all volunteered to be there.

 

[Calman]

Alice,I think his grandfather will talk about only if he feels like it,and if he chosses not to it's best to leave it alone.I have at times tried to talk about it but most of the time cannot.
There are several reasons for not talking about it.(anyhow for me).
The way we were treated on return.
Some of the experiences we're so herendous I don't believe that anyone would believe me.
We don't like to bring up old memories and have to re-live them again.although I have relized in time you cannot forget.I have finally figured it out that it's best to not try to forget the memories,just try to learn to live with them.I've often wondered if the war made me a different person in life or would I have been a different person had I not went to war.I believe the worse thing was trying to re-adjust to a normal life on return.

In the past I have had this to happen with my grandchildren. I have tried to give them enough detail to know somewhat what it was like but leave out the gorey details. Most of my experiences are just better left unsaid.

I hope this helps. But this is just my thoughts and mine only.

Cal

 

[Calman]

I know of very few vitnam vets that talk about it. When something comes as a reminder, most just go far away in their minds.
Asking with the preface suggested would be ok. But if he gets real quiet just leave it alone.

Dunn I think you are talking about what is called the 1000yd yard stare.

Cal

 

[bigbull338]

alice i doubt that your ex will talk about the nam war.i dont think id encourage your grandson to ask his grandson about it.i had a 2nd cousin who was in WW2.an he was in the battle of the bulge.an you never asked him about the war,because if you did he would get very upset.all he wanted todo was to forget the things he had seen an done.most vets want to leave the war in the past where it belongs.thats a part of their lives they want to forget.because it has taken years to learn to deal with the memories.

 

[kerley]

I have not read on this forum where any Veteran has talked of the war, or bragged about what they did. We have only defended the honor of our beloved America. We have had some not ask for battles on this forum with some that don't have a clue. Tom

 

[CKC1586]

Viet Nam had negative effects not only on our military personnel that served but those that they left behind. It is not a good subject for discussion for many. I have friends that still struggle with what they went thru, thank the good Lord they made it home but are changed forever. One of my friends who has been thru many years of trying to deal with his memories via counciling and even medication was told a trip back may help him get closure. Long story short, didn't help much but created some other issues. Ended up going back this spring again to find where he had been shot. He also was able to track down the man that had carried him out and he traveled to meet him. He is doing better, second trip was probably worth it but I really don't think the emotional wounds will ever heal. Out of respect for their struggles I believe that it is best to not ask them directly about their experiences. If a Nam vet wants to talk about those days let it be at their own discretion. I would not encourage your grandson to ask questions but you could explain that it was a very painful experience and to have empathy and to respect his grand dads privacy.

 

[mnmtranching]

Alice, I think your Grandson should ask his Grandfather. At 14 he doesn't need to know details. His Grandfather might tell general type experiences. Most of the guys I served with were drafted and very much resented being there. Most memories from the Viet Nam War will stay with the Vet. Just no need to remind ourselves or others of a very bad mistake.

















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[mac]

Yes, he should ask his grandfather. Grandpa won't be around forever. Grandpa may want to pass along his views to his grandson, or not, but he needs the chance. He needs to know that his grandson is thinking about matters like that and is interested enough to ask.

I never saw combat but I am a veteran of the Vietnam era and an Army brat. My Dad served two tours in Vietnam and has a lot of stories which I am glad he shares. I hope he is still around when his great-grandchildren are old enough to ask.

To try and even out your grandson's viewing, may I suggest the fact-based movie "We Were Soldiers" with Mel Gibson. It is ironic that an Australian has made some of the most patriotic American movies ever produced. The other one that comes to mind is "The Patriot". In that revolutionary war movie, Gibson's two young sons, about the same age as your grandson, help him to fight the British.

Anyone interested in special operations during the Vietnam conflict should read John Plaster's autobiographical Secret Commandos: Behind Enemy Lines with the Elite Warriors of SOG.

 

[GMN]

My cousin went to Vietnam, this is a strong memory I have, although I was a young child, we all went to the airport to see him off, in his service uniform, and duffel bag. He wrote my Mom letters when he was over there, and they were always kept in a secret spot, we were told never to look, and never to read.

He came back, but I know for a long time, he had problems returning to "normal" life and keeping a job.

I'm not sure what to tell you about your son and the Grandfather, part of me says leave it alone rather than pirsue it.

GMN

 

[L.A.]

Yes, he should ask his grandfather. Grandpa won't be around forever. Grandpa may want to pass along his views to his grandson, or not, but he needs the chance. He needs to know that his grandson is thinking about matters like that and is interested enough to ask.


To try and even out your grandson's viewing, may I suggest the fact-based movie "We Were Soldiers" with Mel Gibson. It is ironic that an Australian has made some of the most patriotic American movies ever produced. The other one that comes to mind is "The Patriot". In that revolutionary war movie, Gibson's two young sons, about the same age as your grandson, help him to fight the British.

Anyone interested in special operations during the Vietnam conflict should read John Plaster's autobiographical Secret Commandos: Behind Enemy Lines with the Elite Warriors of SOG.

Mel Gibson was born in the U.S., His father moved the family to Australia to avoid his children being drafted and sent to 'Nam' :???:

 

[TexasBred]

Most of us hold those days as "very personal" and best just left alone. My children learned long ago not to mention it and if anyone ever brings it up I usually just ease away.....

 

[bandit80]

No Nam vets that I know will talk about it, and most will tell you so. I have a customer who was a Ranger in the Army and served in Nam. He was essentially a hired killer, and doesn't bring back those memories. Said he will not talk about it, they only fought because of the guy next to him.

Some WWII vets are different. That war was necessary, and many felt like they helped accomplish some good for the world and mankind. Others, however, will not talk about it because they don't want to relive the events and gruesome things they saw and did.

Not joining the military is probably the only regret I have in my life. We all owe so much to those who have fought and died for our country, that I wish I could give back. Wife and kids don't even make that an option as this point in my life.

As for your grandson, if he wants to ask his grandpa, but DEFINITELY preface it by saying what MRP suggested. He may get that lost look and make him upset. I have never seen anything make grown men cry like talking about a war. I have sat and watched "Saving Private Ryan" with my wife's grandpa, and he was a paratrooper in WWII. He said the only thing different from that movie to the way it was, was the smell.

 

[kerley]

TB, I like your post. It pretty much sums it up. Tom

 

[Alice]

I've had my grandson read these responses. Thank you all. You've put a great deal into perspective for him. He's a smart kid, and he's always been very sensitive to other's feelings, which may be why he hasn't approached his grandfather. Your responses have given him a lot to think about.

Alice