Dear Sister

[R.T.]

I have lived that life. Sister and I had no contact. Never
spoke for close to 30 years. I received a call from a funeral
home asking what the arrangements were and how did I want
to handle the financial responsibilities. Her children gave my
name as responsible next of kin. I told funeral director I was not
responsible and they should deal with her children. I'm not sure
what the final arrangements were. This happened several years ago.
R.T.

 

[I luv herfrds]

Novatech they both know I wouldn't turn my back on them if they needed me. Don't know for sure if she has a mental illness or not.

Bez I have no idea if things will ever change or not. I can handle being called a liar and self centered. But calling me an unfit mother sure does get my hackles up.

 

[Alice]

I have lived that life. Sister and I had no contact. Never
spoke for close to 30 years. I received a call from a funeral
home asking what the arrangements were and how did I want
to handle the financial responsibilities. Her children gave my
name as responsible next of kin. I told funeral director I was not
responsible and they should deal with her children. I'm not sure
what the final arrangements were. This happened several years ago.
R.T.

Oh, R.T., how sad. That had to have been a shock...I'm sorry.

Alice

 

[I luv herfrds]

TN you are the only one telling me to send it.
Everbody else is right it will get nothing done, but more hurt feelings and dislike between us.
I was seriously considering sending it, but I am listening to cooler heads.
I've erased it from my computor.

 

[Frankie]

TN you are the only one telling me to send it.
Everbody else is right it will get nothing done, but more hurt feelings and dislike between us.
I was seriously considering sending it, but I am listening to cooler heads.
I've erased it from my computor.

Good for you. People do change. Who knows how either of you will feel when you are old and gray headed? This letter would just be one more thing between you.

 

[GMN]

She hasn't spoken to me for 8 years. I tried several times to try to get us back to at least talking, nothing.
Thanks for the advice. I won't send it.
No Alice I didn't file charges.
Frankie she burned the bridge, not me. I just wanted her to finally know my feelings.

For some reason I have really been thinking about it lately. I had asked her after her "little talk" if she would still be talking to me later on. Her response was "Probably not".
You don't have to hit me with a 2x4 to get the hint across.

Peg I don't know about a mental illness, but I wouldn't be too surprised.

I'd say don't send it, because then you would be stooping to her level, and she wins. Its sad that for whatever reason she has decided to be like this, its not your problem. Maybe she is jealous of you and your family? Could be alot of issues going on there. I and my sister aren't real close either, but on my B-day she got my answering machine and sang Happy Birthday to me, kind of made my Day. In our case we do care about each other, but live so far apart that we do not get to see one another alot. But she will always be my only sister I have in this world.

GMN

 

[VanC]

That certainly is a sad situation, ILH. I think you did the right thing not sending the letter. I wish you the best.

 

[3waycross]

They say success is the best revenge, unfortunately it can be a very painful thing to those who have little or none. It sounds like your sister is hurt to the core by your apparent success, and very little you can do will ever change that. The best thing you can do is FORGIVE HER, respect hers wishes, and get on with your life.

Your reality and hers are NOT the same. If you want to write her a letter write one that says. You're my sister and nothing will ever change that whether or not I like you or you like me, I will always LOVE you and I wish you the best. AND MEAN IT.!

It will set you free and who knows maybe someday it will also free her to love you again. Best of luck!

 

[Meador_m]

I would just say "to heck with her" and not even give her the satisfaction of a letter. Then again I have no problem not talking to friends and family that act like that, maybe there is something wrong with me... But to me it seems silly to let someone like that bother you, life is to short to feel lousy over something that will never change. However, nobody on here can give you any advice, just do what you think is right and know that your the better person. At the end of the day all you can do is the best you can, nobody can criticize you for that.

 

[grannysoo]

No way should you send this. Read it again to yourself in private, then burn it.

 

[Lammie]

Having worked with a lot of mentally folks, it sounds to me like she's one of them. There's nothing you can do for someone who will not help themselves, but just know that if she is mentall ill, this isn't really her. And those folks can be really really hard to like, if at all. I had a brother who was an alcoholic, drank himself to death, in fact, and the last twenty years of his life, especially this final ten, I hated him. I hated him for breaking my parents' hearts, I hated him for embarrassing me, I hated him because he was not the brother I loved so much when I was a kid and I hated that he wasted such a good life. Everyone tried to help him and he just got worse. There's just no helping and no understading some folks, even when they are your family.

You just have to accept her for what she is and wait. She may get help, she might never. You have to take the high road, as hard as it is. You are the healthy one.

 

[backhoeboogie]

I would just say "to heck with her" and not even give her the satisfaction of a letter.

I totally agree. Her goal is to inflict hurt upon you ILH. The letter just reinforces her success.

One of my sisters doesn't like my wife and we parted ways years ago. Thankfully I have other sisters who are sweethearts.

My children still speak to the sister I do not speak to and I interact with my nephews (her sons). Her children will grow up and think for themselves.

Value people who are dear to you and people who care for you. Don't waste effort on relationships that are doomed. Be receptive if she makes any moves if you'd like but don't set yourself up to be hurt over and over again.

 

[mitch2]

My sisters are my best friends, and my staunchest supporters. They would slay dragons for me ~ and have.
I cannot imagine otherwise.

Angie - I only have one sister, and this exactly how we are for one another.

ILH - from what I know of you on the boards, you are a stand-up individual. Off your chest and burn the letter. If she ever gets help or grows up or whatever it is she needs, you will be glad it is ashes. And I bet if that day were to come you would welcome her with open arms.

In the mean-time.... you can always pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, too bad we can't always pick our family. ;-)

Michele

 

[shinyallard]

Hi Fred you need to worry about that , this type of things happens sometimes in life and we should be able to with stand those , we should feel bad of it . let your sister feel jealous at you , you just don't think of her. Ours a very short life we should try to keep our life's enjoying rather than worrying about the small problems.
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shinyallard
montana Alcohol Addiction Treatment