Dear Sister

[I luv herfrds]

Dear Sister,
It has been many years since you spoke to me. Just recently you deemed me worthy of you even saying anything to me.
The only thing I heard coming from your mouth was that I was a liar, self centered and a poor excuse for a mother.
As always through our lives all you can do is crush me.
Your excuse for not speaking to me is all I could talk about was our ranch and farm, but you forget that each time I tried to share something my kid did you always said you had already heard about it. So what did that leave me to share.
After you told me to never contact you again, I still was giving by having our mother send you pictures of my kids.
You never sent me one of your 4 kids. Our mother had to sneak me any picture of them.
You called me selfish, but you forget the night you left me with your new born daughter with nothing, but a bottle of water. While she wailed and cried I really really tried. You finally came back several hours late and all I got was you yelling at me for feeding her the water you left.
Another time you attacked me and when I went to defend myself your husband threw me across the room.
You spoke of years ago how I brought the bullying upon myself and you defended the bullies against me, while when my friends friends said anything bad about you I stood up and defended you. Even when you appeared at my school dressed like a freak I stood up for you.

I have realized after these years that you are not my friend. nor a true sister to me. The one who was a true sister died on October 11th.
I now realize you are nothing, but a stranger to me. You know nothing about me. You said I can say all the nasty things I wanted to you, but if you had known me you would have known that that is not me.
I truly pity you for you will never know me nor my family.
Since you said that you don't think you will ever speak to me again I guess this is good a time as any to tell you goodby for good.
I promise to never speak to you, acknowledge you, nor even bother to send you pictures again. If I see you on the street I will respect your wishes and act like I don't even know you.
To many it may seem harsh, but it is just the same way you treated me.
Good bye.


So should I send this letter or not?

 

[Frankie]

No, don't burn bridges. If she continually rebuffs you, stop making overtures. But don't burn your bridges. Sisters are too important to throw away. She may not know that, but you should. Good luck....

 

[Jalopy]

I certainly am not qualified to answer your question and I feel few people truly are qualified. However you might consider including any additional specific instances that are bothering you and completely address and seal the letter then burn it. This could provide you with the closure you need. It will also get probably the same response from your sister as if you mailed it. I guess I am enough of an optomist and naive enough to believe that as long as there is life there is hope and you never know what is in the future. I certainly agree with your sentiment and it sounds as if you probably will want to stop all contact but maybe if you don't burn all the bridges she could see the errors of her ways some time. Sorry to hear of your on goig problems with her. Good Luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Alice]

I agree with Frankie...there's nothing to be gained by sending this letter. And personally, I don't think there's anything to be gained by sending any letter or making anymore overtures. Should she choose to contact you, and if that contact is intentionally negative and hurtful, don't respond...hang up the phone. Don't put yourself in a situation that invites her hatefulness. It's sounds as tho she is an angry, angry person who probably needs some serious mental and emotional therapy, and you aren't equipped to give that to her.

BTW, did you file charges on her husband that attacked you? I can understand if you did not...trying to keep peace in the family. But darlin', should that happen again, nail his sorry hide.

Alice

 

[msscamp]

Frankie is absolutely right! I wish you the best with this unfortunate and sad situation.

 

[peg4x4]

Has she shown other signs of mental illness??
Ignore her. If she wasn't related to you,you'd have nothing to do with her..Why go to the trouble,you have other good friends..Make no move toward her,if she tryes to make up,ignore that too,it's a trap..

 

[I luv herfrds]

She hasn't spoken to me for 8 years. I tried several times to try to get us back to at least talking, nothing.
Thanks for the advice. I won't send it.
No Alice I didn't file charges.
Frankie she burned the bridge, not me. I just wanted her to finally know my feelings.

For some reason I have really been thinking about it lately. I had asked her after her "little talk" if she would still be talking to me later on. Her response was "Probably not".
You don't have to hit me with a 2x4 to get the hint across.

Peg I don't know about a mental illness, but I wouldn't be too surprised.

 

[hillsdown]

Good gosh NO ,do not send that.

However it should be "cathartic ?" for you in some ways to write all this down and post it for at least someone else to read.

This sounds like a very sad situation ,and I am truly sorry about your relationship. My sister can be a real twit sometimes as I have posted on here before and one day I may be posting a letter that I want to send to her ,hopefully all will tell me the same advice.

Good luck and remember that you are a better person than her. :tiphat:

 

[Wewild]

I'm sure she could write one back to you as well from her prespective.

Life is what it is. In the end you can only count on yourself because thats all you can really control. Good friends are hard to come by. Family can let you down at times.

Good luck and let her be. It sounds like a maturity issue or something worse.

 

[angie1]

My sisters are my best friends, and my staunchest supporters. They would slay dragons for me ~ and have.
I cannot imagine otherwise.

 

[rockridgecattle]

Do not send the letter. File it under B for burn. It is good to write things down, to express how you feel. Something like this should be in a journal for "your eyes only" or written and then burned.
Family can not be chosen, surround yourself with friends that you can trust. Someday, yes maybe someday you might develope some sort of bond. but until that time, friends become like family.
I will pray for you that you would have peace in this situation.

RR

 

[hillsdown]

My sisters are my best friends, and my staunchest supporters. They would slay dragons for me ~ and have.
I cannot imagine otherwise.

Angie, that is the relationship my big sis and I always had up until about 5 years ago. I think her hubby's BS got to her head. Now we are slowly building our relationship back up again as she has no friends left. ;-)
We even talk to each other on the phone at least every other day.
Her kids will be spending a week with me the middle of the month and I truly love her children.

ILH, hang in there and with time maybe your sister will pull her head out of her butt, and perhaps you can forgive all that she has done to you.

 

[Jogeephus]

Letters like that are a wonderful way to vent your feelings but they should be burned ASAP upon completion. This may sound strange, but the opposite of love is not hate - it is apathy. By you writing this letter you are admitting that you still have feelings toward your sister and these feelings will gnaw on you and eat you alive if you mail this letter. Don't do it. Burn it tonight while you drink a glass of wine or something. When your feelings for your sister actually do die, then none of this will be important.

 

[msscamp]

Frankie she burned the bridge, not me. I just wanted her to finally know my feelings.

For some reason I have really been thinking about it lately. I had asked her after her "little talk" if she would still be talking to me later on. Her response was "Probably not".
You don't have to hit me with a 2x4 to get the hint across.

I luv herfrds, the bridge is still partially there - you have not burned your side of it. To do so would create a gulf that would, in all likelihood, be unbridgeable when she wakes up and realizes what she has thrown away. People change. If I were you, I would stop making advances but treat her as you would want to be treated. Try not to let her get to you, and try to forgive her. One of these days you might just be surprised as what happens IF you can forgive her and move beyond her hurtful words, and behaviour.

I would imagine you have been thinking about it because you love her. The only person you can control is yourself - don't let yourself resort to her methods. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this, but keep the faith - it might just work out some day when she has matured a little. Again, I wish you the best.

 

[Fred Belknap]

Don't send it please. For your own sake forgive her. Don't harbor bad feelings and hate toward her. Life is far to short to spend a lot of time being angry and bitter. You have control of your attitude and you alone, don't give it to anyone including your sister. It really is easier than you think. Blessed is the peacemaker.

 

[I luv herfrds]

Thank You Everyone.
I really appreciate all of your sound advice. I guess I am just too much of a caring person. I'll leave the next move up to her.
My grandmother told me today that both of my sisters are probably jealous because I have gotten everything I have wanted in my life. Husband, kids, farm, ranch and some great friends (Both in person and on this site.) I can't ask for more.

 

[Alice]

Thank You Everyone.
I really appreciate all of your sound advice. I guess I am just too much of a caring person. I'll leave the next move up to her.
My grandmother told me today that both of my sisters are probably jealous because I have gotten everything I have wanted in my life. Husband, kids, farm, ranch and some great friends (Both in person and on this site.) I can't ask for more.

Bless your heart...AND your grandmothers! :heart:

Alice

 

[DaletheDairyFarmer]

Putting those feelings down in black and white is good therapy. But it won't do any good to send it.You may or may not get the response you wish for, is it worth the gamble? A situation I was in a few years ago I wrote a 3 page letter got it all out of my system then ran it through the shredder and used it to bed calves. Felt great, whenever the subject comes up now I simply say " I didn't burn the bridge but I sure won't be the one to repave it" Now I go on about my life and don't think about the what ifs.

 

[novatech]

More than likely your sister has many issues with her self. She is actually trying to say that she is as good as you. I would advise you to focus on the good things, surly there are some, and try and forget all the faults that always seem to stand out. By sending the letter it seems as though you want to continue the fight.
Go ahead and send a letter but reinforce it positively with love and understanding. She is your sister and is more related to you than even your own mother. Would you walk away from her if she had some physical illness? So why turn your back because she has some mental problems?

 

[Bez+]

People can only take so much of people crapping on them before they break. I would send the letter. I am not very trusting of people any more as I have had to many people do me wrong friends, family, and enemies. Go ahead and send it. Let this person know how you really feel. If they like it fine if they dont pee on them.

Of course you would! That surprizes few here.

But that would not necessarily make it right.

Do not send this letter - go out and burn it - tonight.

You can pick your friends but you cannot pick your family.

Avoid her if you will and let her do the same.

Some day things may change - this letter may very well finalize something you will regret down the road.

Bez+