Catching your spouse...

[inyati13]

Alison, I think I will stay out of this one. I have aggravated enough people lately. I'll just worry about my heifer. :D

Worry about your heifer! Do you think she's cheating on you! :shock: :lol:

That is clever . :lol:

 

[chrisy]

Alison are you in one of the 34 African Countries that it is illegal to be gay, if so they are taking a big risk. If not tell her to find proof and then ditch him quick smart and as said before get tested.

 

[greybeard]

Alison, I think I will stay out of this one. I have aggravated enough people lately. I'll just worry about my heifer. :D

Worry about your heifer! Do you think she's cheating on you! :shock: :lol:

Does she talk too?? :lol: :lol: Probably can't believe a word she says. :cowboy:

Mooos sweet nothings--is that silent?

 

[hillsdown]

A friend of mine called me today and asked if we could meet for coffee, I was in town so said sure.
Ordered our coffee and I could see she was on edge so told her to spit it out.

It would seem that her husband is having an affair......with his best friend of male gender :shock: :shock: . She is devastated and wants out of the marriage. Was not sure what to advise her but told her to get proof before she makes any moves. Financial implications huge.

Told her to install a camera....have I been watching too many movies?

Everywhere !!!!! Make sure she has a safe friend and a safe place . NOT YOU >>>

Also... Unless things have dramatically changed in your country the last few years, she may just end up being a" fatality in a burglary gone wrong "no suspects , no witnesses etc ... :secret:

 

[alisonb]

My friend and I had a good chat again last night. It's a very awkward position to be in as my BF and I are good friends with the husband and his friend, at the end of the day all I can hope for is that the matter be handled amicably without the destruction that a divorce usually causes. She has a good support group in way of friends and family base, even though they know nothing of the matter as yet. Her husband does not even know she knows.....which is a good thing. She can now put things in motion and collect all the evidence should it ever be required.

As Melking said, the issue is not gender based even though it makes one's mind 'pop', it's about a contract that has been broken. And yes, in SA being gay is legal and as far as I know one can sue for alienation of affection. Thank goodness there are no children involved.

She has an appointment with a professional(PI :nod: ) this morning and later on in the day, an estate agent. The evidence has to be collected quickly and she's got to be out of there before hubby can say "But why?".

The really sad part about this all is we recently celebrated their 5th wedding anniversary, they seemed so happy....

 

[boondocks]

So sorry your friend is going through this. One of my best friends had her husband tell her he was in love with one of their male friends. Then he told her he wanted to change genders, that he'd always thought of himself as a woman. Finally, it came out that he was having an affair with one of his office partners (my friend was paying for their office expenses; the husband had also secretly moved the mistress into one of their rental apartments. So my friend was supporting the hussy!). By that point, my friend neither knew nor cared whether he was gay/bi/straight/trans; she was outta there. (Unfortunately, he was in the process of changing careers and she got stuck paying serious alimony, to rub salt in the wound).

I second what everyone has said--your friend needs tested asap. She should also make sure her husband doesn't get wind of her suspicions and, eg, quit his job.

These things really tear at your foundations, because the person you married isn't who you thought he/she was. The whole thing seems a sham and you feel very silly/stupid for being taken. So if your friend is like mine, it will make her question a lot of things about herself; it may take a few years for her to find her footing again. My friend did but it took a good long while.

 

[cross_7]

I can see it it now made for TV movie of the week
Brokeback Serengeti
Where the men are she-men and the women are lonely
A young vibrant women scorned by her husband for a she-man !
A lonely West Texas cowboy, a continent away. He could put her problems to bed, but all he can do is watch from afar !!
Stay tuned to see how this twisted affair unfolds

 

[alisonb]

Cross7

Stay tuned to see how this twisted affair unfolds

Sordid I'd say :shock:

Apparently camera has been installed in 'man cave' where the clandestine canoodlings occur. Wifey has gone to her parents farm for the weekend so will know by Monday if the endeavor was 'fruitful'. It must be eating her up!

Ethical/unethical to put up surveillance cameras? I do believe she is doing the right thing. I don't want to be her when she has to check the video.

Thanks all for your thoughts on this matter :D

 

[Jogeephus]

I think someone already touched on this but she is probably going to wring her brain trying to figure out what she did wrong or trying to understand why? Tell her not to. Tell her in womanspeak to accept the fact that she will never understand and leave it at that. Go on with her life. There are better things out there for her.

 

[Ouachita]

All I can say is dam, and echo what jo said. That is a hurtful situation, and it's not her fault. Bad deal no matter how you dice it up.
Makes me want to hurl. Lord what are people thinking? How can one do this to another?

 

[alisonb]

Well quick update - I've not heard from my friend as yet so am assuming that they have not managed to collect any evidence.

The hubby lost his father to cancer in May this year and it totally shattered him, so much so that he had a nervous breakdown and landed up in a clinic for a couple of weeks, now takes a bunch of pills. When he gets home from work he disappears into his man cave with a bottle or two and 'plays' computer for hours....his escape from reality. His buddy resides just around the corner so regularly joins in on the fun, he does bring his own bottle along :shock: . And so the black pit just gets deeper and deeper.

We have only recently realised how serious the matter is.

Thanks Jo and Ouachita, will relay that to her :D

 

[HDRider]

Boy oh boy! The troubles we put ourselves through.

 

[CKC1586]

Financial implications huge.

So are health issues - get tested!!

Bez

So sorry for your friend. Cheaters are vile, regardless of which "team". :devil2:

 

[GMN]

why doesn't she just confront him and ask him, see what he says? There must be a reason for why she feels she is being cheated on-did she see them together or what?

 

[greybeard]

why doesn't she just confront him and ask him, see what he says? There must be a reason for why she feels she is being cheated on-did she see them together or what?

Because evidence will quickly disappear, stories will get sorted out so both he and co-conspirator can get their explanations "straight", and he will probably begin moving what he deems "his" assets to a safe haven.
In these cases, it's best to leave no wiggle room--no room for denial.
The likelihood of him coming out and admitting to the allegation upon verbal confrontation without evidence is almost nil--unless of course he really is ready to 'come out'.

 

[3waycross]

Well quick update - I've not heard from my friend as yet so am assuming that they have not managed to collect any evidence.

The hubby lost his father to cancer in May this year and it totally shattered him, so much so that he had a nervous breakdown and landed up in a clinic for a couple of weeks, now takes a bunch of pills. When he gets home from work he disappears into his man cave with a bottle or two and 'plays' computer for hours....his escape from reality. His buddy resides just around the corner so regularly joins in on the fun, he does bring his own bottle along :shock: . And so the black pit just gets deeper and deeper.

We have only recently realised how serious the matter is.

Thanks Jo and Ouachita, will relay that to her :D

What a crock. What kind of grown man has a nervous breakdown over the death of a parent. I can see sad, or maybe angry but "nervous breakdown" the guy is a sissy in more ways than one.

 

[chrisy]

Well quick update - I've not heard from my friend as yet so am assuming that they have not managed to collect any evidence.

The hubby lost his father to cancer in May this year and it totally shattered him, so much so that he had a nervous breakdown and landed up in a clinic for a couple of weeks, now takes a bunch of pills. When he gets home from work he disappears into his man cave with a bottle or two and 'plays' computer for hours....his escape from reality. His buddy resides just around the corner so regularly joins in on the fun, he does bring his own bottle along :shock: . And so the black pit just gets deeper and deeper.

We have only recently realised how serious the matter is.

Thanks Jo and Ouachita, will relay that to her :D

What a crock. What kind of grown man has a nervous breakdown over the death of a parent. I can see sad, or maybe angry but "nervous breakdown" the guy is a sissy in more ways than one.

That's a bit harsh a lot of people can't take loss and it hits them hard, he may have been real close to his Dad. and never experienced loss like that before.

 

[skeeter swatter]

What a crock. What kind of grown man has a nervous breakdown over the death of a parent. I can see sad, or maybe angry but "nervous breakdown" the guy is a sissy in more ways than one.[/quote]


I agree. And I like this use of the term "MAN CAVE' :yuck:

 

[M5farm]

My granddaddy use to say " I don't know if he's homosexual or not but I'd bet he'd hold one in his mouth till the swelling went down"

 

[cow pollinater]

My granddaddy use to say " I don't know if he's homosexual or not but I'd bet he'd hold one in his mouth till the swelling went down"

I gotta commend you on that one. It's pretty hard to be that vulgar without profanity. :lol: Even I thought "EWWWW!" and I'm usually the one that offends everyone else. :lol: