greybeard
Well-known member
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty Black Ops II and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Kiergun
_____
Dear Kiergun,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa
_________
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "Naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. (You know who my dad is, right?) Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Kiergun Q. A. Olson
_______________
Young Master Olson,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, just barely, I might add, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take your father on in open court.
Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help you develop something that resembles a personality. And wash your hair, it looks like it gets rubbed on the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
______________
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm fittin ta tweet ma boys and we gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else DA HECK I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
K-Dog
______________
Listen Four-eyes,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world
on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He
sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal? I got your
**** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people
that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza
roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement.
You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your butt and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Claus
______________
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Kiergun
______________
Kiergun,
That's what I thought you little snotty nosed brat..
Santa
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty Black Ops II and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Kiergun
_____
Dear Kiergun,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa
_________
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "Naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. (You know who my dad is, right?) Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Kiergun Q. A. Olson
_______________
Young Master Olson,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, just barely, I might add, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take your father on in open court.
Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help you develop something that resembles a personality. And wash your hair, it looks like it gets rubbed on the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
______________
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm fittin ta tweet ma boys and we gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else DA HECK I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
K-Dog
______________
Listen Four-eyes,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world
on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He
sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal? I got your
**** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people
that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza
roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement.
You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your butt and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Claus
______________
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Kiergun
______________
Kiergun,
That's what I thought you little snotty nosed brat..
Santa
