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These are real notes written by parents in a school district. Spellings have been left intact. 1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE yoday. Please execute him. 2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot. 3. Dear school: please ecsc's john...

Anyone see CNN today? EstimatedOver 12,000 head of cattle killled in wildfires in Texas and Oklahoma . They couldnt outrun the fires. Burned up cows laying all over the place. They are digging giant pits to put the carcess in. Very sad situation. Here is an article BORGER, Texas (AP) --...

1975: Long hair 2005: Longing for hair 1975: KEG 2005: EKG 1975: Acid rock 2005: Acid reflux 1975: Moving to California because it's cool 2005: Moving to Arizona because it's warm 1975: Tryin to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 2005: Trying NOT to look like MarlonBrando or Liz Taylor...

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS. And furthermore .. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She...

How about deer skinning or quarters(the drinking game)?

I'm as green as they come. I was just giving you a hard time. You didnt lose your sence of humor did you? I'm with you on the learning part. Of course I could teach someone how to do it wrong if anybody has any questions! congrats again

Thanks, and here's to all the late and great Texans(and friends) that helped make Texas what it is today. :drink:

Didnt want to hijack the Happy Independance Day post, but it got me wondering how yall felt about Houston's new professional soccer team. The original name was to be "1836" to recognize the year that the city of Houston was founded. Shirts, caps, and everything else to promote the team was...

aint that the truth! :lol: :lol: :lol: congrats on your comedy guru status :P keep 'em coming

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock...

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've...

Boudreaux's 21-one-year-old, unmarried daughter tells her parents she thinks she is expecting. Very worried, they go to the drugstore to buy a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, and crying, Boudreaux says, "Who 'dat pig what did you like 'dis? I...

One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and...

The 8th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 7 times its normal size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 8th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and...

How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages..... English I Love You Spanish Te Amo French Je T'aime German lch Liebe Dich Japanese Ai Shite Imasu Thai Phom rak khun Italian Ti amo Chinese Wo Ai Ni Swedish Jag Alskar Alabama Arkansas Kansas Oklahoma Texas North...

Stress Management - I like some of the suggestions at the end too! A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight...

That's OK, I probable couldnt pass the 4th grade test! :(

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895? This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at...

Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite Bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life Without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes." Bob agrees it's a good idea...

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to...