Cattle Rack Rancher
Well-known member
Well, for all you northern farmers. Its about that time of year. Like all cultures, northern cattle farmers have their own traditions and rituals. One that is common this time of year is called the 'tractor starting ritual'. It a very complex dance. It comes with its own costume and a chant consisting of alot of phrases probably not suited for children's ears. The costume is not really flashy as most of it is sort of a beige color. But it is heavy and comes with a set of oversized boots. Anyway, it starts with the basic 'hope' ritual where you spray ether in the air intake and climb in the tractor and hope that its going to start. The engine turns over slowly and you realize that the 'hope' ritual has failed. So, this is where the 'not suitable for children' chanting begins. So, then you climb out of the tractor. This sometimes can include 'the banging of the shin' dance. Then you go and climb into the truck. As you climb into the truck, you perform another 'hope' ritual. (If it fails, its followed by more chanting). Anyway, at some point, you get a vehicle and park it as close to the tractor as you can. Occasionally, you get too close and hit the tractor (more chanting). Then invariably, you have parked too close to the edge of the door and you need to squeeze through (more chanting). Finally, there is the 'jumper cable dance' where you keep going cable by cable to adjust the jumper cables because they don't seem to be transferring power from the other vehicle to the tractor (more chanting). This also can be combined with 'the banging of the shin dance' and the 'hope' ritual when more variety is needed. Eventually the chanting reaches a fever pitch and either the 'hope' ritual is successful or you phone the neighbor and see if his 'hope' ritual worked and you get him to feed the cows.
