During a trial, in a small South Carolina town, the local prosecuting
attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in,
asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,
on the Bible, so help her God.
The witness was a proper, well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother
type, well spoken and poised. The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about
them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you
haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you quite well."
The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes.
Then, slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces,not to mention the court reporter who documented every word.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The
man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in
his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered
throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called
both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either
of you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail."
attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in,
asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,
on the Bible, so help her God.
The witness was a proper, well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother
type, well spoken and poised. The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about
them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you
haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you quite well."
The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes.
Then, slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces,not to mention the court reporter who documented every word.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The
man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in
his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered
throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called
both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either
of you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail."
