Relationships with fathers

[Herefordcross]

Does anyone else have trouble carrying on a coversation with their father unless it's about what you should have done in life and every time you talk you get reminded of every mistake you ever made since being born backwards.

 

[cowboy44]

what age are you and your father?

 

[livestock101]

Not with my father, but with my mother. I am constantly reminded of everything I should have done, didn't do correctly and didn't finish. It's a strained relationship and I do my best to deal with it.

 

[Syd Sydney]

you get reminded of every mistake you ever made since being born backwards.

Edit this>blamed and everything it sounds like I am talking with marbles in my mouth.
You would think it would be your Mother who would be hard on you.Unless your Father was blemed for verything painful in the childbearing days. ;-)

But to answer that I think alot of father son/daughter relationships are strained.Just about 90% of my friends say it is their Mother that is the glue that keeps everyone together Dad's and siblings ;Mom keeps them interacting and still in touch.

I used to thing my Dad was one of the smartest guys on earth and we did alot of cool things together he even coached my baseball team two years in a row and we became district champs.He was self employeed and he sacraficed alot to make time for us practices and games.

Then as I get older and am doing things and learning things that he knows not even the remotest thing about he still tries to interfere and tell me what to do.But I am not 12 anymore and have a family I my own so sometimes instead of taking the high road things get pretty heated.I wish I could just ignore it and walk away it's pretty sad when you despise your own Father sometimes.I guess maybe we all should be the bigger person and leave sleeping dogs lie after all you will not always have your parents around.

 

[Txwalt]

Looking back on things my Father was a great Dad. He coached my t-ball team 2years and my football team 2 years. When he didn't coach. He came to all my games and usually sat through every practice. I played every year of little league baseball and several years of little league soccer. He taught me to ride a bike, how to throw and catch, and how to play chess. He was great. A good Dad and a good friend. It's been 13yrs since he passed and I think I'll always miss him.

Walt

 

[Syd Sydney]

Looking back on things my Father was a great Dad. He coached my t-ball team 2years and my football team 2 years. When he didn't coach. He came to all my games and usually sat through every practice. I played every year of little league baseball and several years of little league soccer. He taught me to ride a bike, how to throw and catch, and how to play chess. He was great. A good Dad and a good friend. It's been 13yrs since he passed and I think I'll always miss him.

Walt

I guess what they did for you when you were younger is actually more important than how they miff you today that is whatt formed you to be the person you are now.They were young fathers just figuring things out and I have to say my Dad was a great dad to me as a kid ;always there for me especially since he didn't have a Dad in the early years of his life and had to go to his grandad for every father like thing.You made me think and next time I will keep my mouth shut when we get into a conflict as thankfully I still have both my parents.

 

[rkm]

My dad let me know when I did it wrong, he also let me know when I did good. Sometimes he thought it was smart just to say nothing. I hope I'm half the man he was.

 

[Crowderfarms]

I guess I was always lucky to have a great Dad. He always seemed to look forward, and not behind. I can't name a single time him and I ever had an argument.He always told me to hit problems "head on" and always remember to be a Man and not a Mouse....

 

[warpaint]

Fortunately, my Dad is still with us.

After many life lessons and after becoming a Dad myself, I've come to understand a lot more about my father.

No matter how old I am, how experienced I become, I'll probab'y never live to be as wise as he is.

 

[chrisy]

I lost my Dad 18 years ago two week before my youngest was born, but I miss that man as much today as I did back then. He was so wise and kind, we argued and we always made up before he sent me to bed and when I was older before he went home, I lost my Mum 27 years ago and it is the same with her. Appreciate your Parents as if it wasn't for them you wouldn't be here, and think how lucky you are to still have them, I wish I had mine.

 

[Lammie]

Does anyone else have trouble carrying on a coversation with their father unless it's about what you should have done in life and every time you talk you get reminded of every mistake you ever made since being born backwards.

You know, there was a time when I felt like every conversation with my dad was a test. I think that as I age, I come to appreciate more and more the wisdom and the life lessons he's taught me. My dad is 83, a WWII vet, grew up in the depression in a family that were tenant farmers in Oklahoma. He's seen a lot. One of the greatest things my dad ever did was to allow me to make mistakes. He let me climb trees, wreck my bike, later, my cars, he let my heart get broken, he let me live with a guy when I know it killed him.

I think maybe your dad just wants you to remember your mistakes so that you will learn from them. He's trying to protect you.

I am real lucky to have my dad. I know we never had much in the way of money and he struggled, often working several jobs, to let me do the things that other kids did. I can't repay him ever.

The only problem I have with my dad is that we aren't physical at all. We never hug. The few times we have, it was like hugging a tree. I know that now he's older, he needs that contact and it is really hard for me. I was always jealous of friends who had that kind of relationship with their dads.

Hang in there. Love and appreciate your dad for what he's trying to do. I think he's trying to remind you of your past errors so that you won't repeat them. Let him know that you can't change the past, but that you can learn from it, and thank him for his guidance.

 

[Txwalt]

After my first reply and reading these posts I started thinking a little more about your situation. If your father is giving you so much grief that your having trouble getting along with him, Get him alone one day. Wether it be on the back porch or in a crowded bar where you don't know anyone. And just talk. Talk about your perspective of the relationship and let him know that you just want one that is healthier than the one you have now. If that doesn't work than just don't talk to him for a while. Till he's ready to come talk to you. I've seen both sides of this. Friend of mine, son wouldn't talk to him for 18 months. Really bothered him and he reached out several times till finally his son was ready to talk. When I was younger friends dad was always chewing his rear. Friend just sat down with his dad one day and layed it all out for him. Whatever happens I wish you luck.

Walt

 

[*Cowgirl*]

Never had any trouble with my parents, both great people. :heart:

 

[backhoeboogie]

When I was 18 I had the dumbest father on earth.

At 21 he had attained a whole bunch of smarts.

At 25 he was near genius.

At 35 I lost him.

I give thanks that we had the relationship we had between the time I turned 21 up until I lost him.

 

[Bez>]

My Dad was a violent drunk - we fought verbally and physically many times.

I struggle to remember a time in my early years that he was ever sober for more than half a day.

Strong SOB that used to beat me pretty bad when I was younger - I came home to visit Mom one time after joining the military - he got drunk and started a fight - yet again.

I managed to finally take him that night.

Told him the next time he tried me on for size I would kill him -then we never spoke for more than 10 years.

Life was "not good".

20 years ago he quit the booze and found his family. He and I made peace one evening in - of all places - a hot mosquito ridden field - fixing fence.

I know he regrets the past and so do I - but it cannot be changed so we agreed to move forward instead.

At 77 now, he is a man I not only look up to - he is a man I deeply respect. His advice is not always what I want to hear - but it has always been spot on. It is never given unless asked for.

Seems the older I get, the more I ask his opinion - it is nice to have someone tell it to you like it is and yet not have an axe to grind or a personal agenda while telling you what you might / might not want to hear.

Hope to have him around for a lot more years. We both have discussed the fact that he could "drop at any time" - so I treasure the moments we have.

When he is not around, we talk at least two or three times a week on the telephone.

Do not know what I would do without him around.

Bez>

 

[Horticattleman]

I like the way boogie put it.

Man I hated my dad growing up because he was so hard on me, but He now really is my best friend. He was my best man in my wedding, we hunt, fish, drink, and Hang out together. I'm truly blessed to have him.

I'm trying to learn from what you all say and enjoy every moment I can with him and my whole family really.

 

[Stocker Steve]

I agree that the Moms usually keep everyone connected. I think there are two common issues that come up with "father"/son relationships. One is when the Dad is fussy and things are seldom done good enough. I have to watch out for this one and remember to look for the half full. The other one is when Dad does not have a lot of self confidence so he drags others down to his level, or challenges others who are trying to be independent.

It is sad to see either issue push people apart.

My Dad brags to people about me and loves to come out to discuss projects and look over the cattle. He cann't do much anymore but he still has some real good ideas. I also have an uncle that often finds fault or diminishes what I have done. My uncle is not happy with his life but never had the self confidence to change it... I try to include him more so he has the chance to brag about what "we have done" vs. finding fault.

 

[msscamp]

Does anyone else have trouble carrying on a coversation with their father unless it's about what you should have done in life and every time you talk you get reminded of every mistake you ever made since being born backwards.

There was a time not too long ago that my Dad and I couldn't carry on a conversation - period. We are too much alike, he tends to expect me to know what he knows without the benefit of teaching, and he has absolutely no patience. Because of those things, any attempt at interacting would always disintegrate into an argument or a fight. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but one day I decided that I had had enough, and I decided to approach it just like I would with anyone else - that is to respectfully tell him exactly how I felt everytime he made a derogatory or hurtful comment to me(that is very simplistic, but I think you get my drift). I flat out told him that he was free to yell at me if I screwed up, but only if he had explained what we were doing first and only if he had not changed horses in the middle of the stream. Otherwise, the right to yell at me was forfeighted. It took a couple of times of that, but it made a world of difference in our relationship and we can now talk, joke, and give each other a hard time with no hard feelings on either side, and work together quite nicely. He has even apologized to me for unneccesarry comments, and he trusts me with things he didn't before - I like that! I'm not sure if this is what you're talking about, but maybe it will help.

 

[Dave]

I love and respect my dad. He did a lot of things right and a few things wrong when I was growing up. But he is human. Now I am 55 and he is 81. It is beginning to wear on me to have him tell me what to do every time I talk to him. At 55 some would consider me a grown man capable of making my own decisions. Also I have some step kids (in their 20's) who I consider to be my kids even though their mom and I split up some years ago. It is mutual, the kids think of me as their dad. My dad has never excepted that and it has become a real wedge between us over the last few years. I have talked to him about it but it doesn't do any good. Unfortunately I have decided at 81 he is not going to change so I never bring up the kids. This ends up causing me to see less and less of him. Not the kind of situation one would hope for.

 

[msscamp]

You're right, and I'm very sorry it has come to that. :(