Redneck Church

[TexasBred]

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!)

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ....
The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear".

God Bless and don't fergit ta say yer prayers

 

[Lammie]

I think I've been to that church. Really.

 

[alacattleman]

nothing will ruin a good looking 3 piece suit,, like a personalized belt with a bama buckle :cowboy:

 

[pdfangus]

nothing will ruin a good looking 3 piece suit,, like a personalized belt with a bama buckle :cowboy:

what has a suit go to do with church these days?

Last couple of funerals I been too I was the only one in a suit other than the funeral home people. Some folks looked like they was taking out on vacation after the service. A few were still in their pajamas, it looked like to me. And of course the fat girls barely dressed so they could show off the new tattoos. Like anyone wanted to see that.

I do declare that the world has left me behind a good while ago.

 

[Lammie]

nothing will ruin a good looking 3 piece suit,, like a personalized belt with a bama buckle :cowboy:

what has a suit go to do with church these days?

Last couple of funerals I been too I was the only one in a suit other than the funeral home people. Some folks looked like they was taking out on vacation after the service. A few were still in their pajamas, it looked like to me. And of course the fat girls barely dressed so they could show off the new tattoos. Like anyone wanted to see that.

I do declare that the world has left me behind a good while ago.

My son said that people dress appallingly for funerals. The last wedding I went to was the same way. I'm talking jeans and tee shirts. I don't think that people know any better any more.

Of course, there are churches that stress that you don't need to dress to the nines. I can understand that, I guess. It wasn't the way I was raised, but if it gets people to worship, then that's the point, I suppose. Starched jeans and shirt look good anywhere. I swear, I went to a wedding a few years ago and it looked like folks walked out of the dollar store in the pj's to attend. They had probably just shopped for the wedding gift there, though.

Dollar General should start a wedding registry!

 

[mattyboy]

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.

Whats wrong with this? :lol2: ( I only speak from experience)

 

[Ryder]

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

I have always wondered about that myself. :dunce:

 

[TexasBred]

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

I have always wondered about that myself. :dunce:

Well....those were Jews and we know they don't eat catfish. Musta been bass....or carp. :lol2:

 

[VanC]

nothing will ruin a good looking 3 piece suit,, like a personalized belt with a bama buckle :cowboy:

what has a suit go to do with church these days?

Last couple of funerals I been too I was the only one in a suit other than the funeral home people. Some folks looked like they was taking out on vacation after the service. A few were still in their pajamas, it looked like to me. And of course the fat girls barely dressed so they could show off the new tattoos. Like anyone wanted to see that.

I do declare that the world has left me behind a good while ago.

It does seem to be a trend, doesn't it? Went to a visitation a couple of weeks ago and there were people in shorts and tank tops for Christ's sake. Maybe I'm turning into an old curmudgeon but i was always taught that cleaning up and putting on some decent clothes was a sign of showing respect, especially when someone has passed.

 

[Lammie]

No Van, you are right. My son has worked in funeral homes and says the same thing. People looking like they just came in from fishing or out of bed to be there.

That is why I like the dress code at the school where I work. I used to be just appalled at what some of the students wore, but then I'd see their mamas and figure out why...

I just don't think that people know how to dress appropriately anymore.

And it seems like the bigger the gal, the less clothing she wears.

My uncle passed away last summer and my aunt had to tell one of her granddaughters to go change clothes, that she was not going to wear that skimpy outfit to her grandpa's funeral. Girl didn't know not to show off her fat layers at her own grandpa's funeral...

 

[greatgerts]

nothing will ruin a good looking 3 piece suit,, like a personalized belt with a bama buckle :cowboy:

what has a suit go to do with church these days?

Last couple of funerals I been too I was the only one in a suit other than the funeral home people. Some folks looked like they was taking out on vacation after the service. A few were still in their pajamas, it looked like to me. And of course the fat girls barely dressed so they could show off the new tattoos. Like anyone wanted to see that.

I do declare that the world has left me behind a good while ago.

It does seem to be a trend, doesn't it? Went to a visitation a couple of weeks ago and there were people in shorts and tank tops for Christ's sake. Maybe I'm turning into an old curmudgeon but i was always taught that cleaning up and putting on some decent clothes was a sign of showing respect, especially when someone has passed.

I'm 29, and it is hard for me to comprehend why people do not at least look presentable when at a funeral. The last 2 I have been to, I was in a nice shirt and khakis. There were only about 7 people dressed better than me. (I did not know the deceased, but went to college with his son and daughter-in-law). I felt horrible for the man's son.

 

[Jim62]

Well, I personally do not go to funerals. I tend to do the visitation instead. And I usually do it in jeans (clean) and a shirt (with buttons). If I was required to wear a suit to attend church, weddings, funerals and other such social occasions, I just wouldn't go.

It has always amused me that in order to be considered well-dressed, men have to be willing to wear a jacket (even when it's 105), and tie a rag around their necks.

Seems kind of silly if you think about it..... :tiphat:

 

[alacattleman]

modesty... or out of respect.... im not there for my comfort

 

[pdfangus]

modesty... or out of respect.... im not there for my comfort

AMEN BROTHER

 

[Lammie]

Well, I personally do not go to funerals. I tend to do the visitation instead. And I usually do it in jeans (clean) and a be nice (with buttons). If I was required to wear a suit to attend church, weddings, funerals and other such social occasions, I just wouldn't go.

It has always amused me that in order to be considered well-dressed, men have to be willing to wear a jacket (even when it's 105), and tie a rag around their necks.

Seems kind of silly if you think about it..... :tiphat:

There is nothing wrong with clean jeans and a button up shirt. That's as dressed up as my husband was for our wedding. Starched, of course, with this good had and belt. I saw two guys at the wedding I attended Sunday who had tee shirts, not even tucked in.

 

[Lammie]

When you spell the word S-H-I-R-T, it keeps getting bleaped. I swear, I'm not spelling it wrong!!!

 

[alacattleman]

When you spell the word S-H-I-R-T, it keeps getting bleaped. I swear, I'm not spelling it wrong!!!

dont matter, its to close to that stuff that hits the fan :cowboy:

 

[VanC]

Well, I personally do not go to funerals. I tend to do the visitation instead. And I usually do it in jeans (clean) and a be nice (with buttons). If I was required to wear a suit to attend church, weddings, funerals and other such social occasions, I just wouldn't go.

It has always amused me that in order to be considered well-dressed, men have to be willing to wear a jacket (even when it's 105), and tie a rag around their necks.

Seems kind of silly if you think about it..... :tiphat:

Jim, no one said that men HAVE to wear a suit to be considered well-dressed. I always wear a coat and tie to a funeral, but that's just me. To a visitation I usually wear nice dress slacks, polished dress shoes, and a shirt with a collar. If the deceased is a close family member and I'm in the receiving line I go with the suit and tie.

As far as I'm concerned, nice, clean jeans and a shirt with a collar is perfectly fine. T-shirts, tanks tops, shorts, sandals, slippers, tennies, oversized Peyton Manning jerseys hanging down to your ankles (seen that recently) and similar attire are inappropriate. In my world, a funeral or visitation isn't the proper place to show off your tattoos, your nice tan, or your favorite sports team. It's good that people take the time to show up, but they should at least show the family that they care enough to take a few minutes to clean up, shave, and put on some decent clothes and shoes.

That's the men. Women are a little trickier. When asked to define pornography, Justice Potter Stewart once said "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it." That's kind of the way I am about inappropriate attire for women. I do know that wearing clothes that make you look like you're trolling for men in a bar isn't the way to go, at least not in my world.

Not trying to sound like the clothing police here, just giving my take on it. To each his own.

 

[VanC]

When you spell the word S-H-I-R-T, it keeps getting bleaped. I swear, I'm not spelling it wrong!!!

Does the same thing with S-H-I-F-T. Must be a glitch in the software. I've been meaning to bring it to Macon's attention, in case he doesn't know about it. I'll do that now.

 

[alacattleman]

have yall seen the commercial with roni lynn dooooeitch :cowboy: ,, good looking blond lawyer,, but shes wearing a something like a man business suit ...i assume too take focus of her and to keep it on her business