Victoria":2vcnxnsa said:
I have prayed for her - for strength and relief through this and most important that she will die knowing Jesus. I prayed that you will know God's peace through this and strength to endure. I am so sorry to hear about this, it must be a very hard thing to deal with. When it comes to these situations don't do what is easiest, do what you will regret least in 20 years.
thank you for everyones prayers. I have been thinking on what i might feel like in 20 years. I was in the middle of booking a plane ticket but my mother does not want to see me.
I never realized she was lets say a heavy drinker until i left home at the ripe age of 16. But before i left the last phsycologist (sp) we saw ( and there were many), had me leave the room. Lots of shouting and angry words, door opens and mother says we are never coming back. The doc, stops, me and says to remember it's not my fault. Any how a few years later i went back. Issues with mother again, he showed me my file and says look at what i wrote...so i did. To realize that i was not the the cause. But because i saw a problem, even though i did not know what, i was unwilling to be responsible for it so it cause a pile of friction. My other siblings were drawn into the drama, enabling her, however I would not take on that role. Being the oldest however i took on the role of the "protector". When things got to hot for the siblings to handle, I stepped in to take the heat and tell it like it was and to tell her to back off.
When she told my one sibling the day she stopped loving him and that he desreved the childhood he had and that he and i ruined her life, I laid it on the line like never before. Too say the least she was ticked. Then she called my other sibling several hours later after she tied several on and was so out of it, he got real scared and called me to tell me he did not know how to ge these late night calls to stop and that she scared him. I told him to stop recieving calls after a certain time unless it was an emergency..answering machines were created for such a purpose...I got into trouble again for that plus the call i made to mother to get her act together and get help. I believe it was at this point i called her on her drinking and told her to commit herself to get the help she needed. Needless to say that went over well.
Now present day, after finding out she is sick, i got the gumption to call her. i got the machine which makes sense cause she can not talk well. I was told by a sibling that she was worried the last words she said to me were in anger. This is what prompted me to call.
me: It's RR, I heard that you are sick, I am sorry to hear that, I called to see how you were doing....click
mother: (email-remember we have not chatted for in excess of 4 years by now) "you called"
me: email: you know i called and why...time is short do with it what you will
mother:You know, no matter what I say or how I express myself, you always take offense so there is no point in continuing this dialogue. It is very sad but that's life.
me: So, email her nicely and tell her what she need to do if she want to meet her grand daughter and new daugherin law and see her sone who has spoken to her once in 20 years...an apology for saying the day she stopped loving him and all. He is afraid to call her and is torn up about her dieing. (figure she's mad at me already, might as well be the one who tells her her son want to see her but first wants an apology. Then he does not have to take the heat)
Mother:I will only say this one more time, do not contact me again. I do not want to hear from you or see you ever again. Your e-mails are blocked
I will admit that email did antagonize her, but if someone did not say it, she might not get to see her son and his family. From what i heard, she might not be around by Christmas, time is short. I figured i would tell it like it is now so she could have some relationship with him.
the way i figure it, I had my clothes thrown out on the lawn at least once a month from the time i was 8 until i was 16, some times 2x a month, "don't come near me"...is the clothes on the lawn deal and in a couple of weeks...maybe she will accept an email from me.
Just to let you know i was not a bad kid, did not drink, smoke, drugs. Home....school...home...housework..raise my siblings.. I just had a problem with her craziness.
Any how thus ends the airline tickets, but she got a sympathy/sick card in the mail and a mothers day card in the mail.
Soaps have nothing on my family. 5 kids all together in my family, 3 fathers, and i'm near 40. I truely believe there is a generational curse on the eldest daughters of my family.
Speaking of mothers day cards, why can't there be one that says thanks for giving birth to me, with out you i would not exist...all so I love you, you are the best mother and mush...
just had to get it off my chest, thanks for listening or reading
