Parenting advice wanted.. if anyone can relate..

[Shantilly]

As some of you know, I am having a very rough time with my daughter. I have told her through out her life so far to not be like me and of course she insists she is NOTHING like me. But yet just about everything she has done is almost a duplicate of me.. It sickens me to see her going down a dark path that I myself have traveled many times in my life. I can't stop her because she is just like me in being stubborn and headstrong. Anyone know the best way I can deal with a "mini-me" ? I have tried everything that I wanted others to do for me in my darkest hour and that just seemed to make things worse and not better and now I am faced with becoming her "warden" more than her mom. * hope this makes sense* big hugs

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

What is her date of birth?

My daughter is asking. I shared your post with her.

 

[Shantilly]

Jan 27th.. she is almost 14... I am Capricorn and she is Aquarius so we already knew there would be a strain just from that aspect

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

Jan 27th.. she is almost 14... I am Capricorn and she is Aquarius so we already knew there would be a strain just from that aspect

You're a mind reader. My daughter is into astrology.

 

[Shantilly]

I like to dabble in a lot of things curious and I have the internet.... dangerous combo imho i have 5 kids 2 girls 3 boys... oldest is a girl and youngest is a girl ..both girls aquarians...sons are Capricorn Virgo and Aries

 

[Shantilly]

son that lives at home is also Capricorn like me..so now its gets even more interesting... others r grown and on their own..

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

She said "that is a difficult combination for sure."

 

[cross_7]

Mine is 15
Lead by example
Be a role model and take pride in yourself, be positive in everything
Quit being negative and saying things like don't be like me
Help her see what life has to offer
Have her set goals of where and what she wants out of life and make a plan
A goal without a plan is just a dream

 

[Shantilly]

Thank your daughter Tux and cross_7 that is great advice and pretty much has me in this mess.. I did lead by working hard and staying on the right side of the law, ect. But I am my own worst enemy and that has passed on to her and now its a "battle royale" over "she isn't like me at all", but feels the same as I have at different times in my life, but I don't know "what it's like to be her", ect. and I am sure you read my other post where I too was on "the edge" of ending it all.. I have never had "professional" help and learned as kid how to deal with my emotions on my own. Sometimes that dark path is way too long and dark and no light ever seems to be around.
She is on that path now and the center she is at can help her if she wants it. Problem is she has no goals and doesn't want any anymore.. most of her life she has wanted to work with animals, become a vet to all creatures that roam the earth. That plan has gone out the window and is replaced with wanting to be a psychiatrist, which I pointed out that she can't help others if she isn't willing to help herself first. So yeah, I'm not doing so well with this

 

[Shantilly]

I have always told both the younger ones that they can be anything they want to be and if they don't like what they have chosen.. pick something else. No law says you HAVE to stay with one particular field.. but no matter what they want to do with their life..they have to have an education, graduating high school is mandatory.. college is not... but I tell them to do the best they can so when colleges are looking for people they will come knocking on our door looking for them and then if they choose not to go that's up to them..but at least they set a plan to not shut that door before they even get near it. I never had anyone in my "corner" growing up and reinforcing that I was smart and could do anything I wanted,ect.. so I have tried to be my kids biggest fan.. rooting for them every step of the way... I know my daughter has a huge amazing life ahead of her... just need to get HER to believe that some how..

 

[Ouachita]

I've been a lot of things in my life, but being a parent has been the most challenging. Nothing else comes close. I have read most, if not all of your post. I gather you have had, and are having difficult times. I am very happy that you are concerned about your daughters future. I don't think I would ask this bunch for parenting advice :lol2: , but.........
You have to start somewhere and there are a lot of good people here that can offer experience

 

[Shantilly]

Thanks Ouachita and yes this is the most challenging thing I have ever gone through as well.. and my life has been like a really bad roller coaster.. lots of twists and turns and ups and downs .. most people will say "that's just life" mine has double and triple teamed me a lot. I have been on top of the world in love and had it all come crashing down around me, I have dug myself up from the gutter a dozen times or more and right now even with things they way they are and not looking like there will be an end to storm that I am.. I still believe that this is just another step in my growing pains of parent hood.. but I don''t want to loose my baby girl in the process ..

 

[Bigfoot]

I'm straight and to the point:

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.

 

[TN Cattle Man]

I'm straight and to the point:

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Bigfoot... you and I are thinking along the same path. Shantilly, are you and your family active in a church? Being a parent myself, I know that I personally couldn't do it without my Faith and my church family.

 

[Caustic Burno]

I'm straight and to the point:

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Bigfoot... you and I are thinking along the same path. Shantilly, are you and your family active in a church? Being a parent myself, I know that I personally couldn't do it without my Faith and my church family.

That is 99.9% of the problem in this country today IMO lack of use of the church house doors.

 

[Shantilly]

no we are not affiliated with any church.. long story on the kids side... mine is easier .. i don't like the politics involved.. if I go to church every chance I get ..don't hound me because I have to work on Sunday morning and can't help boost your Sunday School attendance... My kids have seen the inside of just about every church in the county thanks to their dad... They only liked the ones that served donuts and could've cared less about anything else affiliated with it. But I believe in God and I know that He is helping me as much as he can and what was odd is that I wasn't going to say anything at all about this in here. But something told me to go ahead and don't worry about people calling me a "bad mom" because of my problems and my daughters problems.. I personally loved going to church as a kid and have asked mine if they had one they'd like to keep going to and both said no.. to many memories of their dad i guess ...

 

[Shantilly]

forgive me but i had to look this up so i didn't say it wrong... Matthew 18:20
New International Version (NIV)
20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” My "church" is going fishing... being out in all the things that God created for me as a human to enjoy and respect. No worries .. I rarely catch anything and when I do I put them back but I take my kids with me when I can make them..and even thought they both say the aren't religious in anyway shape or form I have not one problem with talking about my God to them and what I believe He does for me in my life and what HE has done for us in the past..

 

[Shantilly]

In the bible it says that the father will be the one who directs the family in prayer and guidance.. well all the things God divided up between mother and father are now all on my shoulders.. so many verses running through my head and I know He will watch over us even when we are in doubt... big hugs..

 

[Isomade]

She needs time. Not time alone, YOUR time. Stop everything for a day. Plan on doing something you will both enjoy. Go shopping, get a massage together, go out to eat and to a movie you are both wanting to see. Don't force any conversation. When she sees that you enjoy her as a person she will open up. Since my daughters were 4 years old I take each of them individually on "Date night with daddy". On that night they get all fixed up and they get to choose where we eat, they order anything they want, and then we just have fun. Be it shopping, movie, or whatever they want to do. It has done wonders for our relationships. Then set a regular interval for these days, or evenings as I do. It could be one Thursday per month ect. And just be dinner and movie night.

I would also recommend a book by Dr James Dobson- "Bringing Up Girls"

God bless, I wish you and her he best.

 

[Shantilly]

She needs time. Not time alone, YOUR time. Stop everything for a day. Plan on doing something you will both enjoy. Go shopping, get a massage together, go out to eat and to a movie you are both wanting to see. Don't force any conversation. When she sees that you enjoy her as a person she will open up. Since my daughters were 4 years old I take each of them individually on "Date night with daddy". On that night they get all fixed up and they get to choose where we eat, they order anything they want, and then we just have fun. Be it shopping, movie, or whatever they want to do. It has done wonders for our relationships. Then set a regular interval for these days, or evenings as I do. It could be one Thursday per month ect. And just be dinner and movie night.

I would also recommend a book by Dr James Dobson- "Bringing Up Girls"
"Date night with daddy". is what she wants and can't ever have... its different with Dads and daughters just like it is different with Moms n sons...

God bless, I wish you and her he best.

"Date night with daddy". is what she wants and can't ever have... its different with Dads and daughters just like it is different with Moms n sons... she never wants to do anything.. i ask she says nothing.. literally.. i get the are you for real? look a lot.. which is why i make them go fishing with me..the last time her n i went she sat in the truck until i told her were changing pits and she had to fish cause it was the kiddie pool lol ..i can't fish unless she did.. after that we had a great time.. she loves the outdoors and she loves playing in the rain too So I'm guessing an all day fishing trip... where at least the last half will be fun