> >The Idiot Report........
> >
> >Number One Idiot of 2006
> >
> >I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
> >poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
> >she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
> >that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
> >daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
> >conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
> >poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
> >I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room
> >right away.
> >
> >Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >Number Two Idiot of 2006
> >Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
> >a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
> >of the plane and home.
> >Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
> >Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
> >It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
> >beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
> >employed at Boeing.
> >
> >Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >Number Three Idiot of 2006
> >A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch
> >and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
> >line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
> >someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he
> >reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed
> >the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line,
> >he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising
> >from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the
> >harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it
> >was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either
> >have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
> >America.
> >Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
> >He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
> >Bank of America.
> >
> >Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >Number Four Idiot of 2006
> >A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that;
> >measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
> >received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
> >payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
> >Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
> >another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his
> >$40.
> >
> >Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
> >____________________________________________________________________
> >Number Five Idiot of 2006
> >A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
> >of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
> >bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
> >on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
> >cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
> >The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
> >because she didn't believe him.
> >At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
> >and gave it to the clerk.
> >The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
> >she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with
> >his loot.
> >The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
> >the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
> >hours later.
> >
> >This guy definitely needs a sign.
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >Idiot Number Six of 2006
> >A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
> >revolvers.
> >The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
> >startled first bandit shot him.
> >
> >This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >Idiot Number Seven of 2006
> >Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
> >he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
> >booze, and run.
> >So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
> >The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the
> >liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
> >The whole event was caught on videotape.
> >Yep, Here's your sign
> >
> >(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
> >
> >IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
> >I live in a semi-rural area. (probably Weyauwega, Wisconsin) We
> >recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative
> >office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
> >The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't
> >think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
> > >From Kingman , KS .
> >
> >______________________________________________________
> >IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
> >My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
> >person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry,
> >but they only had iceberg lettuce.
> >He was a Chef?
> >Yep...From Kansas City !
> >______________________________________________
> >IDIOT SIGHTING:
> >I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
> >asked,
> >"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
> >I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
> >He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
> >Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
> >_______________________________________________________
> >IDIOT SIGHTING:
> >The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street
> >I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
> >She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
> >I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
> >Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
> >driving?!"
> >She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
> >___________________________________________________
> >IDIOT SIGHTING :
> >At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the
> >company due to" downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is
> >fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken.
> >
> >We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
> >
> >This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
> >________________________________________
> >IDIOT SIGHTING:
> >I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
> >and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system
> >would not turn on.
> >A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
> >____________________________________________________
> >IDIOT SIGHTING:
> >When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
> >car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
> >department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers
> >side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried
> >the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced
> >to the technician, "its open!"
> >His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
> >This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
> >_______________________________________________________
> >
> >STAY ALERT!
> >They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ...!!!
> >
--
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.0.410 / Virus Database: 268.16.9/622 - Release Date: 1/10/2007
> >
> >Number One Idiot of 2006
> >
> >I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
> >poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
> >she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
> >that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
> >daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
> >conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
> >poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
> >I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room
> >right away.
> >
> >Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >Number Two Idiot of 2006
> >Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
> >a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
> >of the plane and home.
> >Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
> >Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
> >It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
> >beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
> >employed at Boeing.
> >
> >Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >Number Three Idiot of 2006
> >A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch
> >and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
> >line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
> >someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he
> >reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed
> >the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line,
> >he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising
> >from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the
> >harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it
> >was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either
> >have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
> >America.
> >Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
> >He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
> >Bank of America.
> >
> >Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >Number Four Idiot of 2006
> >A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that;
> >measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
> >received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
> >payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
> >Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
> >another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his
> >$40.
> >
> >Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
> >____________________________________________________________________
> >Number Five Idiot of 2006
> >A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
> >of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
> >bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
> >on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
> >cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
> >The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
> >because she didn't believe him.
> >At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
> >and gave it to the clerk.
> >The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
> >she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with
> >his loot.
> >The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
> >the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
> >hours later.
> >
> >This guy definitely needs a sign.
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >Idiot Number Six of 2006
> >A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
> >revolvers.
> >The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
> >startled first bandit shot him.
> >
> >This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >Idiot Number Seven of 2006
> >Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
> >he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
> >booze, and run.
> >So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
> >The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the
> >liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
> >The whole event was caught on videotape.
> >Yep, Here's your sign
> >
> >(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
> >
> >IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
> >I live in a semi-rural area. (probably Weyauwega, Wisconsin) We
> >recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative
> >office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
> >The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't
> >think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
> > >From Kingman , KS .
> >
> >______________________________________________________
> >IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
> >My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
> >person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry,
> >but they only had iceberg lettuce.
> >He was a Chef?
> >Yep...From Kansas City !
> >______________________________________________
> >IDIOT SIGHTING:
> >I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
> >asked,
> >"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
> >I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
> >He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
> >Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
> >_______________________________________________________
> >IDIOT SIGHTING:
> >The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street
> >I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
> >She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
> >I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
> >Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
> >driving?!"
> >She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
> >___________________________________________________
> >IDIOT SIGHTING :
> >At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the
> >company due to" downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is
> >fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken.
> >
> >We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
> >
> >This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
> >________________________________________
> >IDIOT SIGHTING:
> >I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
> >and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system
> >would not turn on.
> >A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
> >____________________________________________________
> >IDIOT SIGHTING:
> >When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
> >car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
> >department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers
> >side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried
> >the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced
> >to the technician, "its open!"
> >His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
> >This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
> >_______________________________________________________
> >
> >STAY ALERT!
> >They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ...!!!
> >
--
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.0.410 / Virus Database: 268.16.9/622 - Release Date: 1/10/2007
