-----MEN-----

[TexasBred]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt . Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' FLORIDA UNIVERSITY! '

And they say blondes are dumb.....
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world..'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you........

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy..
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
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[VanC]

:bs: :bs:

Dam traitor.

 

[chrisy]

:bs: :bs:

Dam traitor.

Van this is not like you where's your sense of humour gone?????????????.... :lol:

 

[pdfangus]

I also am suprised and more than a bit disappointed that my friend TB in an apparent effort to curry favor with some females would so vilely turn upon his brothers in such a sexist posting.

Man bashing is bad enough when practiced by the meaner sex, but to be furthered by one of our own is truly demeaning.

 

[TexasBred]

Jim my wife emailed that to me along with a "death threat" if I didn't post it on CT. :lol2: Sort of gives you an idea of where I stand around this place. :cry2:

 

[pdfangus]

Jim my wife emailed that to me along with a "death threat" if I didn't post it on CT. :lol2: Sort of gives you an idea of where I stand around this place. :cry2:

Well I knew it was to "Curry Favor with some Female".

I guess a death, or other, threat from the wife is sufficient reason to cut you some slack on this one.
:cowboy: :wave:

 

[chrisy]

Jim my wife emailed that to me along with a "death threat" if I didn't post it on CT. :lol2: Sort of gives you an idea of where I stand around this place. :cry2:

TB I like your wife she sounds like my sort of person.

 

[3waycross]

:bs: :bs:

Dam traitor.

I'm with you Van. I think someone is way too much in touch with his "feminine side". :help: :help: :shock:

 

[pdfangus]

:bs: :bs:

Dam traitor.

I'm with you Van. I think someone is way too much in touch with his "feminine side". :help: :help: :shock:

or he is in hope of touching his feminine side......just saying....

 

[backhoeboogie]

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
-------------------------------------------------[/quote]

Manuals written by a Chinaman with a third grade education!

Eldest daughter bought a 4story wooden play set. Instructions were worthless. Taped to the inside of the last box were 9pages of amendments. Why not put these corrections with the plastic bag of instructions? 6men scratching their heads with the manual. Went to the hardware store and bought parts. Got 'er done. SIL calls me up a few weeks later telling me amendments to the amendments came in the mail.

 

[vclavin]

Jim my wife emailed that to me along with a "death threat" if I didn't post it on CT. :lol2: Sort of gives you an idea of where I stand around this place. :cry2:

I had a feeling your wife had something to do with the post -lol. :lol:
Valerie

 

[TexasBred]

:bs: :bs:

Dam traitor.

I'm with you Van. I think someone is way too much in touch with his "feminine side". :help: :help: :shock:

Ok stud duck. At least I don't come in late, put my leg in the commode and pee down it so I don't wake my wife up. ;-) :cowboy:

 

[3waycross]

I assume that you must be talking to Van. When I come in late AND drunk I just pee in the sink. :mrgreen: ;-)

 

[TexasBred]

I assume that you must be talking to Van. When I come in late AND drunk I just pee in the sink. :mrgreen: ;-)

ROFLMAO...or drop the oven door and let'er rip.

 

[Judge Sharpe]

In fairness: Women

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who don't own a gun.
_________________________

 

[alisonb]

JS - you sound so miserable, life not been too good to you eh?

 

[TexasBred]

JS - you sound so miserable, life not been too good to you eh?

Alison, I'm wondering which "mate" is THE "Lemon". :mrgreen:

 

[chrisy]

some of it was funny. a few were a bit sensitive and I feel should have been taken out :2cents: , as there are a few women who would take a dim view of the black eye sentence, thankfully I have never been in that situation but I know there are some on here that have.

 

[3waycross]

JS - you sound so miserable, life not been too good to you eh?

That's the problem with opening a door. You never know what's gonna crawl through it. :frowns:

 

[Kingfisher]

I assume that you must be talking to Van. When I come in late AND drunk I just pee in the sink. :mrgreen: ;-)

ROFLMAO...or drop the oven door and let'er rip.

Now why would you pee in the oven??