Medical Power of Attorney or ?

[Workinonit Farm]

Currently Mom is 88. I am one of her 5 children. Several years ago, prior to her Dementia starting, she appointed my 2nd oldest brother as her POA for all of her finances as well as medical, and put me as 2nd in command so to speak, should my brother decide he's done. The rest of us siblings were fine with Mom's decision.

Mom has Dementia and it is moving right along. She has begun to have some 'minor' medical issues. Even though 2nd oldest has POA (financially & medically), and by rights can just go ahead and do whatever for Mom, he always, keeps everyone 'in the loop'. The youngest, Mom wrote off, out of her life, at the earliest stages of Dementia but still in her "right mind". The oldest lives out of state.

I guess we are fortunate, in that we all get along, have no problem communicating with each other about all of this. It was the same way when Dad passed. There were no arguments.

 

[Rafter S]

I guess we are fortunate, in that we all get along, have no problem communicating with each other about all of this. It was the same way when Dad passed. There were no arguments.

You are fortunate, and I am too. When my father passed away there was a lot of stuff up in the air, but my sister and I settled it all without the first cross word. I've seen many families where that wasn't the case, and often there wasn't enough in the estate to bother fighting over in the first place.

 

[Workinonit Farm]

Had the family meeting. Full Power of Attorney was rejected outright. Side comments were to the effect that a quick clean death was hoped for.
Medical Power of Attorney was proposed as a just in case baby step. This is being considered. Any supporting benefit statements or tips that you can share?

If there will be no POA for anything, then it would be best to be sure that, for medical issues, there is an Advance Directive. (I don't remember if that was covered earlier in the thread) And be sure that as many possible scenarios are covered in that Directive, this way everything is all "spelled out" with little to no room for confusion. This way whatever is in the Directive will be what the 'Patient'/loved one wants.

 

[Caustic Burno]

Had the family meeting. Full Power of Attorney was rejected outright. Side comments were to the effect that a quick clean death was hoped for.
Medical Power of Attorney was proposed as a just in case baby step. This is being considered. Any supporting benefit statements or tips that you can share?

If there will be no POA for anything, then it would be best to be sure that, for medical issues, there is an Advance Directive. (I don't remember if that was covered earlier in the thread) And be sure that as many possible scenarios are covered in that Directive, this way everything is all "spelled out" with little to no room for confusion. This way whatever is in the Directive will be what the 'Patient'/loved one wants.

Need to really talk with an estate lawyer IMO I did.
There were all kinds of governmental traps that I had no idea of.
Cousin fought for years with the IRS over the sale of his parents home after they went into assisted care.

 

[Bigfoot]

Not sure why I'm telling this. My wife has medical power of attorney over her mother. She had a "decision" to make a couple of years ago. I didn't interfere, and kept my mouth shut. I thought it was a huge mistake. She moved forward, and it worked out fine. She's actually enjoying a pretty decent quality of life now. Left the nursing home, and is at her own home now. Again, I didn't say anything. If my wife had done what I was thinking, she'd have never made it. i wouldn't have wanted that responsibility either way.

 

[Chocolate Cow]

Bigfoot--Maybe this is a therapy session?! It's good to know others have been in this difficult position. I would also add that if your parents are to the point of needing someone to oversee their health issues, make sure their will is current.

 

[boondocks]

Here are some MN resources:
http://www.mnhpc.org/individuals/advanc ... out-polst/
http://www.health.state.mn.us/divs/fpc/ ... advdir.htm
http://www.mnbar.org/docs/default-sourc ... ctives.pdf

Good luck

 

[D2Cat]

Stocker Steve, how about printing off the links boondocks posted above and give them to your family member to study.

If they can't/won't digest that, you just as well leave it alone. You'll drive yourself nuts trying to get them to your way of thinking!

 

[dieselbeef]

a trust will address all this

 

[TCRanch]

My husband just had surgery yesterday. Last Friday the hospital called and asked if he was an organ donor and to bring a copy of the Medical Directive in the Trust. Gotta say, didn't give either of us a warm, fuzzy feeling the entire weekend. I'm his POA and fortunately surgery went well but had complications arose I still wouldn't have made any major decisions without first consulting with his kids. Make darn sure you're up to it!

 

[D2Cat]

My husband just had surgery yesterday. Last Friday the hospital called and asked if he was an organ donor and to bring a copy of the Medical Directive in the Trust. Gotta say, didn't give either of us a warm, fuzzy feeling the entire weekend. I'm his POA and fortunately surgery went well but had complications arose I still wouldn't have made any major decisions without first consulting with his kids. Make darn sure you're up to it!

TC, when you're there in the battle it's much different then a discussion on a forum! Your priorities get changed and life has a new meaning. You discover you can't control everything, feel vulnerable, even weak.

Thank God it went well. I'm sure you're both breathing easier this week! Remember, stay out of the fence rows! :lol:

 

[boondocks]

Personally, I would urge everyone to have the proper health care documents for your state. (If you can't find them, look at your state bar association website, or state medical association website, or state government website, or local hospice/palliative care website). It forces those difficult conversations and makes us think about what we'd actually want done in the event of X, Y, or Z. Then we can convey our wishes to our loved ones, and medical providers. This decreases intrafamily tension during crises, and gives the patient some assurance that their wishes will be followed--I think this is important since so much may be beyond the person's control, it is good to still have some autonomy.
Once you have all the documents prepared, plaster them everywhere, staple it to your forehead, go over them with family and drs., etc.
Also, lots of people decline to fill them out because they "don't want people to give up on them and "pull the plug" too soon." One thing to keep in mind is that the documents allow you not only to refuse treatment, but to specify that you DO want all lifesaving measures taken. Thought I'd mention that since I think people think of them as just "DNR forms" but it's much broader than that.

 

[william712]

its huge duty regarding the assignment medical PoA individual. you might be the one to pull the attachment. You will have the last say so in the last days. furthermore, may need to safeguard those choices to the remainder of the family and network.

 

[greybeard]

That 'unplugging' thing, is not always what one sees on TV. Especially if the loved one has a self sustaining heartbeat but is on a ventilator to provide oxygen. I went thru this exactly 12 years ago today, with my father. If you have to do it, ask the attending nurse/dr to turn off the monitor or at least the sound and turn the display away from view. Once the ventilator is removed, the heart rate will quickly increase as the heart attempts to pump more blood to feed major organs, like the brain. It takes about 90 seconds for all activity to cease, but will seem like a lifetime as you watch the monitor and you may wonder as I did if we had made a mistake. To this day, I'm not sure we did the right thing but I did not have the final say, my youngest older sister did. I harbor no ill will toward her and my other sister who agreed with her, but if it had been solely up to me, I would have chosen to give it 24-48 hrs, as he had only been on a ventilator for about an hour.
It was heart wrenching to watch that monitor and the heartrate increase.

 

[sstterry]

That 'unplugging' thing, is not always what one sees on TV. Especially if the loved one has a self sustaining heartbeat but is on a ventilator to provide oxygen. I went thru this exactly 12 years ago today, with my father. If you have to do it, ask the attending nurse/dr to turn off the monitor or at least the sound and turn the display away from view. Once the ventilator is removed, the heart rate will quickly increase as the heart attempts to pump more blood to feed major organs, like the brain. It takes about 90 seconds for all activity to cease, but will seem like a lifetime as you watch the monitor and you may wonder as I did if we had made a mistake. To this day, I'm not sure we did the right thing but I did not have the final say, my youngest older sister did. I harbor no ill will toward her and my other sister who agreed with her, but if it had been solely up to me, I would have chosen to give it 24-48 hrs, as he had only been on a ventilator for about an hour.
It was heart wrenching to watch that monitor and the heartrate increase.

GB I understand completely what you are saying. We had to make this decision 2 years ago with my father, only it was a drip that was keeping his heart going. Tough decision but you have to consider what his quality of life would be if you did not make it. End of life decisions are never easy.