Crowderfarms
Well-known member
Dearest Redneck Daughter,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your
dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen
within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be
able to send you the address because the last Kentucky
family that lived here took the house numbers when they
moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled
the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week;
the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob
(Nut Nut) said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with
the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were
really worried because it took him two hours to get me
and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out
what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
The baby looks just like your brother.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some
men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and
drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.
Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam
to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They
drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much
out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt, Mom
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your
dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen
within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be
able to send you the address because the last Kentucky
family that lived here took the house numbers when they
moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled
the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week;
the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob
(Nut Nut) said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with
the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were
really worried because it took him two hours to get me
and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out
what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
The baby looks just like your brother.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some
men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and
drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.
Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam
to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They
drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much
out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt, Mom
