wacocowboy
Well-known member
May God bless you and the children and ease your pain in these hard times
I need a favor please .
- Thread starter hillsdown
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alisonb
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Sent HD.
OP
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hillsdown
Well-known member
Thank you all so very much. :heart:
I guess he is stabilized and holding his own , but it is just a matter of time before everything else will shut down. All they can do is do blood transfusions and dialysis .
My nephew doesn't really want to go see his dad again at least not right away. His dad doesn't even know how to talk to him as he was just a small boy when he last really even paid attention to him. M said all he could think of about his life in the last visit and his dad really has nothing new to share . He even asked him " so what else have you been up to beside being in here ? " the reply was "well I am still drinking, but not as much as before " We knew that as he doesn't need as much as before because there is nothing to clean his blood .
I do not want to force him , so he has some projects due tomorrow and a birthday sleepover on Friday night . Maybe we will go up Saturday afternoon or Sunday . It has been really hard on all the kids , lots of different emotions going through them and way too much for any child to have to deal with. My sister was upset when she first heard how sick he was ,but now she is just bitter and angry again , and said she just wants him to die already . I hope she doesn't say this in front of the girls , no matter how she feels and that it might be for the best, the kids don't need to hear that about someone wanted their dad to die . I said to M that it was an emotional couple of days for me too , and he asked why . I guess they do not understand that we as adults have feelings too and he always sees me as the rock who can handle anything that comes her way . I explained to him that I have known his dad for over 20 years , he even was the MC at our wedding and I was matron of honor at their wedding . He has been a big part of my life and he gave me three fantastic members of my family that I love very much. I will always care about him , no matter how devastating his choices have been . Although it is easier for me to forgive as I did not have my life turned upside down emotionally and financially , however because I choose to care my life has changed dramatically in the last couple of years too.
If I could say one thing to parents from the eyes as someone who does not have kids . Please be a real parent, take the time give them structure and discipline and take the time to teach them things that are important in life so when the time comes they have the tools to cope and survive . Being a friend first or not doing things because it is easier to not care ,only damages them . It is easier to try and do your very best right off the hop than to come in half way and try to correct what was done wrong or what has never been done at all .Even though he is a great kid , it is an uphill battle daily to get him to actually care about others and not just when he gets something out of it .
I guess he is stabilized and holding his own , but it is just a matter of time before everything else will shut down. All they can do is do blood transfusions and dialysis .
My nephew doesn't really want to go see his dad again at least not right away. His dad doesn't even know how to talk to him as he was just a small boy when he last really even paid attention to him. M said all he could think of about his life in the last visit and his dad really has nothing new to share . He even asked him " so what else have you been up to beside being in here ? " the reply was "well I am still drinking, but not as much as before " We knew that as he doesn't need as much as before because there is nothing to clean his blood .
I do not want to force him , so he has some projects due tomorrow and a birthday sleepover on Friday night . Maybe we will go up Saturday afternoon or Sunday . It has been really hard on all the kids , lots of different emotions going through them and way too much for any child to have to deal with. My sister was upset when she first heard how sick he was ,but now she is just bitter and angry again , and said she just wants him to die already . I hope she doesn't say this in front of the girls , no matter how she feels and that it might be for the best, the kids don't need to hear that about someone wanted their dad to die . I said to M that it was an emotional couple of days for me too , and he asked why . I guess they do not understand that we as adults have feelings too and he always sees me as the rock who can handle anything that comes her way . I explained to him that I have known his dad for over 20 years , he even was the MC at our wedding and I was matron of honor at their wedding . He has been a big part of my life and he gave me three fantastic members of my family that I love very much. I will always care about him , no matter how devastating his choices have been . Although it is easier for me to forgive as I did not have my life turned upside down emotionally and financially , however because I choose to care my life has changed dramatically in the last couple of years too.
If I could say one thing to parents from the eyes as someone who does not have kids . Please be a real parent, take the time give them structure and discipline and take the time to teach them things that are important in life so when the time comes they have the tools to cope and survive . Being a friend first or not doing things because it is easier to not care ,only damages them . It is easier to try and do your very best right off the hop than to come in half way and try to correct what was done wrong or what has never been done at all .Even though he is a great kid , it is an uphill battle daily to get him to actually care about others and not just when he gets something out of it .
OP
OP
hillsdown
Well-known member
Darren passed away last night at 9:25 pm . He went into a coma yesterday morning , and it was a matter of time when the rest of his organs would fail . He was still lucid Sunday evening and was able to talk to his siblings and my sister , which was a blessing for everyone involved .
Thank you again for all of the prayers ,good thoughts and kind words for his children . It has been a very difficult 4 years , but now that it is finally real, it is extremely heartbreaking for them. They always had hope and prayer that there would be a miracle and he would get better .
We had a very strange event at the home last evening , and a few minutes later my sister phoned saying that he had died . I hope I am right and he is now at peace , and came to check on his son and say goodbye .
Thank you again for all of the prayers ,good thoughts and kind words for his children . It has been a very difficult 4 years , but now that it is finally real, it is extremely heartbreaking for them. They always had hope and prayer that there would be a miracle and he would get better .
We had a very strange event at the home last evening , and a few minutes later my sister phoned saying that he had died . I hope I am right and he is now at peace , and came to check on his son and say goodbye .
pdfangus
Well-known member
hillsdown....you are the amazing one.....doing so much good....I wish strength and perseverance to you...
Jogeephus
Well-known member
what he said :tiphat:
Nesikep
Well-known member
My condolences to the family, and yes, what Jo said 
branguscowgirl
Well-known member
Wishing all of you peace in your hearts and lives.
Deepsouth
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So sorry to hear about this. I will lift the family up in prayer.
boondocks
Well-known member
So sorry, Hillsdown. I have volunteered as a children's advocate for 20 yrs (nearly always with kids whose parent(s) have problems with alcohol or drugs), and what kids sometimes have to go through...well, it does break your heart. It's good that your sister's kids have stable, loving extended family. Maybe the kids can get some counseling, particularly from a person or group experienced in loss due to substance abuse? They will have a lot of things to process, and often it doesn't "come out" until months, even years, later.
It is very hard to watch someone fight and lose a battle with alcohol or drugs. Take time to take care of yourself, too.
It is very hard to watch someone fight and lose a battle with alcohol or drugs. Take time to take care of yourself, too.
MO_cows
Well-known member
Sorry for what you, and everyone else had to go thru. Blessings on you for stepping up and taking care of the child. Prayers for everyone.
OP
OP
hillsdown
Well-known member
Thank you so very much for everything !
Today I went to the bank and had a trust fund set up for the kids , so in lieu of flowers or donations to a charity ,friends and family have the option to donate to the kids college fund . Being a long weekend it will have to be finalized by our lawyer next week. We haven't decided if I want the age limit to be 21 or 25 before they get the money. Just trying to keep the kids best interest in mind.
The kids are handling it as best they can so far . I think as long as we are strong and let them work through all of their emotions they will be OK . Counseling is definitely in the works , I wanted them all to go sooner, but as long as they all know now that they need someone with knowledge and hands on experience in dealing with a situation like this ,I am please with that too .
Today I went to the bank and had a trust fund set up for the kids , so in lieu of flowers or donations to a charity ,friends and family have the option to donate to the kids college fund . Being a long weekend it will have to be finalized by our lawyer next week. We haven't decided if I want the age limit to be 21 or 25 before they get the money. Just trying to keep the kids best interest in mind.
The kids are handling it as best they can so far . I think as long as we are strong and let them work through all of their emotions they will be OK . Counseling is definitely in the works , I wanted them all to go sooner, but as long as they all know now that they need someone with knowledge and hands on experience in dealing with a situation like this ,I am please with that too .
boondocks
Well-known member
hillsdown":3mmk6u6w said:
Hillsdown, you may want to make sure the people setting up the trust for you consider any impact it may have on the kids' financial aid for college. There may be different ways to set it up that would be more advantageous to them (both in terms of the type of account, and also in terms of when they can have access). Just a thought.
Cabo
Well-known member
I strongly suggest 25 as the age to get it. I think my nephew would now agree with me as his was gone in less than 6 months.
OP
OP
hillsdown
Well-known member
Thanks again everyone !
I hope you all have a wonderful Easter . I have many blessings that I am very grateful for . :tiphat:
I hope you all have a wonderful Easter . I have many blessings that I am very grateful for . :tiphat:
cow pollinater
Well-known member
hillsdown":yw0wystq said:
Friends and family can extend out as far as you allow it to. :nod: Please let us know when you you have the trust fund set up and how we can get money sent your way.
