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boondocks

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..go on messing with cows after a great loss? I know several of you on here have lost spouses or kids. Right now I can't envision spending the summer cutting hay, putting up polywire, getting cattle in the chute...seems overwhelming (3 wks from loss of our only child). We are keeping up with the feeding but I am wondering where we will find the (whatever) to do all this heavy labor. After watching hubby maneuver tractor over an icy hill to feed today, I am also feeling a bit more risk-averse.

Do those of you have have been down this road find that the cows are a comfort? Or not a comfort, exactly, but something to keep your mind/hands busy? How long did it take you to feel like they might be worth keeping?
 
I can't relate to your loss, there is no comparison, but cows bring me pleasure, making good hay gives me pleasure, knowing that I am the sole caretaker of beings that depend on me for their welfare, and doing a good job at it gives me pleasure. You have a rough road ahead, but it's not you're fault, and your life goes on. I don't think your son would appreciate it , if you gave up on cows. We have to keep our safety in our minds at all times, when fatigued, for whatever reason, the risk is much much higher. I hope this helps.
 
Boondocks I have often thought and been amazed at the same time at my maternal grandmother. She buried four of eight not trying to compare. I just never figured out she got up and went about life with a positive attitude.
That being said on my paternal side I watched my aunt bury her husband a daughter and a grandson in three weeks it completely destroyed two families.
With all that said I have no clue how as I have seen both extremes in my family.
 
boondocks said:
..go on messing with cows after a great loss? I know several of you on here have lost spouses or kids. Right now I can't envision spending the summer cutting hay, putting up polywire, getting cattle in the chute...seems overwhelming (3 wks from loss of our only child). We are keeping up with the feeding but I am wondering where we will find the (whatever) to do all this heavy labor. After watching hubby maneuver tractor over an icy hill to feed today, I am also feeling a bit more risk-averse.

Do those of you have have been down this road find that the cows are a comfort? Or not a comfort, exactly, but something to keep your mind/hands busy? How long did it take you to feel like they might be worth keeping?

There can be life after cows just try it.
 
Iike Hurley said there is life after cows, we have been two years now with out them, just do 5 or 6 feeders now each year with a lot less worries, still very sorry for your loss, just couldn't imagine it, try and make it easier, and that's a decision that you have to make for yourselves, god bless and good luck on whatever you do.
 
A loss that is sudden, unexpected..without 'warning' is so much harder to accept and deal with emotionally than one that comes after a prolonged illness. It hits hard and is really difficult to come back from.
I guess it is a little different for me as I dealt with a lot of death when I was a young man, and as my siblings and parents grew older, I knew the losses were coming, and I've always just done everything pretty much alone anyway.. When my father passed away in '07 I just poured myself into work here with the cows and everything else. Not exactly the same tho, when my twin brother passed away in late 2017, even tho it was after a long struggle with cancer. It really knocked me back. I questioned everything after he was gone and I was no longer whole. But, I promised him that I would try to live enough for both of us going forward, and it's how I get by.
 
I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now. A good friend of mine lost their oldest daughter about 10 yrs ago in an accident and I still think about her and what they went through all the time. I've been thinking about your family since this happened too. We lost a good friend in an accident early last year. We were the same age and I think the toughest part was seeing his mother for the first time after it happened.

We had terribly long dry summer here followed up by one of the wettest muddiest winters I can remember. Yesterday while I was feeding in the rain and mud I was thinking what am I even doing this for? Well I sat there in the pickup and looked around at all the little newborn calves running around (just started calving season) and the mamas trying to keep up with them and thought, oh yea this is why. Give the cattle a little time sometimes they bring a little peace in life.
 
greybeard said:
A loss that is sudden, unexpected..without 'warning' is so much harder to accept and deal with emotionally than one that comes after a prolonged illness. It hits hard and is really difficult to come back from.
I guess it is a little different for me as I dealt with a lot of death when I was a young man, and as my siblings and parents grew older, I knew the losses were coming, and I've always just done everything pretty much alone anyway.. When my father passed away in '07 I just poured myself into work here with the cows and everything else. Not exactly the same tho, when my twin brother passed away in late 2017, even tho it was after a long struggle with cancer. It really knocked me back. I questioned everything after he was gone and I was no longer whole. But, I promised him that I would try to live enough for both of us going forward, and it's how I get by.
You gonna keep the cows when you move to west Texas.
 
Reading these excellent replies, I think about the people around me who have unexpectedly lost a loved one.
The only advice I can offer is, don't make hasty decisions. Keep your life as routine as possible until answers are clear.
Find a support group. A good friend lost his wife in a car accident years ago.He still talks about the support group he joined and what a tremendous help it was for him. You need that same help. You're drowning in grief with no where to turn. Emotional support is priority #1 right now.
 
hurleyjd said:
greybeard said:
A loss that is sudden, unexpected..without 'warning' is so much harder to accept and deal with emotionally than one that comes after a prolonged illness. It hits hard and is really difficult to come back from.
I guess it is a little different for me as I dealt with a lot of death when I was a young man, and as my siblings and parents grew older, I knew the losses were coming, and I've always just done everything pretty much alone anyway.. When my father passed away in '07 I just poured myself into work here with the cows and everything else. Not exactly the same tho, when my twin brother passed away in late 2017, even tho it was after a long struggle with cancer. It really knocked me back. I questioned everything after he was gone and I was no longer whole. But, I promised him that I would try to live enough for both of us going forward, and it's how I get by.
You gonna keep the cows when you move to west Texas.

I don't know yet, but probably not.
 
Chocolate Cow2 said:
Reading these excellent replies, I think about the people around me who have unexpectedly lost a loved one.
The only advice I can offer is, don't make hasty decisions. Keep your life as routine as possible until answers are clear.
Find a support group. A good friend lost his wife in a car accident years ago.He still talks about the support group he joined and what a tremendous help it was for him. You need that same help. You're drowning in grief with no where to turn. Emotional support is priority #1 right now.

Tremendous advice.
 
You can quit cows , just don't quit. I Know you've been dealt a really sorry hand. Don't quit on yourself and make it worse. Immerse yourself in something productive be it cattle are whatever. There is no undoing the past. Search for a positive activity to pour your pain into.
 
You are asking a difficult question B, as you realise everyone is different and each will handle situations differently.

IMO keep busy, both physically & mentally, no matter how hard it may be. There is a great possibility that you will lose interest in everything(not just the cows)that previously brought you joy. Perhaps set yourselves(you & hubby)a mourning period which you dedicate to your son. Plant a tree, dig his ashes in the ground, paint him, cry, make meals that he enjoyed, share memories of him with friends & family, cry, feel etc. Make no major decisions right now, the cows may just be what you need in the months ahead...

I'm so glad you are engaging and talking about your feelings and your very sad loss...
 
alisonb said:
You are asking a difficult question B, as you realise everyone is different and each will handle situations differently.

IMO keep busy, both physically & mentally, no matter how hard it may be. There is a great possibility that you will lose interest in everything(not just the cows)that previously brought you joy. Perhaps set yourselves(you & hubby)a mourning period which you dedicate to your son. Plant a tree, dig his ashes in the ground, paint him, cry, make meals that he enjoyed, share memories of him with friends & family, cry, feel etc. Make no major decisions right now, the cows may just be what you need in the months ahead...

I'm so glad you are engaging and talking about your feelings and your very sad loss...

Thank you Alison and everyone. I have decided to just be open and honest about what this is like, and how very very (insert strongest curse word you know) hard it is. I think that is the only hope of getting through it. Thank you all for all of the kind thoughts.
 
Boondocks, again I'm very sorry for your loss. As a young man (28) my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. We had 2 children (one of which was 1 1/2). She passed after a long battle. The morning after her passing after waking up before the kids, I had to sit in the floor with them and tell them that mom was gone. I tear up now telling you this even now. She's been gone a while now and I still miss the hell out of her. But that morning I told the kids that we were gonna take the week off from work and school... But then come Monday we have to get back to living and that death is apart of life etc. I know it isn't the same, but it holds some truth. We have to have faith, slowly pick ourselves up and figure out how to live on and try to find a positive down the road In it all. And I can say this for sure... We will all be here when you need to vent or talk. I could have sure used this forum back then.
 
There is a program titled Grief Share. I attended the first session at the request of a friend who had lost a loved one and asked me to go along for moral support. I had another friend who experienced terrible loss who went through it. He ended up leading the program for other people. I don't remember too much of the one session I went to other than it is a video series and that all people grief differently. I think it is mainly run through churches although not limited to a single denomination. It certainly becomes a support group that someone else mentioned. I do know it helped my two friends who went through the program.
 
Coosh71 said:
Boondocks, again I'm very sorry for your loss. As a young man (28) my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. We had 2 children (one of which was 1 1/2). She passed after a long battle. The morning after her passing after waking up before the kids, I had to sit in the floor with them and tell them that mom was gone. I tear up now telling you this even now. She's been gone a while now and I still miss the be nice out of her. But that morning I told the kids that we were gonna take the week off from work and school... But then come Monday we have to get back to living and that death is apart of life etc. I know it isn't the same, but it holds some truth. We have to have faith, slowly pick ourselves up and figure out how to live on and try to find a positive down the road In it all. And I can say this for sure... We will all be here when you need to vent or talk. I could have sure used this forum back then.
I'm sure that was very tough, Coosh. SO sorry you lost your wife and the kids their mom. I have read that into every life a little rain must fall, but sometimes it is a deluge and you're not sure how to stay afloat....Keep thinking I'll pick up my phone and dial him and maybe he'll pick up. Your brain does funny things, especially maybe with a sudden loss...We do take some comfort in knowing it was almost instantaneous though. One tries to grab onto any small comfort....
 
boondocks said:
Coosh71 said:
Boondocks, again I'm very sorry for your loss. As a young man (28) my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. We had 2 children (one of which was 1 1/2). She passed after a long battle. The morning after her passing after waking up before the kids, I had to sit in the floor with them and tell them that mom was gone. I tear up now telling you this even now. She's been gone a while now and I still miss the be nice out of her. But that morning I told the kids that we were gonna take the week off from work and school... But then come Monday we have to get back to living and that death is apart of life etc. I know it isn't the same, but it holds some truth. We have to have faith, slowly pick ourselves up and figure out how to live on and try to find a positive down the road In it all. And I can say this for sure... We will all be here when you need to vent or talk. I could have sure used this forum back then.
I'm sure that was very tough, Coosh. SO sorry you lost your wife and the kids their mom. I have read that into every life a little rain must fall, but sometimes it is a deluge and you're not sure how to stay afloat....Keep thinking I'll pick up my phone and dial him and maybe he'll pick up. Your brain does funny things, especially maybe with a sudden loss...We do take some comfort in knowing it was almost instantaneous though. One tries to grab onto any small comfort....

No doubt it is tough. I can't imagine losing a child or grandchild. I have prayed so much for you to find some peace and understanding in all this. I know it's hard, but I do believe that God never gives us more than we can handle. He will help see you thru this if you let him.
 

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