Dear Diary.....

[chrisy]

was sent this thought I would share.......

Dear Diary;

May 30th
Just moved to Bullhead, Arizona . Now this is the state that knows how to
live!!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and
deserts blend together. What a place! Watched the sunset from the back yard,
lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it
here.
~~~~~
June 14th
Really heating up. Got to 100 degrees today. No problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air conditioned car. What a pleasure to
see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshiper.
~~~~~~
June 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and
rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me! Another scorcher
today, but I love it here.
~~~~~`
July 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week day or night! How do
people
get used to this frickin Heat? At least its nice and windy though. But
getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.
~~~~~
July 15th
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. The
locals tell me to put this green sticky plant on me and it will all be
O.K. I missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
~~~~~~
July 20th
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left for work this
morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had swollen
up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2000.00 worth of
leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like
Kibbles and sh**s!! No more pets in this heat!
~~~~~
July 25th
The wind SUCKS!!!! It feels like a giant freakin' blow dryer!! And it's
hot as he11. The home air conditioner is on the fritz and the a/c
repairman charged $200.00 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
~~~~~
July 30th
Been sleeping outside for three nights now. $1500.00 in damn house
payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come to this God forsaken
place?
~~~~~~
Aug 4th
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air fixed today. It cost $500.00 and
gets the temperature down to around 90. Stupid repairman pi**ed in my pool and
spit all over the deck. I hate this stupid city.
~~~~~
Aug 8th
If another wiseass cracks, "is it hot enough for ya today?" I'm going to
tear his throat out. Damned heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator
is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted
freakin' Garfield.
~~~~~
Aug 9th
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black
leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my as* was on fire. I lost two
layers of flesh. Now the car smells like burnt as* and fried cat.
~~~~~
Aug 10th
The weather report might as well be a damned recording: HOT AND SUNNY.
It's been too hot to do s**t for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it
might warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren desert? Water
rationing will be next, so $1700.00 worth of cactus just might dry up and
blow into the damn pool. Even cactus can't live in this heat.
~~~~~
Aug 14th
Welcome to he11. The temperature got to 119 today. I can't believe I
moved here. Forgot to crack the windows and blew the damned windshield out of
the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, "Is it hot enough for ya
today?" Had to spend the $1500.00 house payment to bail me out of jail

 

[Angus Guy]

But it is a dry heat. :roll: :roll: :roll:

 

[Jogeephus]

July 15th
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. The
locals tell me to put this green sticky plant on me and it will all be
O.K. I missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

:lol: :lol: Reminds me of the time I vowed to watch the sun come up on the coast of South Carolina. To pass time away we played quarters till fourish. I watched it come up then rolled over and "went to sleep" only to be woken up by a lifeguard around four that afternoon. :shock: :lol: From the looks of things, I never rolled over once.

 

[I luv herfrds]

Had one for Montana but it involved snow, a snow truck and in the end an insane Californian and an axe. If I can find it again I will post it.
Pretty good one though.

 

[cattleluvr18]

But it is a dry heat. :roll: :roll: :roll:

exactly. add some good ol' humidity to that.

 

[Lammie]

I used to go to Michigan in summer, people there complaining about heat. I told 'em, "Just come to Texas! You won't know what hit you!"

This time last year it was starting to look like Arizona around here.

 

[backhoeboogie]

Oh Susanah was written on the west slope of the rockies, in the winter. It had to have been. Where else would the lyrics make any sense?

"Rained all night the day I left, the weather it was dry. Sun so hot I froze to death......."

 

[Earl Thigpen]

That's pretty funny. I particularly like the reply's "but it's a dry heat" :lol: :lol: 110° is 110° I don't care how dry it is! Same for 30 below! :lol:

ILUVHERFRDS, post the cold one when you find it. How's hubby, by the way?

 

[backhoeboogie]

Dry heat! Ah yes. Enthalpy and entropy. Evaporative cooling. Works for me. I understand it. Can't take a 90 degree sauna. I can work in 100 degree dry heat and non miss a beat. Wet your shirt in the wind and it is downright cold.

 

[3MR]

Dry heat! Ah yes. Enthalpy and entropy. Evaporative cooling. Works for me. I understand it. Can't take a 90 degree sauna. I can work in 100 degree dry heat and non miss a beat. Wet your shirt in the wind and it is downright cold.

Yup

 

[Mahoney Pursley Ranch]

That's pretty funny. I particularly like the reply's "but it's a dry heat" :lol: :lol: 110° is 110° I don't care how dry it is! Same for 30 below! :lol:

ILUVHERFRDS, post the cold one when you find it. How's hubby, by the way?

Lived in Arizona for about 35 years. I'll take 110 and 6 percent humidity any day over 110 and 60 percent humidty. It is NOT the same trust me. Now 30 below may be another story. :lol:

 

[Bez>]

75 degrees F and abour 50% humidity and I am done in.

If I head for the Sudan next summer I expect it will be a long transition.

Love the snow.

Bez>

 

[USMCRanchGirl]

Had one for Montana but it involved snow, a snow truck and in the end an insane Californian and an axe. If I can find it again I will post it.
Pretty good one though.

Here's the version I have ...

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible! Bob really is such a nice man. I'm so glad that he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I just wish that I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour. I think was very cruel of her.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying too.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0 degrees. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What! Is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight, the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents; but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the $#%*&$ slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a freakin' idiot; and, if I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm really going to have to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's REALLY getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30o and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THAT BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. Another 9" predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling now.

January 6: I feel so good! I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

 

[chrisy]

very good.

there is no happy medium, either too hot or too cold!

 

[angie1]

Oh ~ this is SO real and true! When I moved to Alaska, the people there were always warning me about how awful cold the winter was going to be. Well, we lived on the ocean so it NEVER got as cold as Minnesota. The lack of sun there gets to you after awhile though. Anyhow, I always love the first snowfall, after that I'd be happy to go back to 80 degrees!

 

[msscamp]

But it is a dry heat. :roll: :roll: :roll:

I don't know if you have lived anywhere besides Texas or what your humidity level is, but having lived in both Wyoming and Georgia, dry heat does make a very big difference! If you're being a smarty-pants, please excuse me for missing it.