Am I wrong

[glacierridge]

I am not so sure about that backhoeboogie. I know a young woman like cowboy43 mentioned. She will post stuff on Facebook about something that she did and all of her friends gush how wonderful she is. She eats it up. If a friend does something kind, she never says a nice word about it.

There are many nice folks here and many have done some incredibly kind, generous and wonderful things to help others and change lives for the better.

Agreed

 

[Isomade]

Friend of mine does good deeds , like when buying a hamburger, she will pay for the person's behind her even if they are a stranger, it gives her a fuzzy feeling , then she posts on facebook what she has done, then everyone tells how sweet and good she is, I think if she told no one it would be a good deed , but by telling everyone, she is just doing it for her own satisfaction to feel good about herself. Am I wrong in thinking so? :?:

I don't really care either way, but could you let me know the next time she goes out for a burger?

 

[Dega Moo]

So why do people do "good deeds" anonymously or not? Especially ones which require some sacrifice or cost directly to themselves? Has anyone done a "good deed" anonymously that they really felt was personally distasteful? But they still did it? Despite the fact it made you feel bad you did it anyway because it was the right thing to do? Maybe you were going to look bad to everyone else, but you did it anyway just because it was the right thing to do?

Most of us get something personally out of everything we do. We feel nearer God. We feel proud of ourselves. We feel morally stronger, even better than others. We feel validated by the most important person in the world, ourselves. The most important person in the world is happy with us! We don't have to tell anyone what we did because anyone else is not as important to us as us is.

 

[Ryder]

I don't see this as an either or situation. It is the motive behind it that is important.
I think many people give and it gives them a feeling of joy to be able share the feeling of what they have done. So to talk about it means they are sharing their joy and feeling of fulfillment. This is good.

To let good acts be known can also serve as an inspiration to others to do likewise. This is good as long as it is within the boundary of good taste and not overdone..
Look how many of us shared in Boogies good feeling about what he did. It also made me want to go adopt one of those angels and do likewise.

If the motive is from an egotistical, show off spirit, then it is wrong. To post on facebook to get adulation and attention for yourself is certainly wrong.
It just depends on the situation and who you are doing it for. The motive is what counts.

That's my say on the matter

 

[Shantilly]

They need a "like" button on here.. so many replies were pretty much what I was going to say, that even though they brag, they still have helped another and thats the important part of it the other side is when something happens and they can't be so generous, fb friends may start asking, what have you done lately? I have a friend who thought it would be wonderful to go to a retirement home and spend time with the patients/clients.. I know this friend pretty well and warned her that it isnt what they show on tv. She insisted that she'd be fine. I knew she wouldn't be able to handle everything that is going on in the place.. she went anyway.. she bragged about how wonderful it was going to be and when she got back the first day it was great, then little by little her posts became more about how sad it was there ... I think she went 3 xs and stopped. I prefer random acts of kindness and paying it forward.. I have helped others in the past because they truly needed help and of course i felt good about because it was the right thing to do. when they asked how to repay me, i said pay it forward and have a great day/life and have moved on. Being kind to others should be brought back to forefront of our lives... oh wait that would mean i'm no longer on earth as we know it..sorry forgot where i was ..still early and no coffee yet.. so hearing about these things gives hope to those of us that believe the world is going to get a lot worse before it gets better..

 

[Bigfoot]

We talked about this in Sunday school this morning. Talking about an anonymous gift on a forum, isn't like talking about it on twitter. Here you sharing how it made you feel, on Facebook etc. you are sharing the fact that you did it.

 

[Cabo]

That child's wants (needs) did indeed leave me a bit humbled. I feel great about what I did. Nothing to do with anyone seeing it. Plus I did not disclose everything other than saying "I probably overdid it"

I must admit that I wondered what you did for this girl, then realized it was none of my business. As long as I have been reading your post I know that you didn't mention it for self gratification. All of us should strive to be so caring.

 

[chippie]

We talked about this in Sunday school this morning. Talking about an anonymous gift on a forum, isn't like talking about it on twitter. Here you sharing how it made you feel, on Facebook etc. you are sharing the fact that you did it.

Exactly. Well said Bigfoot.

 

[TexasBred]

I love doing things like this. Buy meals , pay for this and that and then leave without a word just leave them knowing somebody cares. ..... But they'll never know it was me doing it to be patted on the back is doing it for all the wrong reasons.

 

[Caustic Burno]

I think there should be some anonymity involved in charity for two reasons. First, broadcasting it to your friends and neighbors undermines the reason for doing the deed. Secondly, if you broadcast it you will inevitably become a mark for those leaches in society who will find you try and pull your heart strings to get at your purse strings.

I agree we pick a family every year to help for Christmas the only person that knows it is from us is the preacher.
We get him to deliver it for us.

 

[backhoeboogie]

CB I like your method.

 

[alisonb]

No, I don't feel you are wrong, one should keep it to themselves.

I have a bit of a sour taste in my mouth from the last time I tried to help someone, it back fired on me and bit my azz....should have known.

 

[melking]

I agree with Ryder that the motivation is what counts but on the other hand, a good deed is still a good deed. So I guessz what I am saying is that if I decide to help Iso out this year, the help will be there regardless of why I do it?

 

[Dega Moo]

I agree with Ryder that the motivation is what counts but on the other hand, a good deed is still a good deed. So I guessz what I am saying is that if I decide to help Iso out this year, the help will be there regardless of why I do it?

The way I see it the problem with looking at the motivation is that it is very much like an onion and when do you stop peeling?

So you buy that lunch for some service men because they deserve it and you are a good person and you walk away feeling good about what you did and maybe you feel like you've done something most others wouldn't do and maybe you feel nearer to God or maybe it assuages bad feelings you had about something you did earlier and this makes you feel better about your self.... or ?? Maybe you did it because you're a car salesman and you want this public persona so that people trust you when they come looking at cars. It makes your wife happy when you sell a car or you get this real kick out of seeing satisfied customers. Is there something wrong with that motivation? Or maybe you don't feel good about yourself and you do something so you can tell people and you hope they'll convince you you are worthy.

Not picking on AlisonB but a good deed that backfired on you implies there was an expected product of this good deed that was expected to 'pay off' in some way even if that pay off was only an expectation to not have a negative experience.

Which motivations are worthy? How do you decide? How do we know what motivates anyone?

My own take is everything we do we expect to somehow benefit our own self so whether or not some one acts anonymously or not, with or without apparent self motivation matters not a bit. If someone does something nice, they did something nice, end of story.

 

[TexasBred]

I left a church over this kind of behavior.

Something caught my attention last week listening to the radio. The church has never been free of hypocrites, Judas was called to be apart of the 12 disciples (while Jesus fully knowing the hearts of men). Judas, prior to betraying Jesus, stole from the earliest offering. It illustrates that hypocrites have always been apart of the church and will through the ages. The important part being that the other 11 disciples didn't fall away because of the wrong doing of the 1, but pressed on with the good work.

The church is like a hospital, it is where the injured should go to heal. Hopefully, it is full of people each week that have a chance to hear a message.

Aren't you glad Jesus Christ didn't get rid of the likes of Peter,Paul and the others because of the actions of Judas.

 

[TexasBred]

My own take is everything we do we expect to somehow benefit our own self so whether or not some one acts anonymously or not, with or without apparent self motivation matters not a bit. If someone does something nice, they did something nice, end of story.

You really believe that?? Sure it makes you feel good but the real "feel good" part is that the person who was helped was helped and it basically cost me absolutely nothing, but I never even know if they appreciated it or not. In my case there is no planning. Just something that is almost instantaneous. Maybe the next day they will be the giver instead of the recipient. I simply prefer to call it love and concern for another human being.

 

[Dega Moo]

Yes I do. You yourself said - "Sure it makes you feel good but...." It makes you feel good, even though you don't know if it was fully appreciated. It may be hard to argue that feeling good about yourself is on par with someone who appears to expect monetary gains but in any case, the motivation is personal gratification and the difference is simply in degree and measure.

My point really is that when someone does something nice I don't want to parse their motivation.

 

[TexasBred]

Yes I do. You yourself said - "Sure it makes you feel good but...." It makes you feel good, even though you don't know if it was fully appreciated. It may be hard to argue that feeling good about yourself is on par with someone who appears to expect monetary gains but in any case, the motivation is personal gratification and the difference is simply in degree and measure.

My point really is that when someone does something nice I don't want to parse their motivation.

Nor do it and I'm sure some do it for self gratification. And yes I might smile but then I also smile when I think about my mom....is it gratification or love?

 

[Dega Moo]

I think we're on the same side of this question really. I think love is gratification.

 

[Ouachita]

This has been posted here before. Forgive me if this offends anyone. Kahlil or Khalil Gibran depending on the source.......


Then said a rich man, "Speak to us of Giving."

And he answered:

You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the overprudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?

And what is fear of need but need itself?

Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, thirst that is unquenchable?

There are those who give little of the much which they have - and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;

They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.

Though the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;

And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving

And is there aught you would withhold?

All you have shall some day be given;

Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors'.

You often say, "I would give, but only to the deserving."

The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.

They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.

Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is worthy of all else from you.

And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.

And what desert greater shall there be than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?

And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?

See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.

For in truth it is life that gives unto life - while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

And you receivers - and you are all receivers - assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.

Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;

For to be overmindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the free-hearted earth for mother, and God for father.