Colorado2008
Well-known member
> Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when East Coasters
> and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin,
> Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and
> South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of
> informal ion guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the
> Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the
> state:
>
> 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
> breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>
> 2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're
> going to get dust on your car.
>
> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah,
> we saw Bambi. We got over it.
>
> 4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
> flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
> little trout you fish for...bait.
>
> 5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
> 6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
> final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don't have it up to
> your ear at the time.
>
> 7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
> rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
> ham and turkey.
>
> 8. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
> ice.
>
> 9. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends? We're
> real impressed... We have a quarter-million dollar combine that we only
> use two weeks a year.
>
> 10. Let's get this straight - We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
> it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>
> 11. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So,
> you're a feminist... Isn't that cute...
>
> 12. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi
> and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>
>13. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
> it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates 29, 35, & 69 go the
> other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
>
> 14. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
> holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
>
> 15. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
> Understand the concept?
>
> 16. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water hazard. It
> spooks our fish.
>
> 17. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
> like an idiot, his name is "Sir". No matter how old he is.
>
> 18. The bill on your hat should turn down at the edges to shed the rain
> and be centered over your nose to keep the sunlight out of your eyes. Any
> other location/orientation makes you look like an idiot.
>
> Now, enjoy your visit! :D
> and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin,
> Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and
> South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of
> informal ion guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the
> Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the
> state:
>
> 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
> breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>
> 2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're
> going to get dust on your car.
>
> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah,
> we saw Bambi. We got over it.
>
> 4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
> flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
> little trout you fish for...bait.
>
> 5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
> 6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
> final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don't have it up to
> your ear at the time.
>
> 7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
> rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
> ham and turkey.
>
> 8. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
> ice.
>
> 9. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends? We're
> real impressed... We have a quarter-million dollar combine that we only
> use two weeks a year.
>
> 10. Let's get this straight - We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
> it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>
> 11. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So,
> you're a feminist... Isn't that cute...
>
> 12. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi
> and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>
>13. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
> it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates 29, 35, & 69 go the
> other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
>
> 14. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
> holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
>
> 15. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
> Understand the concept?
>
> 16. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water hazard. It
> spooks our fish.
>
> 17. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
> like an idiot, his name is "Sir". No matter how old he is.
>
> 18. The bill on your hat should turn down at the edges to shed the rain
> and be centered over your nose to keep the sunlight out of your eyes. Any
> other location/orientation makes you look like an idiot.
>
> Now, enjoy your visit! :D
