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LMAO! What cracks me up, is Y'all taking the time to COUNT the cats! We have 2 cats in the house, ONLY because it's a 100 yr old farm house, and the mice keep coming in, no matter HOW much of that yellow expanding foamy stuff I fill cracks with, and the dang dogs just watch the mice steal food...

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he...

My little brother and his wife named their first daughter "Sunny Joy". Have a friend in Ca who named her daughter "Arrayah Sunshine" Worked for a logging company, and the owner's son was named "Trapper Hunter Fischer" Almost named my 3 yr old Aaron Steven, but his last name starts with an S...

First Grade.....true story. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the...

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take LulaBelle for a...

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [hmm!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that's taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Do they ever read what they write?] Panda Mating Fails...

Subject: Fw: Wine vs. Water In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are...

Isn't Utah a free range state?

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the...

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so St. Peter decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day. The next day at 12:01 the...

The Drug Problem By an anknown author The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?'' I replied...

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador...

> A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of > the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind > him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" > > > > St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on > earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on > your clock...

Or, "The Ol' Jeff Foxworthy Standby" (Yes, I did this once, LOL!) If either you or your wife work with any of the pranksters from last year, wait 'till Friday, the 30th, right before quitting time, and then ask them..."are You Gettin' FIRED???" They'll stew all weekend about it! :lol: :lol...

"Case in point: Hoss' mom, a mixed-breed cow that had delivered six normal-sized calves before Hoss, did not survive the traumatic experience of delivering such a huge calf. She lived for about a week before dying last weekend." What was SHE mixed with??? :shock:

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

At one point in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." "It's the act of doing things for other people, right?" Then I heard these phrases using the word SERVICE: Internal RevenueService PostalService TelephoneService CivilService City &County PublicService...

WHY WE LOVE KIDS 1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer eveningwhen a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat...

Thanks! Had to come in to work today, and now the kid has something to do! ;-) BTW, this was NOT planned, as it's his last week here, then off to Montana.

The 16 yr old wants some laptop gaming computer that costs $3400. :shock: Not happening. The 7 yr old wants a .243 hunting rifle. another :shock: NOT! the 3 yr old wants a "Princess Dress." Not sure how to explain THAT to HIS dad! BUT, it's the only semi-affordable request...