Cattle Rack Rancher
Well-known member
Zen Sarcasm
>
> 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for
>I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me
>alone.
>
> 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
>leaky tire.
>
> 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
>neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
>
> 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
>promoted.
>
> 6. No one is listening until you fart.
>
> 7. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else .
>
> 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
>
> 9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
>payments .
>
> 10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
>That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their
>shoes.
>
> 11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
>
> 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
>and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
>
> 13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
>probably worth it.
>
> 14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
>
> 15. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
>
> 16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
>
> 17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from
>bad judgment.
>
> 18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
>back in your pocket.
>
> 19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
>
> 20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and
>it holds the universe together.
>
> 21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
>
> 22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
>moving.
>
> 23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
>
> 24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
>
> 25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt. Then
>things get worse.
>
> 26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
>the same night.
>
> 27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
>
> 28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
>seriously.
>
> 29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
>a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
>
> 30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
>
> 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for
>I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me
>alone.
>
> 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
>leaky tire.
>
> 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
>neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
>
> 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
>promoted.
>
> 6. No one is listening until you fart.
>
> 7. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else .
>
> 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
>
> 9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
>payments .
>
> 10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
>That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their
>shoes.
>
> 11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
>
> 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
>and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
>
> 13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
>probably worth it.
>
> 14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
>
> 15. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
>
> 16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
>
> 17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from
>bad judgment.
>
> 18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
>back in your pocket.
>
> 19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
>
> 20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and
>it holds the universe together.
>
> 21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
>
> 22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
>moving.
>
> 23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
>
> 24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
>
> 25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt. Then
>things get worse.
>
> 26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
>the same night.
>
> 27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
>
> 28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
>seriously.
>
> 29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
>a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
>
> 30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
