The Apple

[inyati13]

The apple does not fall far from the tree. My son and I discuss molecular biology and he beats my tail off. He never wants to let me get away with any statement without making some level of correction. He was like that as a child. In the 18 years he was in our home, my wife took him to school and I picked him up. It was the highlight of my day, watching him come to me for the ride home. On the way home one day when he was about 14, he looks over and says, “You know, you are not a good driver.“ I ask why. He says, “You don’t keep your eyes on the road”. He aspired to be an adult, an equal.

When he was about 9, I heard him crying in his room after he and I got home. I went in and ask him what was wrong. He tried to act like he had not been crying. He did not want to tell me.

We went to the lab (I built my son a lab in the basement. He had an aptitude for reading at an advanced level. He liked the novels about biohazards. The Ebola virus was in vogue. So I built him a laboratory with a counter, microscope, sink, etc). He started crying in front of me. He told me that the kids picked on him at school.

I told him, I went through that. I love my dad and I miss him everyday, but he cast many stones with his lips. My son listened intently as I told him some of the things my dad had said to me growing up. I said his words became nothing more than sounds whistling in the wind and when I look back, I realized those words helped me. I explained that you not only learn from good examples but you learn from bad examples.

So, I told my son, that being teased is good. I said son, you know what stops a biohazard such as your story on Ebola. What? Finding a way to immunize the population. You are being immunized by those kids. I said what I feel bad about is that the vaccine is hurting you. We talked and I don't remember what all we said but I don't remember him ever coming home hurt over being teased at school again.

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

Sounds like you did a fine job raising your son Inyati.

I think back to some of the words I used with my boy and I have to admit I wasn't always as supportive as I needed to be.

 

[inyati13]

Sounds like you did a fine job raising your son Inyati.

I think back to some of the words I used with my boy and I have to admit I wasn't always as supportive as I needed to be.

Life is an experiment; raising your children is like forging metal in a fire. You kindle the fire, you hammer, you bend, and then you quench your product in blood. If you put your heart into it, your sweat, the force of your flesh and bone; the product will face the test of time and use. Every blow is not perfect. A bend may be overdone. I know the blacksmith you are. I trust your product will fare well.

 

[Jogeephus]

The timing of this thread is unbelievable given what happened at my house last night. To my knowledge, it was the only time I exercised my will over the will of my wife without some sort of compromise ending in a win/win situation for the both of us. And yes, it involved child rearing.

I've tried to raise my kids like I would ride a horse. They know what I expect of them and as long as they stay the course I've given them free reign and would do anything within my power to see to it that their goals were achieved. I have also been brutally honest with them and admitted my many mistakes in hopes that they would understand my not allowing them to do certain things or be in certain situations was for a reason. I stressed to them that stupidity would be painful and not to look for daddy (or momma) to come bail them out of jail. I told them that I knew they would make mistakes and to call me if they ever needed a ride home if they happened to drink or find themselves in a situation where it was unsafe for them to drive while at the same time I discouraged drinking and drug use. But I would rather me come pick up a live drunk child than attend their funeral. Contradictory? Maybe. But they were aware I was no saint because I told them my mistakes - most of them anyway.

Anyhow, this has worked well raising our two boys and while I'm uncomfortable raising a daughter I thought I'd treat her the same and this method seems to be working really well with her - "The Bug". I'm sure I've bragged on "The Bug's" capitalistic nature with her many successful money making ventures and I'm sure I've mentioned how I have dreaded the inevitable "talk" with her. Not about the birds and the bees but about the IRS. I know this will kill some of her spirit. But I digress.

One of "The Bug's" money making ventures is baby sitting. She is wonderful at this and parent's fight each other over her. She loves children and will actually teach them to cook, read and do all sorts of things and the parents and children love this. One week this summer she earned more in a week than I did. All cash. And this goes into her savings account or is used to buy stocks or bonds. She has more than a savings account. She has amassed a small fortune from her egg sales, babysitting and vegie sales. She is also a Jr. Board Member at the bank and draws a salary for this as well. To say I'm proud is an understatement.

And she gets perks. Parents wanting their children to attend horseback riding lessons will pay her tuition so she will take their children to the classes and be with them. Its really something to see. A win/win deal for all. This is what I've tried to instill in her and she has picked it up magnificently but herein lies the problem.

One of the families who uses her for babysitting wants her to go with them on vacation outside the country with them. They will pay all her expenses and pay her to boot. She's 16. She's got a 3.98 average in school and has never given us one moments trouble and she has abided by our rules to a T. Loads of common sense too. Our agreement her has been you fly right and we will not hold the reigns. She wants to go. At first my wife agreed but got cold feet and changed her mind saying something could happen to her. Kidnapped. Sex trade. All those bad things. She told me this last night while "the bug" was upstairs supposedly out of earshot.

I over-rode her on this and was unflinching about it. I explained to my wife that in a year and a half "the bug" would be leaving for college and we have raised a wonderfully smart beautiful young lady and for us not to allow her to go would imply she has not earned our trust AND that our word is no good because she has followed the rules. On top of this, we allowed our youngest son to go to Europe for three weeks at the same age so what would this say toward discrimination?

While I can't say I am totally at ease with this but who is when you wean a child? But its inevitable. AND I'm uncomfortable because my wife isn't on board 100% and I know that if something did happen to "the bug" I would be facing a divorce. Of course this wouldn't really matter in the scope of things because if something did happen I'd spend my last dying breathe hunting down whoever was stupid enough to harm her. And their friends and their relatives. And their pets. Medieval is not the word for what I'd do to the sick bastard. That aside, I believe I must have faith in her to make good use of what she has been taught. Not trusting her, I fear, would break her spirit and paint us both as liars and I've been too brutally honest with them to start this. The vision of a beautiful free spirited horse running across the plain is just too much for me to risk saying no.

 

[skyhightree1]

Good lesson inyati - Jo I agree with you on that.

 

[TN Cattle Man]

This thread got me to thinking about the "Promise".

My Promise to my children...

For as long as I live, I will always be your parent first, and your friend second.
I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare, and hunt you down like a bloodhound when I had to,
because I love you!
When you understand that, I will know that you have become a responsible adult.
You will never find anyone else in your life who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more then I do.
If you don't utter under your breath "I Hate You" at least once in your life, I am not doing my job properly!

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

Good heavens Jo, are they vacationing in Iran or something?

 

[wbvs58]

Yep dirt is good.
A sterile environment is OK if you can keep them in it forever.
Ken

 

[M5farm]

JO you are right in everything you laid out. and if everything you say about this young lady is true. she will not put herself in a situation and from what I read she can defend herself. your still going to have to pay the piper(wife) but she will soon forgive.

Have you ever considered and arranged marriage for her? I have a son just a few years older, he has a good job and is very smart. I am willing to give you 5 jackasses 3 horses and the best bull calf that doesn't get sold this year.

 

[Jogeephus]

Good heavens Jo, are they vacationing in Iran or something?

Thanks. Honestly. You don't know how good a voice of reason made me feel. You just have to understand my wife. I am sure she would die a thousand deaths rather than have something happen to the bug. Its a little hypocritical of her too because at 16 she spent a year in Japan by herself and even some time in South Korea.

I don't think she is going to take it too well when we wean the bug. Staring at me all day is really going to take its toll on her.

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

She's somehow survived living with you all these years Jo so I'm sure she'll survive the weaning of the "the bug".

 

[inyati13]

The timing of this thread is unbelievable given what happened at my house last night. To my knowledge, it was the only time I exercised my will over the will of my wife without some sort of compromise ending in a win/win situation for the both of us. And yes, it involved child rearing.

I've tried to raise my kids like I would ride a horse. They know what I expect of them and as long as they stay the course I've given them free reign and would do anything within my power to see to it that their goals were achieved. I have also been brutally honest with them and admitted my many mistakes in hopes that they would understand my not allowing them to do certain things or be in certain situations was for a reason. I stressed to them that stupidity would be painful and not to look for daddy (or momma) to come bail them out of jail. I told them that I knew they would make mistakes and to call me if they ever needed a ride home if they happened to drink or find themselves in a situation where it was unsafe for them to drive while at the same time I discouraged drinking and drug use. But I would rather me come pick up a live drunk child than attend their funeral. Contradictory? Maybe. But they were aware I was no saint because I told them my mistakes - most of them anyway.

Anyhow, this has worked well raising our two boys and while I'm uncomfortable raising a daughter I thought I'd treat her the same and this method seems to be working really well with her - "The Bug". I'm sure I've bragged on "The Bug's" capitalistic nature with her many successful money making ventures and I'm sure I've mentioned how I have dreaded the inevitable "talk" with her. Not about the birds and the bees but about the IRS. I know this will kill some of her spirit. But I digress.

One of "The Bug's" money making ventures is baby sitting. She is wonderful at this and parent's fight each other over her. She loves children and will actually teach them to cook, read and do all sorts of things and the parents and children love this. One week this summer she earned more in a week than I did. All cash. And this goes into her savings account or is used to buy stocks or bonds. She has more than a savings account. She has amassed a small fortune from her egg sales, babysitting and vegie sales. She is also a Jr. Board Member at the bank and draws a salary for this as well. To say I'm proud is an understatement.

And she gets perks. Parents wanting their children to attend horseback riding lessons will pay her tuition so she will take their children to the classes and be with them. Its really something to see. A win/win deal for all. This is what I've tried to instill in her and she has picked it up magnificently but herein lies the problem.

One of the families who uses her for babysitting wants her to go with them on vacation outside the country with them. They will pay all her expenses and pay her to boot. She's 16. She's got a 3.98 average in school and has never given us one moments trouble and she has abided by our rules to a T. Loads of common sense too. Our agreement her has been you fly right and we will not hold the reigns. She wants to go. At first my wife agreed but got cold feet and changed her mind saying something could happen to her. Kidnapped. Sex trade. All those bad things. She told me this last night while "the bug" was upstairs supposedly out of earshot.

I over-rode her on this and was unflinching about it. I explained to my wife that in a year and a half "the bug" would be leaving for college and we have raised a wonderfully smart beautiful young lady and for us not to allow her to go would imply she has not earned our trust AND that our word is no good because she has followed the rules. On top of this, we allowed our youngest son to go to Europe for three weeks at the same age so what would this say toward discrimination?

While I can't say I am totally at ease with this but who is when you wean a child? But its inevitable. AND I'm uncomfortable because my wife isn't on board 100% and I know that if something did happen to "the bug" I would be facing a divorce. Of course this wouldn't really matter in the scope of things because if something did happen I'd spend my last dying breathe hunting down whoever was stupid enough to harm her. And their friends and their relatives. And their pets. Medieval is not the word for what I'd do to the sick be nice. That aside, I believe I must have faith in her to make good use of what she has been taught. Not trusting her, I fear, would break her spirit and paint us both as liars and I've been too brutally honest with them to start this. The vision of a beautiful free spirited horse running across the plain is just too much for me to risk saying no.

Jo, there is no reason for "the bug" not to go under the circumstances you presented. TN TUX already covered what I was thinking as I read down through your first message. I was thinking as long as it is not one of the countries listed by the State Department as dangerous for US citizens to travel in, it should be fine.

Go here to check for warnings:
http://travel.state.gov/content/passpor ... nings.html

 

[branguscowgirl]

Great story Inyati! Sounds like you were a wonderful father!

Jo- I had a similar experience with my daughter at that age. She was my one and only, so I had absolutely NO experience in child rearing! I bit the bullet and let her travel to Belgium to play in an International Soccer tournament that she was chosen for, to represent the U.S.. Whoo! That was a long way away from home! It was a chance of a life time for her, so I let her go. But we sure did a lot of talkin before she left. Sounds like you raised her well!!

 

[Jogeephus]

Thanks. She is a good girl and she has some sense. The sweet smelling one is just getting cold feet and I know its going to be hard on her but one day its inevitable that you let them fly and you can only hope for the best.

 

[MO_cows]

You hear a lot of people moaning and groaning about the younger generations. Well after reading about how some of you are raising your kids, I feel a whole lot better about the future. Some really good stuff here, these kids are going to make the world a better place.

 

[branguscowgirl]

You hear a lot of people moaning and groaning about the younger generations. Well after reading about how some of you are raising your kids, I feel a whole lot better about the future. Some really good stuff here, these kids are going to make the world a better place.

Everything grows better on the farm!!

 

[inyati13]

Great story Inyati! Sounds like you were a wonderful father!

Jo- I had a similar experience with my daughter at that age. She was my one and only, so I had absolutely NO experience in child rearing! I bit the bullet and let her travel to Belgium to play in an International Soccer tournament that she was chosen for, to represent the U.S.. Whoo! That was a long way away from home! It was a chance of a life time for her, so I let her go. But we sure did a lot of talkin before she left. Sounds like you raised her well!!

Green eyes, as a nurse you probably spent some time at one of these. It was an oil emersion microscope. I was able to buy it surplus from at the Helena Hospital. Otherwise, it would have cost a couple thousand for one of this quality. I did tissue preps for my son and we looked at everything we could find. I later bought him beakers, graduated cylinders, etc. and home taught him to do slide preparations. He knocked the cover off the ball in his Advanced biology class in high school. I have no doubt my effort paid big. He got his first degree at Montana State University in microbiology.

 

[Ouachita]

Now that's how it's supposed to be. Parents offering schooling at home too. They can't cover all the bases in public school, and so it makes sense that if a parent notices a special talent or gift within the child, they should do everything possible to nurture that gift. You did good inyati. Reloading too

 

[inyati13]

Now that's how it's supposed to be. Parents offering schooling at home too. They can't cover all the bases in public school, and so it makes sense that if a parent notices a special talent or gift within the child, they should do everything possible to nurture that gift. You did good inyati. Reloading too

When I got the microscope I set it up on my handloading bench. When I saw the joy he got from it, I went into another room, installed a kitchen counter, put in a sink and built him a first class lab. It probably cost me over $500. But it also added value to the house. I stocked the lab with all the equipment. He and I would sit down and enjoy going through catalogs ordering supplies. I taught him the art of using stains to reveal the different species of bacteria. He now is in the big leagues. This is one of his preparations: Intracelluar Distribution of Pro-Apoptotic BID in Mouse Embryonic Fibroblast Following Replicative Stress. This is part of his cancer research at Vanderbilt University.

 

[Jogeephus]

Impressive! Inyati, I believe your son and mine would have a lot to talk about. Its getting where mine is getting where he has to dumb things down for his old man. :lol2: