Menu
Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New media
New media comments
New profile posts
Latest activity
Media
New media
New comments
Search media
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles and first posts only
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Forums
Non-Cattle Specific Topics
Coffee Shop
Snappy answers (PG-13)
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Help Support CattleToday:
Message
<blockquote data-quote="9 ER" data-source="post: 89615" data-attributes="member: 940"><p>Snappy Answer #1</p><p></p><p>A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but </p><p>couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do </p><p>these turkeys get any bigger?"</p><p>The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."</p><p></p><p>Snappy Answer #2</p><p></p><p>The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop </p><p>said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."</p><p>When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way </p><p>without a ticket.</p><p></p><p>Snappy Answer #3</p><p></p><p>A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up </p><p>that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and </p><p>walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."</p><p></p><p>Snappy Answer #4</p><p></p><p>A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was booking </p><p>a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."</p><p>The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers </p><p>behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. </p><p>If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."</p><p>With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at </p><p>the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "screw you!" Without inching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."</p><p></p><p>And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....</p><p></p><p>Snappy Answer #5, </p><p></p><p>THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"</p><p>Steve, A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and </p><p>asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from </p><p>complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher </p><p>smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, </p><p>Drum roll...)</p><p>"Well Steve, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="9 ER, post: 89615, member: 940"] Snappy Answer #1 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Snappy Answer #2 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Snappy Answer #3 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." Snappy Answer #4 A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "screw you!" Without inching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too." And the VERY BEST snappy answer .... Snappy Answer #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" Steve, A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, Drum roll...) "Well Steve, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Non-Cattle Specific Topics
Coffee Shop
Snappy answers (PG-13)
Top