Snappy answers (PG-13)

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Snappy Answer #1

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #2

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #3

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Snappy Answer #4

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was booking
a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers
behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at
the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "screw you!" Without inching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."

And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....

Snappy Answer #5,

THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
Steve, A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher
smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,
Drum roll...)
"Well Steve, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
 
I think I am one of the few who appreciate sarcastic humor. I pulled up at the tire shop Friday with one VERY low tire. The guy looks at my jeep and says "got a flat?". I am thinking DUH! What do you think the other 3 are just over inflated giving you an optical illusion!?! No, maybe I pulled into Big O Tire to book a flight to Europe? Yeah I have a flat.... now fix it! Sometimes people deserve the stupid answers!
 

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