Running Arrow Bill
Well-known member
A psychiatrist asked a patient "How long do you want to live?" He replied, "Until I'm 80".
The psychiatrist said, "That's exactly how you'll feel until you're 79"
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A mother brought her 2 young boys to the psychiatrist. She said one was an "Incurable Pessimist". The other one was an "Incurable Optimist".
The psychiatrist said, "Toys for the Pessimist", and "Manure for the Optimist."
Mother went back home. She ordered new toys for her Pessimist boy. She ordered a load of manure for the Optimist boy.
Later...
The Pessimist begin throwing the new toys around and he was generally !@#$%& off. He said, "What JUNK! I want BIGGER and BETTER toys!"
The Optimist was down on his hands and knees, furiously digging in all that manure with bare handed. He said, "Where there's Manure, there's a PONY!"
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Neurotics build "Sand Castles In The Sky"
Psychotics MOVE IN!
And, the Psychiatrist...'COLLECTS THE RENT'
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A Woman was complaining to her psychiatrist about her unfaithful, mongering, and sloven husband. She was very upset and depressed over her predicament.
She said, "I could just kill myself!"
Psychiatrist said, "Don't kill yourself...shoot HIM!"
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A psychiatrist was serving as an expert witness at a murder trial for one of his female patients. He said that his examination of the woman revealed that she was competent to testify and that when she shot her husband with a 12 guage that it was "justifiable homicide".
The woman was put on the stand. When asked what happened, she said: "It was after midnight and AGAIN he came home drunk after I found out he often went to this other woman's house for fun. Then, when I heard him drive up, I got his shotgun out of the closet and let him have it when he came in the door."
The medical examiner at the autopsy could not find the man's pelvic region...
:shock: [/u]
The psychiatrist said, "That's exactly how you'll feel until you're 79"
-----------------
A mother brought her 2 young boys to the psychiatrist. She said one was an "Incurable Pessimist". The other one was an "Incurable Optimist".
The psychiatrist said, "Toys for the Pessimist", and "Manure for the Optimist."
Mother went back home. She ordered new toys for her Pessimist boy. She ordered a load of manure for the Optimist boy.
Later...
The Pessimist begin throwing the new toys around and he was generally !@#$%& off. He said, "What JUNK! I want BIGGER and BETTER toys!"
The Optimist was down on his hands and knees, furiously digging in all that manure with bare handed. He said, "Where there's Manure, there's a PONY!"
---------------
Neurotics build "Sand Castles In The Sky"
Psychotics MOVE IN!
And, the Psychiatrist...'COLLECTS THE RENT'
----------------
A Woman was complaining to her psychiatrist about her unfaithful, mongering, and sloven husband. She was very upset and depressed over her predicament.
She said, "I could just kill myself!"
Psychiatrist said, "Don't kill yourself...shoot HIM!"
----------------
A psychiatrist was serving as an expert witness at a murder trial for one of his female patients. He said that his examination of the woman revealed that she was competent to testify and that when she shot her husband with a 12 guage that it was "justifiable homicide".
The woman was put on the stand. When asked what happened, she said: "It was after midnight and AGAIN he came home drunk after I found out he often went to this other woman's house for fun. Then, when I heard him drive up, I got his shotgun out of the closet and let him have it when he came in the door."
The medical examiner at the autopsy could not find the man's pelvic region...
:shock: [/u]
