Menu
Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New media
New media comments
New profile posts
Latest activity
Media
New media
New comments
Search media
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles and first posts only
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Forums
Non-Cattle Specific Topics
Coffee Shop
poop!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Help Support CattleToday:
Message
<blockquote data-quote="farm princess" data-source="post: 589333" data-attributes="member: 3996"><p>How to Poop at Work</p><p>></p><p>> We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all</p><p>> kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing</p><p>> down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise,</p><p>> the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at</p><p>> work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at</p><p>> work.</p><p>></p><p>> *CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the</p><p>> office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets</p><p>> a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when</p><p>> you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.</p><p>> Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your</p><p>> pants.</p><p>></p><p>> *FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.</p><p>> Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the</p><p>> bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a</p><p>> FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you</p><p>> constantly going into the bathroom.</p><p>></p><p>> *ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a</p><p>> poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave</p><p>> of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge</p><p>> it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are</p><p>> standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not</p><p>> hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all</p><p>> involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel</p><p>> uneasy.</p><p>></p><p>> *JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a</p><p>> machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or</p><p>> a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the</p><p>> stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone</p><p>> the awkwardness of what just occurred.</p><p>></p><p>> *COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the</p><p>> poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the</p><p>> poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid</p><p>> being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.</p><p>></p><p>> *WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the</p><p>> door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a</p><p>> very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As</p><p>> with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not</p><p>> exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.</p><p>></p><p>> *OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is</p><p>> Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet</p><p>> Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under</p><p>> their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The</p><p>> Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.</p><p>></p><p>> *THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.FN)* A group of co-workers who</p><p>> band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without</p><p>> incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of</p><p>> Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.</p><p>></p><p>> *SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building</p><p>> where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are</p><p>> predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of</p><p>> a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.</p><p>></p><p>> *TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in</p><p>> the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the</p><p>> most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking</p><p>> a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the</p><p>> Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable</p><p>> eye contact.</p><p>></p><p>> *CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into</p><p>> the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to</p><p>> cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars.</p><p>> Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.</p><p>></p><p>> *SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert</p><p>> potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This</p><p>> will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a</p><p>> SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper</p><p>> can poop in peace.</p><p>></p><p>> *WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the</p><p>> toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If y ou</p><p>> feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion See</p><p>> CAMO-COUGH.</p><p>></p><p>> *HAVANA-OMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of</p><p>> loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an</p><p>> Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.</p><p>></p><p>> *AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around</p><p>> forever...Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the</p><p>> mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult</p><p>> to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to</p><p>> poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as</p><p>> the other bathroom attendees.</p><p>></p><p>></p><p>></p><p>> SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF~</p><p>></p><p>> The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed</p><p>> Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from</p><p>> straining so hard.</p><p>></p><p>> Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.</p><p>></p><p>> Cement Block = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you</p><p>> poop.</p><p>></p><p>> Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third</p><p>> flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it?</p><p>> This poop usually happens at someone else's house.</p><p>></p><p>> The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your</p><p>> a** before it falls into the water.</p><p>></p><p>> The Crippler = The kind o f poop where you have to sit on the</p><p>> toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.</p><p>></p><p>> The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you</p><p>> when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.</p><p>></p><p>> The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party. And when</p><p>> you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts</p><p>> to rise.</p><p>></p><p>> NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE</p><p>></p><p>> QUIT LAUGHING... POOPING IS A NATURAL PROCESS</p><p>></p><p>></p><p></p><p> ;-)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="farm princess, post: 589333, member: 3996"] How to Poop at Work > > We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all > kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing > down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, > the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at > work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at > work. > > *CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the > office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets > a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when > you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. > Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your > pants. > > *FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. > Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the > bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a > FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you > constantly going into the bathroom. > > *ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a > poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave > of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge > it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are > standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not > hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all > involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel > uneasy. > > *JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a > machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or > a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the > stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone > the awkwardness of what just occurred. > > *COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the > poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the > poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid > being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. > > *WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the > door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a > very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As > with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not > exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. > > *OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is > Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet > Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under > their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The > Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. > > *THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.FN)* A group of co-workers who > band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without > incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of > Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. > > *SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building > where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are > predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of > a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. > > *TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in > the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the > most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking > a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the > Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable > eye contact. > > *CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into > the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to > cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. > Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE. > > *SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert > potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This > will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a > SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper > can poop in peace. > > *WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the > toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If y ou > feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion See > CAMO-COUGH. > > *HAVANA-OMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of > loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an > Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE. > > *AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around > forever...Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the > mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult > to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to > poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as > the other bathroom attendees. > > > > SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF~ > > The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed > Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from > straining so hard. > > Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs. > > Cement Block = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you > poop. > > Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third > flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it? > This poop usually happens at someone else's house. > > The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your > a** before it falls into the water. > > The Crippler = The kind o f poop where you have to sit on the > toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down. > > The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you > when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam. > > The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party. And when > you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts > to rise. > > NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE > > QUIT LAUGHING... POOPING IS A NATURAL PROCESS > > ;-) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Non-Cattle Specific Topics
Coffee Shop
poop!
Top