Opinions please

[Jogeephus]

An elderly man just came to the house (9:30pm). He is a friend who is close enough that he celebrates Christmas and Thanksgiving with my family as he has no one else. He is 79 years old and has some health problems. He has a daughter who never visits or calls him unless she needs something. Last story was she and her hubby were fixing to lose their house so he baled them out. They bought a BMW after catching up on the payments with the money he gave them. He was livid. The list goes on but you get the point.

Anyhow, my problem is this. He has asked me on several occassions to come to his house with my trailer and get all his tools, woodworking stuff and his guns. He has a pile of stuff he wants to give me. He said I can put the tools in my shop and maintain the guns and if he needs any of them he will know where it is but when he is gone it will be mine. The reason I haven't already picked the stuff up is twofold. One he lives in another town and it will take me a day when its all said and done and I'm normally pretty busy this time of year. Second reason is I just don't know if this is appropriate for me to take all this stuff. I would like to have it - specially his guns - but how would this look? I don't want to look like a buzzard or someone taking advantage of an elderly person cause I'm not. I've never asked for anything from him other than friendship and advice.

His visit tonight gave me the impression of some urgency in his request. He is getting really frail and he looks much older than he did two weeks ago. I think he knows something is about to happen. I can just see it in his eyes and his pride will not let him just come out and speak bluntly. (He's the kinda guy who loses an arm and shirks it off as being only a flesh wound.)

Anyhow, I need some guidance here. Thanks.

 

[Alice]

What does it take? A house to fall on your head? Go get the stuff. He wants you to have it...it's obviously important to him that you have it. AND, I get the impression that he KNOWS you will be able to stand up to any criticism by his "next of kin." Grant him this wish, Jogee...please...

Alice

 

[2/B or not 2/B]

It sounds like he considers you a friend. If you consider him a friend too just do what you would do for any other.

 

[Running Arrow Bill]

I'd be careful... You could end up between a "rock and a hard place". If you decide to help him out, I'd "buy" the items from him for a nominal fee, including a bill of sale. His kids could get real nasty over a deal to "keep stuff for him"...

 

[somn]

It seems you have known the man for a fair period of time. You know him well enough to know if he is in his right mind or not if you feel he is thinking right then do both yourselves a favor do as the old man wishes make him happy and you happy. After all it is his stuff to do with as he sees fit.

 

[CattleHand]

Maybe he wants you to have it so his daughter doesnt get a hold of it. To me it sounds like he would be an ease knowing someone close to him got them instead. And if he ever needed them like he said he would know where to get them. Since he offered I'd take him up on it, just only take what he probably wont use and im sure he will be more than happy and then you can make it up to him with dinner or having him over or something. Sounds like a win win to me. But maybe I would be doing the wrong thing in the situation.

 

[skyline]

That's a tough one. If it was just you and him, I'd say honor his wishes and take the stuff. The daughter being involved kinda muddies the water. Not sure what to do with that. Worst case, you take the stuff, she finds out, you explain that her dad wanted you to have it, she blows up, and then what? To protect yourself against her, would it make sense to get him to give you a written statement transferring ownership of the items and attach an itemized list? Just fishing here. I'm at a loss.

 

[Nowland Farms]

Joo,

You should be honored that you friend wants you to have his things. He knows you will appreciate the items and keep them way he has all these years. What you friend dosen't want is for his greedy daughter and Son-in-law to have the stuff so they can sell them.

I too would be concerned about how it would appear but I would take a couple of buddies along to help "Load the trailer", they could be your witnessses should anything ever be said about what happened.

Make you friend happy by honoring his wish.

 

[Wewild]

Rent a storage bin and put it all in there. Wait and see. They maybe trying to process him out. Don't put it at your place. Document everything. Got to go as it is late.

 

[larryshoat]

It seems to me as long as he is alive, and in his right mind, that stuff is his to do with as he pleases .
At the same time I can understand your apprehension . I kind of lean toward taking it .He knows where he wants his stuff to end up .

Jo, I've come to know you as a person of honesty and integrity and I'm willing to argue with anybody that what ever you decide, that it will be in the best interest of your friend .

Larry

 

[1982vett]

Joo,

You should be honored that you friend wants you to have his things. He knows you will appreciate the items and keep them way he has all these years. What you friend dosen't want is for his greedy daughter and Son-in-law to have the stuff so they can sell them.

I too would be concerned about how it would appear but I would take a couple of buddies along to help "Load the trailer", they could be your witnessses should anything ever be said about what happened.

Make you friend happy by honoring his wish.

Having witnesses is probably a good suggestion.

Very tough and sad decision. Sometimes we are busy with our lives and in over our heads with our own problems that we fail to see when someone is asking us for our help. It appears he values your friendship and probably thinks of you as family. I'm sure he really wants someone that can use and put his things to good use to have them. You probably already have explained the negative side of the situation and why you are hesitant, but maybe if you told him you would be proud to accept his offer with one concession. I'm thinking that he needs to make a codicil to his Will stating the items he is gifting you and that they have already been given. Tell him that this will give you peace of mind and also for him to know the items will be where he wants them to be should help him be at peace also. May peace be with both of you.

 

[BTRANCH]

I agree with RAB that you should offer to buy the items, and if he refuses, then a written transfer of ownership (esp for the guns) is prudent.

I know you are busy, but how bad will you feel if something happens to your friend and you did not honor his request? It does sound like he does not want his daughter to have the items, probably because he knows she will not appreciate or there will be no special significance. Take a day and go visit. Let him tell you stories. That will be one day you will never want to trade.

Good Luck!

 

[Txwalt]

Lay it all out for him. Tell him like you told us. That perception and legal issues bother you about the hole deal but you are honored by his request. I'm sure he'll respond and ya'll will come to some kind of conclusion. I'm an A-hole by nature. I cherish my friends because I know exactly what they have to put up with to be friends with me. I lay it all out there often when I shouldn't. But, sometimes its the right thing to do. He obviously holds you in high regard. Man up!

Walt

On the other hand I'm an idiot so you probably want to disregard this post. :tiphat:

 

[CUZ]

Jo, Here's my suggestion. Write up a bill of sale for $100. (Sounds like it's worth a lot more than that.) You keep the original and he doesn't get a copy. Take someone to witness the transaction who is not kin to you. Give him the money in front of your witness. If he wants to give it back to you tell him you'll see him in a few days and ya'll can discuss it then, your witness should see and observe that part of the conversation but doesn't need to come back with you in a few days.

It might wind up a pain in the rear, but I'd try to honor the guy's wishes.

Just a word of warning - It is sometimes both a blessing and a curse to inherit (or bargain purchase) some things.

Good luck

PS I agree with larryshoat that you're not looking to "take" your friend, but rather trying to show your respect for his wishes without shooting yourself in the left one.

 

[3waycross]

Simplist thing to do is put yourself in his shoes. You know you're gonna go and you want your stuff to be with someone who has treated you better than family. How would you feel if they said they didn't want it?

Had kinda the same thing a few years ago, with a man who was like a grandfather to me for many years. When he knew he was going, he gave me his Deer rifle, and made me promise to pass it on in the family cuz we meant more to him than his own. It's one of my most prized possesions and already promised to my oldest son.

Take the stuff, make your friend happy
:nod:

 

[I luv herfrds]

Jo,
I would go and honor your friends wish. You are NOT taking anything from him. This man knows his mind and is not blind to his daughter and son in laws faults. He's not stupid either. Now if he wanted them to have these items he would not have offered them to you.
I'm going through the same thing with my grandmother right now, she is giving away her stuff too. These older folks just seem to "know" when their time is ending.

Don't wait too long or you will regret it Jo.

 

[Ryder]

Get him to sign a paper saying he is giving it to you to protect yourself. BUT take the stuff. To not take it is to deprive him of the joy of giving and of passing on what he has in the way he wants to do it.
I think it is wrong not to take it.

 

[hrbelgians]

I would grant his wish even though it feels like you are in the middle. If he has a good mind he obviously see's something we don't and is probably already aware of your feelings. But tell him exactly what you told us and be his best freind while you have the chance. I had a simular situation myself and everything worked out fine!
Follow your own gut feeling and good luck with whatever you decide!!

 

[john250]

Go get the stuff.
I doubt he'll want to sign anything and I'll bet he won't take any money offered.
If the heir wants to make a fuss, I don't think she'll have a leg to stand on.
Honor the man's wishes.

 

[Lammie]

I'd be careful... You could end up between a "rock and a hard place". If you decide to help him out, I'd "buy" the items from him for a nominal fee, including a bill of sale. His kids could get real nasty over a deal to "keep stuff for him"...

What Bill said.

He sound like my dad. He goes through phases where he tries to give stuff away, rather than allow my brother to "borrow" it. But he sounds like he really wants you to keep that stuff because he trusts you.