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OLD AGE
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<blockquote data-quote="la4angus" data-source="post: 80553" data-attributes="member: 132"><p>TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!</p><p>> > </p><p>> > An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to</p><p>> > report that her car has been broken into. She is</p><p>> > hysterical as she explains her situation to the</p><p>> > dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering</p><p>> > wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she</p><p>> > cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is</p><p>> > on the way" A few minutes later, the officer radios</p><p>> > in. "Disregard.", He says. "She got in the back-seat</p><p>> > by mistake." </p><p>> > </p><p>> > </p><p>> > Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house</p><p>> > together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She</p><p>> > puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other</p><p>> > sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94</p><p>> > year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and</p><p>> > see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I</p><p>> > going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is</p><p>> > sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to</p><p>> > her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure</p><p>> > hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She</p><p>> > then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon</p><p>> > as I see who's at the door." </p><p>> > </p><p>> > </p><p>> > Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing</p><p>> > golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other,</p><p>> > "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's</p><p>> > Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I.</p><p>> > Let's have a beer."</p><p>> > </p><p>> > </p><p>> > </p><p>> > A little old lady was running up and down the halls in</p><p>> > a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the</p><p>> > hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex." She walked</p><p>> > up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her</p><p>> > gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for</p><p>> > a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the</p><p>> > soup."</p><p>> > </p><p>> > </p><p>> > Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.</p><p>> > Over the years, they had shared all kinds of</p><p>> > activities and adventures. Lately, their activities</p><p>> > had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play</p><p>> > cards. One day, they were playing cards when one</p><p>> > looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me</p><p>> > . I know we've been friends for a long time, but I</p><p>> > just can't think of your name! I've thought and</p><p>> > thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what</p><p>> > your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least</p><p>> > three minutes she just stared and glared at her.</p><p>> > Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"</p><p>> > </p><p>> > </p><p>> > As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his</p><p>> > car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice</p><p>> > urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the</p><p>> > news that there's a car going the wrong way on</p><p>> > Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Well," said</p><p>> > Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of</p><p>> > them!"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="la4angus, post: 80553, member: 132"] TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! > > > > An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to > > report that her car has been broken into. She is > > hysterical as she explains her situation to the > > dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering > > wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she > > cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is > > on the way" A few minutes later, the officer radios > > in. "Disregard.", He says. "She got in the back-seat > > by mistake." > > > > > > Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house > > together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She > > puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other > > sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 > > year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and > > see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I > > going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is > > sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to > > her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure > > hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She > > then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon > > as I see who's at the door." > > > > > > Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing > > golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, > > "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's > > Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. > > Let's have a beer." > > > > > > > > A little old lady was running up and down the halls in > > a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the > > hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex." She walked > > up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her > > gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for > > a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the > > soup." > > > > > > Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. > > Over the years, they had shared all kinds of > > activities and adventures. Lately, their activities > > had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play > > cards. One day, they were playing cards when one > > looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me > > . I know we've been friends for a long time, but I > > just can't think of your name! I've thought and > > thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what > > your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least > > three minutes she just stared and glared at her. > > Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" > > > > > > As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his > > car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice > > urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the > > news that there's a car going the wrong way on > > Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Well," said > > Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of > > them!" [/QUOTE]
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