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Coffee Shop
Ok ladies and men, need some help! How do I get my wife to.
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<blockquote data-quote="rockridgecattle" data-source="post: 1138768" data-attributes="member: 6198"><p>Drs Henry cloud and John Townsend have written a series of books called boundaries. I am half way through boundaries and then I'm on boundaries in marriage.</p><p></p><p>Boundaries are like a fence....not a wall, a fence, with a gate. The gate opens to let good things in and close to keep garbage out of our lives. Some people grew up not knowing boundaries, crossing and breaking them. There are eight laws of boundaries and eight myths.</p><p>I'm working on the first two and have them memorized</p><p>1. Sow and reap. Pretty easy. However there is a part that needs to be brought up here. Enabling. Enabling is the interruption of reaping what is sown.</p><p>So for an example, a adult child, in the working world, on their own, experience monthly financial hardships. Continually, the parents send bail out money and can not figure out why they can't grow up. Why would they? The adult doesn't have to face the consequences of bad spending habits. They don't lose they home, don't go hungry, have a vehicle replaced...Orr fix fence. Constantly the consequences are interrupted like the catching a falling glasss. They only way people like this learn is from experiencing the hardship of crapy choices</p><p></p><p>2. Responsible to, but not responsible for. This is a hard one to explain. I'm responsible to my husband to remain faithful to my vows, but I'm not responsible for the choices he makes.</p><p></p><p>All boundaries come with consequences. Sometimes it's a fight to get our partners to understand and accept this. Some people have no concept of their surroundings. It's a me world, lack of empathy or caring....</p><p></p><p>So if you are tired of cleaning up her mess, you need to put a boundary and a consequence in place. It might not be best to do this at home, maybe out for dinner. Explain to her how much time this takes from your day. Explain this can't go on. Tell her your boundary. </p><p>Ask her why she does this? I don't know is a lie. This is going to hurt, what I am about to say...it's selfish to not turn the fencer on, selfish to expect you to fix this.</p><p></p><p>"It really frustrates me when I have to chase cows and fix gates just because the fencer was not plugged in. I need you to remember to......so that I can get my work done in a timely manner."</p><p></p><p>Then come up with a consequence. It has to be painful. It has to make her stop and think. She will fight you on this like a two year old. But you need to stick to it.</p><p></p><p>Consequence ideas.</p><p>She needs to take you out for dinner, she finds the sitter, plans the night out</p><p></p><p>She needs to pay you for the work...actual money for time spent. It's yours to do as you wish, ie that much needed power tool. If she says I want...no. Action...reaction...</p><p></p><p>She needs to get out there with you</p><p></p><p>You will think of something....non sexual...</p><p></p><p>If she doesn't follow through, something relational.</p><p></p><p>You have to value yourself enough or others won't</p><p></p><p>Finally....from either cloud or Townsend in a radio broadcast...." God puts up with a lot, but he doesn't put up with foolishness". </p><p>God has boundaries...read the book of Judges. Or john 3:16 and 36... Pretty steep boundary and consequence</p><p></p><p>Sorry for the book. This is something I'm working on at home. It's tough but with it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rockridgecattle, post: 1138768, member: 6198"] Drs Henry cloud and John Townsend have written a series of books called boundaries. I am half way through boundaries and then I'm on boundaries in marriage. Boundaries are like a fence....not a wall, a fence, with a gate. The gate opens to let good things in and close to keep garbage out of our lives. Some people grew up not knowing boundaries, crossing and breaking them. There are eight laws of boundaries and eight myths. I'm working on the first two and have them memorized 1. Sow and reap. Pretty easy. However there is a part that needs to be brought up here. Enabling. Enabling is the interruption of reaping what is sown. So for an example, a adult child, in the working world, on their own, experience monthly financial hardships. Continually, the parents send bail out money and can not figure out why they can't grow up. Why would they? The adult doesn't have to face the consequences of bad spending habits. They don't lose they home, don't go hungry, have a vehicle replaced...Orr fix fence. Constantly the consequences are interrupted like the catching a falling glasss. They only way people like this learn is from experiencing the hardship of crapy choices 2. Responsible to, but not responsible for. This is a hard one to explain. I'm responsible to my husband to remain faithful to my vows, but I'm not responsible for the choices he makes. All boundaries come with consequences. Sometimes it's a fight to get our partners to understand and accept this. Some people have no concept of their surroundings. It's a me world, lack of empathy or caring.... So if you are tired of cleaning up her mess, you need to put a boundary and a consequence in place. It might not be best to do this at home, maybe out for dinner. Explain to her how much time this takes from your day. Explain this can't go on. Tell her your boundary. Ask her why she does this? I don't know is a lie. This is going to hurt, what I am about to say...it's selfish to not turn the fencer on, selfish to expect you to fix this. "It really frustrates me when I have to chase cows and fix gates just because the fencer was not plugged in. I need you to remember to......so that I can get my work done in a timely manner." Then come up with a consequence. It has to be painful. It has to make her stop and think. She will fight you on this like a two year old. But you need to stick to it. Consequence ideas. She needs to take you out for dinner, she finds the sitter, plans the night out She needs to pay you for the work...actual money for time spent. It's yours to do as you wish, ie that much needed power tool. If she says I want...no. Action...reaction... She needs to get out there with you You will think of something....non sexual... If she doesn't follow through, something relational. You have to value yourself enough or others won't Finally....from either cloud or Townsend in a radio broadcast...." God puts up with a lot, but he doesn't put up with foolishness". God has boundaries...read the book of Judges. Or john 3:16 and 36... Pretty steep boundary and consequence Sorry for the book. This is something I'm working on at home. It's tough but with it. [/QUOTE]
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