JUST VENTING !!!

[Kathie in Thorp]

Dad going into assisted living -- fine -- he seems ready to do that. One sibling has blocked all efforts by the rest of the 6 of us to help him get moved, look at new lease papers or the listing for his house . . . he moved a week ago into AL and we didn't even get his frk'n address until tonight! She's moved onto his bank accounts, not just as a signatory, but a co-owner. Yes, there's a will ... with a codicil that bequeaths certain things to kids that have asked. Of course, you don't all get what you ask for. Going over a couple states next week with the stock trailer to see what's still there, and maybe buy a freezer and a piece of furniture if it's still there, and take what is now deemed by Dad to be gifted vs. bequeathed. But he's like "brain-washed." All the rest of us (6) would have come over, spent a good few days together, and helped him pack and move, and sort out the family things. Oh, no . . . . that was an issue with the instigator sister. Next closest by geo was able to help for the last 5 weeks, but Dad deferred to the younger, and he'd call the cops if the willing sister showed up when the snot was there (TG, Christmas, Easter -- the snot planned what would normally be "family get togethers"and did not invite the sibs closest nearby. Yep, there are issues). He said realtor said to just have 3 keys made for the house for sale: one for him, the witch sister, and the realtor. I can kinda get that, because neighbors and house-keepers have had the keys for years . . . but the witch told a brother it's because the other sister was stealing things from his house. Same day, dad had a bad connection for a couple hours w/ his cell phone that the other sister has paid for for years and years -- the witch texted everyone else that other had cut off Dad's cell service, since she didn't get through on one call.

(Something maybe that bothers me . . . within weeks of Mom's death, he was moving her pics out of the house and hoping to find a WOMAN!!!!! Fine mid-80s, out-of-condition, blind guy -- "I'd love to meet you; can you bring your jammies?" Spare me, Lord. But moving on . . .)

Planning a trip over there next week, and the house for sale is still "staged" for sale, so there's a bed . . . available. "WE'LL see if there's a place for you to stay," he said, while on speaker phone at his side with the snot, after I asked for an explanation about the 3 keys and cell phone stories, and mentioned the luggage check (to follow). WHAT BULL FECES!! (I've made other arrangements for housing.) Same snot sis asked one of my bros, while there for my mom's funeral 3 years ago, to check my luggage, to see if I was making off with something -- just heard about that a couple mos. ago. So tired of this. He just seems to ride along with it. Sometimes says, "Well, we'll talk about that . . . ," but we never do. The hog wash never comes up again.

BUT, after a talk w/ dad tonight and arrangments made today . . . I'm driving over, hiring a licensed/bonded/insured BBB-approved mover to help load whatever heavy stuff there is into the trailer, with him and 2 sisters present (good idea by the "other" sister -- 3rd party witness). We'll sort through some of the small stuff together. If there's some other coniption fit, I'm just going to say "No Problem," put the truck in gear and be gone.

Dad has no idea how toxic this snot sister is, and a few of us think there are mental health/control issues with her. We think it's pretty easy for him to listen to her rants for not long, and then become things he thinks he's heard verbatim himself as first-hand vs. hearsay. The "other" sister rightfully calls these "lies" with the snot sister and suggests implication by Dad; but as for Pa, I've told her, "this may be better approached as maybe 'confusion' or 'misunderstanding' on his part," rather than to suggest the honorable man would lie. There are way more stories than this one . . . lots more!!!

So, off for a road trip next week. Taking 2 extra days of 5 to visit friends in the area I haven't seen for awhile, so it won't be a totally wasted effort, no matter how it works out -- but if he can use help those 2 extra days, I'll do that. I just don't think he'll let it happen. Might be 5 days; might be over/back, if the snot sister gets in the middle and it all goes sideways.

I kind feel like I've been whipped pretty hard and put away wet.

 

[dun]

It sucks but it happens all the time. Seems like there is always one "snot" that causes most issues. Good luck

 

[melking]

Sorry for your trouble. I once had a cousin file a lawsuit on me....

 

[kjonesel]

Watched a brother in law who made a six figure income steal the estate from my wife right down to the coin collection my wife gave her mother. We were barely paying our bills. Fast forward 6 years his 3 kids have nothing to do with him, ours are in college and still love us. God does have a way of evening the score.

 

[lavacarancher]

Sorry for the hassle, Kathy. Seems like in most families there's always at least one. My brother was like that before he died. I told him he could have it all if that would keep peace in the family.

 

[callmefence]

I saw it happen to my grandmother by herself own sister which sickened me.
When my grandfather started talking about splitting things up and he had quite a bit. Well mom was going to be in charge, but the grandkids were getting shares. I had mentioned at one time I only cared about the land, I had no interest in the money or stocks.
Then the buzzards started circling. I made the decision I wasn't going to be a part of it. I wasn't going to worry over something that wasn't mine. I removed my self completely from the fight. Told em I didn't care do what you want, I'll take care of myself.
When the dust settled. Well things had been layed out just perfect for me. I know that doesn't apply to your deal. Just my story.

 

[skyhightree1]

Yea, I had some bs like that in my family and it sucks to put it nicely I wish you the best.. There is always one... We decided if we get older give the kids whatever they are getting while we are alive so no fighting can occur as its already ironed out.

 

[Workinonit Farm]

Kathie, that really bites. Unfortunately that seems to be the norm. As we all know, 1 little turd sure can create alot of havoc!

I hope things work out for you on your trip, best of luck to you.

I'm fortunate, when Dad died, the 5 sibs had no issues, dad laid it out plain as day, and we all made a point of not being a PIA, it just isn't worth it. It made it so much easier in the end. With any luck, it will be the same when Mom departs.

Have a safe trip.

 

[cow pollinater]

I'm sorry you have to deal with it, Kathie. I have a hunch I'm in for something similar with my sister when it's our turn and I've thought quite a bit about that and all I can do is be myself and not let the ugliness rub off on me. Sounds like you're in that place. You and yours will be in our prayers.

 

[JMJ Farms]

Kathy, I hate your situation is like this. I told my brothers several years ago that I would never fight them over something that isn't mine to begin with. Told my father that if he wanted me to have something he better fix it bc I wasn't fighting over it. However, I will do my best to make sure the "homeplace" is never sold. But that would be for sentimental reasons not monetary reasons. Hope it works out for yall.

 

[Nesikep]

This is the ONE thing I like about being an only child.. I think there'd have been a lot of positives for me having siblings, but stories like yours are quite common.

An older friend of mine (Neal) had a stroke in Feb and another last week, he had spent a month in hospital, and there were non-family members already laying claims on things he has... He's got lots of cool stuff, and he's really generous (don't every say "That's cool" or he'll just give it to you) and it makes me feel guilty of accepting something... He's got 2 kids, a druggie younger son and a daughter who seems to have her stuff together, but wants nothing to do with the 'home place'.
Thankfully the mutual friend of ours who has taken it upon himself to keep order in the place is pretty vocal, and puts people in their place if they step out of line. So Neal has lots of stuff I wouldn't mind having, but I'm not going to lift a finger to get anything unless it's explicitly given to me.. Just not worth the bad blood in a small town, though I know a little more about a lot of people here.

I don't envy you at all Kathie... but you have the right attitude about it.

 

[Kathie in Thorp]

I appreciate all your words of encouragement/empathy and prayers, CTB friends. I would not wish this craap on anyone, but seems to happen often. The "things" are not that important to me -- not so important that I couldn't just drive off. It's the lack of respect and, ya know, "KEEP US POSTED ON DAD!" -- and quit the BS. Will talk to ya'll in 10 days or so, and let you know how the trip went.

 

[Ryder]

I'll pass on some advice that was given to me by a soul of great wisdom.
"Always go first class". Do as you think best, but don't let yourself get down into resentment and negativity. If you do, you have lost.

 

[Kathie in Thorp]

Reporting back, as promised. Did the Idaho trip last week. Stayed with friends; no room at Dad's new small digs. Spent one day with Dad and the "good sister" packing/sorting/trashing; another day just Dad and me. Did not see or hear from the wicked sister, and only a few minor dust-ups with Dad ... hard for him to just get through the move with what he has room for, and then sorting out what was gifted to kids, or the kids bought from him ... and there's still lots more that has to find a home somewhere -- 60 years worth -- either via sale or some charity. It's not a "hoarder" situation; just "too many memories" things, besides the big pieces of furniture, appliances, etc. Sad . . . some are things collectible but none of us are interested/care about it/have room for it. He's pretty wired tight. Wound up leaving Idaho with my entire stock trailer filled front to back, hauling some stuff for other sibs between Boise and Seattle. And got good and sick while I was there, with allergy induced asthma, and that resulted in 2 more extra days in ID and OR, just to get my shyt together enough to deal with the drive home in spurts. I think he has an offer going on his house; he'll ask for a 30-day close to get everything else out . . . but not sure who will be able to do that for him, since only the wicked sister seems to be in charge. Also been issues about getting his phones changed around. His old house phone now goes to his cell, which he can pick up; but hasn't figured out how to get messages. I think he needs a more "blind user friendly" phone.

 

[Workinonit Farm]

Thx for the update. Glad that the trip wasn't a disaster. Sorry to hear you got sick. Doing these sort of things is never easy. I'm glad you all are able to get some of it done now while Dad is still around. Makes it a bit easier later.

 

[kerley]

It's good that you look after your father. It must be painful for him to leave his home and give up so many things that have been part of his life. When my Dad's brother passed and left my Aunt Lucy alone their Daughter who was a MD. in Reno, Nev. talked Lucy into selling her home and moving to Reno so she could be around family which was a good thing. I would have business in Reno at least once a week and always picked up some Kentucky Fried Chicken which made my Aunt happy. I would set at her apartment and she would talk of the "Good old day's" she was young in Oklahoma, we always had a good visit. One day I dropped by and Lucy was crying. She said that she had let her little Chihuahua out so she could potty like she always did, but this day Mitzy never returned. She said, " Sometimes your children's help includes giving up all the things you love in life". Your Children mean well, but...........

 

[kerley]

It's good that you look after your father. It must be painful for him to leave his home and give up so many things that have been part of his life. When my Dad's brother passed and left my Aunt Lucy alone their Daughter who was a MD. in Reno, Nev. talked her mother Lucy into selling her home and moving to Reno so she could be around family which was a good thing. I would have business in Reno at least once a week and always picked up some Kentucky Fried Chicken which made my Aunt happy. I would set at her apartment and she would talk of the "Good old day's" she was young in Oklahoma, we always had a good visit. One day I dropped by and Lucy was crying. She said that she had let her little Chihuahua out so she could potty like she always did, but this day Mitzy never returned. She said, " Sometimes your children's help includes giving up all the things you love in life". Your Children mean well, but...........

 

[boondocks]

Hang in there, Kathie!
There is (nearly) always one in every family. Sounds like you are dealing with it as well as possible--the witch will get hers, in the end. I truly do believe that!

My sister conned my grandfather into signing over most of his estate to her on his deathbed. It tore my whole family part. Lawsuits and the whole nine yards...So you have my sympathy!!!