WHY MEN AREN'T SECRETARIES...
Husband's note on refrigerator for wife:
Someone from the Gyna Colleges called.
They said the Pabst beer is normal.
I didn't know you liked beer.
********
Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods. Luckily for him, he found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden...POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said:
I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life! And as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!
Then POOF!...there she was...gone.
After Dave got hold of himself, he hollered for his friend Fred:
FRED! FRED WHERE ARE YOU?
Fred yells back:
I'M OVER HERE WHERE I JUST FOUND MY LOST BALL. IT'S RIGHT HERE IN THESE PUSSYWILLOWS AND I'M GOING TO TAKE A SWING TO KNOCK IT BACK OUT TO THE GREEN.
Dave yells back:
DON'T SWING FRED---DON'T SWING! For the love of God, FRED...DONT SWING YOUR CLUB!
*********
The Fairway ON A Windy Day
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows up her skirt and reveals she isn't wearing underwear.
Shocked, her husband exclaims:
Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?
She replies, Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any!
The Englishman immediately reached into his pocket and says:
For the sake of decency, here's 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show she is wearing no undies.
Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?
I can't afford any on the money you give me, she says.
He reaches into his pocket and says:
For the sake of decency, here's 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.
Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?
She too explains: You dinna give me enough money ta be able to affarrd any.
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says:
Well, fer the love o'Jaysas 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit!
********
Husband's note on refrigerator for wife:
Someone from the Gyna Colleges called.
They said the Pabst beer is normal.
I didn't know you liked beer.
********
Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods. Luckily for him, he found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden...POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said:
I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life! And as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!
Then POOF!...there she was...gone.
After Dave got hold of himself, he hollered for his friend Fred:
FRED! FRED WHERE ARE YOU?
Fred yells back:
I'M OVER HERE WHERE I JUST FOUND MY LOST BALL. IT'S RIGHT HERE IN THESE PUSSYWILLOWS AND I'M GOING TO TAKE A SWING TO KNOCK IT BACK OUT TO THE GREEN.
Dave yells back:
DON'T SWING FRED---DON'T SWING! For the love of God, FRED...DONT SWING YOUR CLUB!
*********
The Fairway ON A Windy Day
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows up her skirt and reveals she isn't wearing underwear.
Shocked, her husband exclaims:
Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?
She replies, Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any!
The Englishman immediately reached into his pocket and says:
For the sake of decency, here's 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show she is wearing no undies.
Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?
I can't afford any on the money you give me, she says.
He reaches into his pocket and says:
For the sake of decency, here's 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.
Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?
She too explains: You dinna give me enough money ta be able to affarrd any.
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says:
Well, fer the love o'Jaysas 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit!
********
