He's on the road again...

[Lammie]

Yes, my blind, 83, (almost 84) year old dad got his driver's license again. He wasn't even administered a vision test. This a man with macular degeneration so bad he can't see on cloudy days. Hasn't driven at night in years. I guess I can count my blessings on that one. My sister called last night to let me know. He barely was able to fill out the check and he was on the road again.

Time to have a talk, I guess. I have dreaded this moment for years. I hate feeling like my parents' parent.

 

[Horticattleman]

We just recently had to take away my grandfathers truck. It was getting too dangerous. He argued about it but he had no choice, he was gonna cause himself or someone else to get killed.

 

[backhoeboogie]

Lammie we are always dragging trailers thru the town your dad lives in. I never have a problem with the old timers. My problem is with the young-uns that pull out in front of the truck. It is hard to stop 15 tons of mass and I am depending on a 30 amp fuse that powers my electric brakes. I have had those fuses blow.

He'll be alright. Be glad you still have him.

 

[randiliana]

Yes, my blind, 83, (almost 84) year old dad got his driver's license again. He wasn't even administered a vision test. This a man with macular degeneration so bad he can't see on cloudy days. Hasn't driven at night in years. I guess I can count my blessings on that one. My sister called last night to let me know. He barely was able to fill out the check and he was on the road again.

Time to have a talk, I guess. I have dreaded this moment for years. I hate feeling like my parents' parent.

I feel for you Lammie!! ANd wouldn't want to be in your position. BUT, here is what CAN happen (happened here a few years ago)

Older guy in his 80's, it was well known that his vision was pretty bad. He was heading home from town one morning, came over a hill (going waaaay to fast) and hit a JD 4230(or similar) tractor from behind. The collision was hard enough to break the AXLE of the tractor. It killed that guy and the one in the tractor ended up with some back/neck injuries.

 

[rgv]

In Missouri ther is a number you can call and make an private request that the liscense be revoked They then have to get a doctor's approval before thaye can take the test again.

 

[mdmdogs3]

I'm afraid that I'd be making a call to his doctor - if he has md that bad the doctor should have restricted him by now and he just failed to remember to tell the drivers license bureau

 

[A6gal]

Lammie, my heart goes out to you. Been there. It is so hard when the roles reverse.

Thankfully when I was struggling with making that decision for my dad he burned the motor up in his old truck solving the problem because he didn't have anything to drive anymore.

My granddad had his liscense revoked due to poor eyesight but continued to drive an old volkswagon he talked someone into selling him for cash. He'd take off to the coast to go fishing at 80 years old (300 miles). Returning home from one trip he ran the VW under an 18 wheeler trailer he didn't see and flattened the car, miraculously no one was hurt. They held him in the county jail for driving without a license until my dad picked him up.

Lot's of Luck with your dad.

 

[peg4x4]

Oh Lammie,Lammie ~~ Been there,done that..It aint no fun
atall.. We had to "break" every thing that ran..Finially,had to put both mon and dad in a resthome..Dad had "senile dementia"
Mom had "Parkinsons" ~ I could not care for them 24/7,deal with 3 teens,and work 8-10 hours a day outside home.. No,nobody but me..

 

[Lammie]

It is just so sad... I appreciate everyone's comments and stories. I have mixed emotions. Traffic in that town is so bad at times. Used to be a real small town, but there's tons of development around the lake hiway. If he lost his license he's be totallty dependent on us. He can't even walk without a cane. My mother has never driven, as I have posted on similar threads here. She' s like his eyes in the car. I don't want to see them reduced to dependent status, but I don't want them to get hurt or hurt someone else.

Wow! You just never think about these days coming!

 

[icandoit]

Lammie, I feel for you big time. On one hand, once the elderly lose what they think is the last of thier independence, (driving), they seem to go downhill after that. At the same time, as a son/daughter of the people that are driving that shouldn't be, it's very stressful to think that when they are out on the road, they might seriously hurt or kill someone. Been there. I opted to take away the driving priviliges of my parents because I didn't think I could live with myself if they killed an innocent child. Go with your conscience. Best of luck.

Dick

 

[john250]

It is just so sad... I appreciate everyone's comments and stories. I have mixed emotions. Traffic in that town is so bad at times. Used to be a real small town, but there's tons of development around the lake hiway. If he lost his license he's be totallty dependent on us. He can't even walk without a cane. My mother has never driven, as I have posted on similar threads here. She' s like his eyes in the car. I don't want to see them reduced to dependent status, but I don't want them to get hurt or hurt someone else.

Wow! You just never think about these days coming!

My grandad made a left turn and caught a car in the passenger door. It nearly killed my grandma. As I reconstruct, I'm sure he saw the car coming, he just mis-judged the speed. Grandma was likely offering some assistance and he became indecisive. The older folks have some problems with those "go or no go" decisions.
The children moved them off the farm and into a house in town where they could walk to things. Took them shopping. Made it very possible for them to live independently but WITHOUT a car,
The grandparents were worse than any 15 year old ever was. They whined and whined and wouldn't let go of it. The children finally gave in and got them a car. They drove it maybe 500 miles a year and paid $3000 a year for insurance. But by god they were going to have a car. And my grandad died at 97 yr holding a valid drivers license, although he hadn't used it for 5 yr.
No government agency will take away their license. They all vote. It will be up to you if it is necessary to take them off the road. Good luck, and be strong.

 

[chrisy]

We don't have that problem over here, you have to have another driving test at 70 and one every 5 years after if you pass, so the decision is upto the driving examiner, and a good medical report. but good luck in your decision Lammie, and hope all goes well for you and your folks.

 

[Jogeephus]

Man I knew was in his eighties and would ease around the county in his truck. Had a handicapped tag cause he was legally blind. I voiced my concern (tactfully) to his son. He said he would be OK. A week later he was killed in front of the house. Head on collision with a woman and her kids - he was in their lane.

I don't know of any good answer. Its gonna happen to all of us. But its one thing to be a danger to yourself and its another when you are a danger to others. JMO

 

[GMN]

Yes, my blind, 83, (almost 84) year old dad got his driver's license again. He wasn't even administered a vision test. This a man with macular degeneration so bad he can't see on cloudy days. Hasn't driven at night in years. I guess I can count my blessings on that one. My sister called last night to let me know. He barely was able to fill out the check and he was on the road again.

Time to have a talk, I guess. I have dreaded this moment for years. I hate feeling like my parents' parent.

We went thru this with my grandma many years ago, when she was still alive, and it was terrible. She was so mad, she tried to bribe the eye doctor to let her pass the vision test. Really, after she lost her license, it did effect her whole life, she use to like going out to her friends house whenever she liked, after we all had to pitch in drive her here and there, plus it does cause effect a person emotionally too. Yet you can't have them, driving and possibly hurting some one else, it is for their own good as it is for others.

Good luck.

Gail

 

[Lammie]

I talked to him last night but didn't cover the driving thing. He's somehow managed not to have Medicare part B. I don't know when that stopped and neither does he. At least, I think it stopped. I went with them to sign up for the prescription thing last year and they were on Secure Horizons. Now he says they aren't. I am going to meet them at the insurance agent's to get this thing straightened out. Meanwhile, my sister, who acted like she was going to "take charge" with them, has bowed out. She called me last night and in no uncertain terms, bawled me out bigtime and handed the entire issue to me. I am trying to sell my house right now, and I have a full house, owing to my sons and possibly my step-son moving in. I guess I am going to either have to put them in a nursing home or get a big enough place to have them come stay with me. In the meanwhile, though, I will just have to sit down with them and offer to look at their financials and see what's going on.

I hope that when I am old, and I say this no w, at 43, that I am able to have made a plan for this time in my life so that my kids won't have to go through this. I hope I will know when to throw in the towel. I know, though, that when I',m old, I will be just as bad or worse.
;-)

 

[GMN]

I talked to him last night but didn't cover the driving thing. He's somehow managed not to have Medicare part B. I don't know when that stopped and neither does he. At least, I think it stopped. I went with them to sign up for the prescription thing last year and they were on Secure Horizons. Now he says they aren't. I am going to meet them at the insurance agent's to get this thing straightened out. Meanwhile, my sister, who acted like she was going to "take charge" with them, has bowed out. She called me last night and in no uncertain terms, bawled me out bigtime and handed the entire issue to me. I am trying to sell my house right now, and I have a full house, owing to my sons and possibly my step-son moving in. I guess I am going to either have to put them in a nursing home or get a big enough place to have them come stay with me. In the meanwhile, though, I will just have to sit down with them and offer to look at their financials and see what's going on.

I hope that when I am old, and I say this no w, at 43, that I am able to have made a plan for this time in my life so that my kids won't have to go through this. I hope I will know when to throw in the towel. I know, though, that when I',m old, I will be just as bad or worse.
;-)

I'm sorry to hear your sister is putting this all on you, really she needs to help you out. Maybe she is more afraid than anything.

I can't give you advice, because I do not have my parents alive anymore, but I have friends who have gone thru similar things, and it is not easy. I'm sure though you will find a way to help them, in your own way.

Gail

 

[peg4x4]

Lammie,Make plans now..Do not wait..Things will come up,and you will think"I've got plenty of time to make plans,I've gotta stomp out this fire NOW" And then it's 30 years later,and it's stillnot done.. Ask me how I know this..
Please,sit down with someone and get this done!!

 

[AngusLimoX]

What is the difference between somebody who is not competent to drive through the use of alcohol, and someone who has lost their faculties to the point they are not competent.

To knowingly let either one drive is irresponsible, if not criminal.

 

[peg4x4]

But it's your DAD/MOM! The one person above all that you love and respect... And have obeyed from day one...Now you must go agenst all those years..Been there..
so has my son

When Son was 15 ,my dad pumped out septic tanks,and son worked with him.. One day,they had pumped a tank,got down the road,and daddy was gonna dump the waste in the bar ditch! My 15 year old had to stand up to his Grampa,litterly jerk a wrench out of his hand,tell him either get in the truck or son would leave him by the side of the road... Rough? You bet..the kid was in tears telling me this..But couldn't let him do that.. Then I knew things weren't right..Took Daddy to Dr. He didn't know what year,day,prez,couldn't remember 3 words that I remember to this day.. Anyway...bite the bullet,you know whats gotta be done.. Ain't easy,never is..Best of luck..