cherokeeruby
Well-known member
FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN
>
>The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes
>to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
>However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
>
>St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good
>to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you,
>though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering
>an
>entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass
>it
>before you can get into Heaven."
>
>Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St.
>Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope
>that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."
>
>St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the
>test is only three questions.
>
>First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
>Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
>Third: What is God's first name?"
>
>Forrest leaves to think the questions over.? He
>returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now
>that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell
>me your answers."
>
>Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two
>days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That
>would be Today and Tomorrow."
>
>The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed,
>"Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point,
>and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.
>How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.
>
>"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is
>harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I
>guess the only answer can be twelve."
>
>Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest,
>how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds
>in a year?"
>
>Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
>January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.. "
>
>"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you
>are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not
>quite what I had in mind.....but I will have to give you credit for
>that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell
>me God's first name"?
>
>"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."
>
>"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St
>Peter.
>
>"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your
>answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world
>did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"
>
>"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest
>replied. "I learnt it from the song,
>
>"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH
>ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . "
>
>St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run
>Forrest, run."
>
>The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes
>to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
>However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
>
>St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good
>to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you,
>though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering
>an
>entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass
>it
>before you can get into Heaven."
>
>Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St.
>Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope
>that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."
>
>St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the
>test is only three questions.
>
>First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
>Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
>Third: What is God's first name?"
>
>Forrest leaves to think the questions over.? He
>returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now
>that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell
>me your answers."
>
>Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two
>days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That
>would be Today and Tomorrow."
>
>The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed,
>"Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point,
>and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.
>How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.
>
>"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is
>harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I
>guess the only answer can be twelve."
>
>Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest,
>how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds
>in a year?"
>
>Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
>January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.. "
>
>"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you
>are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not
>quite what I had in mind.....but I will have to give you credit for
>that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell
>me God's first name"?
>
>"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."
>
>"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St
>Peter.
>
>"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your
>answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world
>did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"
>
>"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest
>replied. "I learnt it from the song,
>
>"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH
>ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . "
>
>St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run
>Forrest, run."
