Family at Christmas

[Lammie]

I have a real vent here. I am so mad and frustrated I have been going on crying jags for two days. Here goes:

Mom and Dad are getting up in years. He's 84 and she's 77. I have posted before about them getting old and not being to take care of themselves as well as they might. I live about 40 miles away. My sister and brother live in the same town.

I decided at Thanksgiving that we would have dinner here for whomever wanted to come. I sent my son to get my parents. My siblings didn't some. They both said they had to work.

Now it is Christmas. We normally have it at Mom's and Dad's. They are too old and scattered to take care of planning a celebration any longer. I was thinking that this would be the year to take over. My sister and brother have never offered and my sister has a fine home.

Anyway, I told our parents not to worry, that this would be my year to host. We will get them and they can spend a couple of days with us. My husband's family will be in and out. My son will be home from school. I would take care of everything.

Sounds great? Well, neither of my siblings are coming. It pist me off so bad. I guess it is too inconvenient to drive 40 miles to spend what could very well by my dad's last Christmas with us. He had a heart attack last Christmas and we didn't think that he'd make it this far. I can't believe how self centered my brother and sister are. My sister is a nurse and she, I swear, makes arrangements to work every holiday to avoid having to do anything with the family.

I guess I am just going to have to start my own traditions. WHY must this become an issue now, at this time of year? I think they are both so afraid that they will have to step up and help, they want to avoid the whole thing.

How selfish!!!

I am afraid that if we can't come together on this issue, I won't have much to do with either of them again. "Course, when Daddy dies, they will be lined up to get whatever there is to get. This is the same brother who is married to the woman who had the ball$ to ask my dad who was going to inherit his house when he died!!!!!!!

 

[Alice]

Lammie,

This time of year can bring out the best in folks, or the worst. Do what you need to do...bring your Mom and Dad to your house and enjoy the time with them. If your sister and brother did come, they'd probably make the time there unpleasant.

We went thru something like this when my grandparents were still alive. Of course, money and inheritance was involved which makes for nasty business. My Daddy was not alive then, but we pretty much practiced what he'd done in regard to it...we kept our heads down and our mouths shut.

I don't know that I'd totally write my brother and sister off. You just do what you think is important and is good for your Mom and Dad...and don't feel as tho you must explain yourself to your brother and sister. They've chosen not to come...you don't need to fill them in on anything, unless they ask. Then simply say, "We had a wonderful Christmas...I'm so sorry you couldn't make it," and let it go at that.

Life's too short to get stressed over something you can't do anything about in the first place.

Alice

 

[Lammie]

Thanks, Alice. My husband seemd to think that I didn't give them enough notice, but Christmas is where it is, and it falls on the same day every year. No suprises there. We are than willing to work out a compromise on the day. I am willing to do all the work.

I just dread having to tell Mom and Dad that their other kids won't be coming. That's what makes me maddest. The lack of regard to our parent's feelings when they have done everything for us. We owe them. It shouldn't matter where they are during Christmas. They should be willing to go to be with our folks.

Our folk's dont have anything worth inheriting. I don't want that old house they live in. And there isn't really anything else. In fact, I was trying to get them to sell it and move into a retirement apartment near me so that they could be around more. Trouble is, I don't know where we'll be for the next couple of years, and I don't want to move them and have to move them again to more unfamiliar surroundings. They have lived in Granbury for 60 years.

 

[hillsdown]

Lammie I say good riddance to the ungrateful sob's.

Do Christmas with your family and your parents AND enjoy the time you get to spend alone with them.It's your siblings loss that they miss out on spending what little time is left with their parents.

My sister seems only to have time for my parents when she needs a baby sitter,or they need a free meal lately.

I butcher an animal give half to my parents only for them to turn around and give it to my sister and her family.The excuse is> well they have a new business and three little kids.WAAAAAAAAh.Maybe if she didn't spend 200 bucks at the hair dressers every other month or here is a suggestion sell your LCD big screen, you might be able to feed your family.(Our TV is 15 years old and not a big screen)

Mom and Dad are having Christmas this year at their house but guess who's supplying the the prime rib roast.Maybe she will bring the salad.Lettuce is very expensive you know :roll: :roll: .

How can two people out of the same parents be so different?????? :help: :help:

Sorry for the rant.

 

[MistyMorning]

Could do a rant too here guys. Is it odd or bad that I find comfort in the fact I'm not the only one who has these same kind of family issues?

 

[Txwalt]

Get it all out here. This is a great place to vent.

Walt

 

[hillsdown]

Get it all out here. This is a great place to vent.

Walt

As long as your family <siblings> aren't reading. :lol: :lol:

 

[brownmule]

well now that were on the "dr phill web page" my evil family trumps yours !! steven king story made short.. my grandparents raise me since i was 6 mos father stole me from mother for spite.. she was in mass.. i was in wv, my father and his brother never had any thingto do w my grandparents , mainly because my grandfather was a man of his word,, he said what he meant and meant what he said.. they were not farm material.. wouldnt do chores..etc so they left when they were 18 or so.. went out inthe world be be hoodlums .. after my grandfather died my father started comming around more when my grandmother got sick { i was here for her always have been} he showed up like a buzard in a tree....him and his brother... when she died i was exc. of the estate.. they tryed to railroad me.. wanting me to give the all the $$ etc they got life time estate on the farm w me owner... 5 yrs later many court dates they sued me to force me to let the farm be logged they wanted to clear cut it..i was able to hold them off for a long time but it ended up beeing loged but under a timber managment plan... i has been a bad time.. but lots of lession learned... mainly .. i know in my heart i did right by grandma.. they cant say that !!!
thats why i bought the land im having issues with that crazy woman now i can 't go home and farm the land i grew up on till they throw the first shovle of dirt on the 2 evil ones.. so...
ol turttle lady dont have a clue... who shes messing with...
with all that has happen past and present.. i will farm....

i hope you have a wonderfull xmas with your mom and dad.... im sure you will... those memories are priceless... dont let the " buzards get you down.... Rose

 

[Alice]

I just dread having to tell Mom and Dad that their other kids won't be coming. That's what makes me maddest.

Lammie, you don't have to tell your folks anything unless they ask. Then just tell them that your sister had to work and your brother had to go to his wife's family's home...or something. Lie like a cheap rug if you need to.

The lack of regard to our parent's feelings when they have done everything for us. We owe them. It shouldn't matter where they are during Christmas. They should be willing to go to be with our folks.

Yes, they should, Lammie, especially considering your parent's age and health. BUT, your brother and sister aren't gonna do it...and you can't make 'em. After your parents are gone they may, or they may not, realize what they missed. It's not your problem...you are doing what you need to do for your family and your parents. You will not have any regrets.

Our folk's dont have anything worth inheriting. I don't want that old house they live in. And there isn't really anything else. In fact, I was trying to get them to sell it and move into a retirement apartment near me so that they could be around more. Trouble is, I don't know where we'll be for the next couple of years, and I don't want to move them and have to move them again to more unfamiliar surroundings. They have lived in Granbury for 60 years.

This has obviously troubling you, Lammie...and that's because you are a compassionate, loving daughter. When the time comes, there is no doubt in my mind, anyway, that you will do what you think is best for your parents, and you will make the decision because you love and care for them the way they loved and cared for you. Again, no regrets.

Lammie, you can't make somebody "do right."

Alice

 

[Beefy]

i dread this time of year.

 

[stocky]

Lammie, lots of families have the same issues you are going through. Far too many of them allow these issues to drive wedges between them that they never get past until it is too late. Seems like the initial choices are to have the dinner at one of your siblings houses, which sounds like is not an option. The other two choices are to have it at your parents house or at your house. You sound like you are doing all the work, so having it at your house is your best choice and it is the choice you have made. If you dont want problems with your siblings, you have to get some things real straight in your own mind.
1. You have no control over your siblings.
2. You are not responsible for their decisions.
3. It is not your place to make excuses for them.
4. They make their decisions, but you are the one it hurts if you get mad or resentful toward them for their decision.
5. You are doing the right thing for your parents and your immediate family.
When you have those things straight in your mind, you can honestly tell yourself that you have done all you could, you invited them and have done the work. You can have a great time with your parents and they will have a great time with you. It will be a wonderful Christmas, and you will not have any ill feelings toward your siblings for their decision to do as they felt was best for each of their situations.
Enjoy and go forward happily and you will also rob them of the ill feelings they wanted to be able to display.
Merry Christmas

 

[Beefy]

one other option that would really make them look like an ass if they dont show up is to simply go to your mothers and "help" her fix for christmas.

 

[angie2]

I love my brother, and my sisters are my best friends. We can get mad at each other and feathers fly ~ but let someone else look sideways, and they have us all to handle. I can't imagine.

 

[Txwalt]

one other option that would really make them look like an ass if they dont show up is to simply go to your mothers and "help" her fix for christmas.

:clap:

 

[Ryder]

Lammie it is Christmas. Count your blessings that you can be with both your parents. There are people that would give anything to have that opportunity.

Your siblings have the right to do as they will. They have their lives to live. You have yours.

Just make sure you have Christ in your heart. That is what it is all about.

 

[GMN]

Lammie:

I would just go ahead with your plans, and make no explanations for your siblings as to why they aren't there, thats on them.

May be easier said than done, but that is how I would handle it, its their choice not to be involved so just go on and have a great time!

Gail

 

[GMN]

Lammie it is Christmas. Count your blessings that you can be with both your parents. There are people that would give anything to have that opportunity.

Your siblings have the right to do as they will. They have their lives to live. You have yours.

Just make sure you have Christ in your heart. That is what it is all about.

Very well said!

 

[Jogeephus]

Lammie, look for the good in this. You will have your parents all to yourself. Also, maybe your brother hasn't gone to the dark side as much as you may believe. Maybe his not bringing the ole buzzard to your Christmas dinner is his way of saying Merry Christmas!

 

[Calman]

Lammie I agree with Jo.
This may be your best christmas ever with no hassel.
Besides you won't be the one wishing you had spent more time with your parents.

Cal

 

[Lammie]

But how will we know that Christmas is over unless my SIL throws a tantrum at my brother about drinking too much? Withoug that clue, we might go on celebrating for days. :lol: ;-)