College Football

[TexasBred]

Here is the traditional collegiate football quiz to begin the season. Even though you may know most of the answers, it is still fun to reminisce the halcion days of yore.

1) What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
.........Drool.

(2) What do you get when you put thirty-two Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
.........A full set of teeth.

(3) How do you get an Iowa State cheerleader into your dorm room?
.........Grease her hips and push.

(4) How do you get an Ohio State graduate off your porch?
.........Pay him for the pizza.

(5) How do you know if a Kentucky football player has a girlfriend?
........There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.

(6) Why is the OSU football team like a possum?
.........Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

(7) What are the longest three years of a TEXAS football player's life?
.........His freshman year.

(8) How many Texas Freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
.........None -- that's a sophomore course.

(9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?
......... Mississippi...He knew that the police would never look at MSU for a Heisman Trophy winner.

AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)

(10) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
.........You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday,and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week

 

[Lammie]

Man I wish I could remember all those Aggie jokes I hear all the time. Nothing's better than an Aggie joke.

 

[Lammie]

A Longhorn walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he wants. He says he doesn't want anything, but asks the bartender if he wants to hear an Aggie joke.

The bartender says, "See that man to your left. He is 6'5 and 300 lbs. See that man to your right. He is 6'3 and 280 lbs. I am 6'4 and 275 lbs. You know what we all have in common. We're all Aggies. So do you still want to tell that joke?"

The Longhorn says, "No I guess not. I would'nt want to have to explain it three dang times."

 

[Lammie]

There was an Aggie that was down on his luck. In order to raise some money, he decided to kidnap a rich kid and hold him for ransom.

He went to the playground, grabbed a rich kid, took him behind a tree and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

The Aggie wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your rich kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, "A Poor Aggie."

The Aggie then pinned the note to the rich kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his rich parents.

The next morning the Aggie checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Aggie opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note.

The note said, "How could you possibly do this to a fellow Aggie?!"

 

[john250]

Why does IU (Indiana University) have artificial turf?
They had problems with the cheerleaders grazing.

 

[TexasBred]

Man I wish I could remember all those Aggie jokes I hear all the time. Nothing's better than an Aggie joke.

Let'em rip Lammie....I love Aggie jokes too.....one of the first things you learn as an Aggie is to "laugh at yourself". Lord knows I get to laugh plenty. :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Lammie]

There is a Texas Aggie named George, who is, to be expected, not too bright. He really wants to graduate, but is just not quite making it. He begins to tell people about his problems, and the townspeople get together and put pressure on the University to let George graduate.

At the graduation ceremony, the President calls George to the podium, and asks people what should be done with him. The audience chants "Give George another chance. Give George another chance. Give George another chance."

The President says "OK George. I am going to ask you a question. If you get it right, you can graduate. If not, you have to stay." He asks the audience what they think, and again they chant "Give George another chance. Give George another chance."

The President turns to George and says "OK, George. What is 2+3?" The audience is quiet as George ponders. After several minutes, he says, tentatively, "5?" To this the audience replies, "Give George another chance. Give George another chance."

 

[VanC]

One day in an elementary school in Ann Arbor, MI, a teacher asks her class if the Michigan Wolverines are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Illinois Fighting Illini "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Fighting Illini fan, my mom is a Fighting Illini fan, I guess that makes me a Fighting Illini fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Michigan fan."