Brokeback Burno (Adult content?)

[Texan]

A rough and tough old cowboy from Brokeback County in East Texas hasn't been feeling too good. He finally goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

The doctor comes back and says, "Caustic, since you always told me just like it is when I needed help with my cows, I'm not going to beat around the bush with you, either. I'm sorry to tell you, but you have AIDS, my friend."

Old Caustic tugs at his mustache and sets his jaw real firm and says, "Well I'll be dadburned Doc. I shore don't know how that coulda happened. What can I do now?"

The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."

Old Caustic squares his rugged old shoulders and asks, "Well, I shore believe in telling a man the truth and not sugar-coatin' it. I shore appreciate you for that Doc, but will all that mess cure me?"

"No, but it should give you a better understanding of what your a$$ is for."

 

[VanC]

Uh-oh. ;-)

 

[Miss Daisy]

I can't wait to see Mr. Burno's response!!! :lol:

 

[Texan]

I can't wait to see Mr. Burno's response!!! :lol:

Sorry, Miss Daisy. You might just have to wait. Since this is Saturday night, he might be out with a gentleman friend. ;-)

 

[msscamp]

Oh my! :shock: :shock: Texan, you either had an extremely good day, or else the day from h$&&! This should be very interesting. :lol: :lol: Where is Txag with her popcorn smiley?

 

[Arnold Ziffle]

Caustic walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the rim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."

Caustic certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"

"Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So Caustic gives him the $10, and the bartender drops it into the jar. "OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do: First - You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, - there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there's a 90-year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."

Caustic is stunned. "I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things...."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and Caustic has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up, and soon all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, Caustic screaming, the pit bull yelping, and then ............ silence. Just when they think Caustic surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?

 

[Texan]

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

Thanks, AZ. I feel like you just took the heat off of me.....

 

[Arnold Ziffle]

Texan, he'll probably come after us with a chainsaw or his trusty old 45-70. I just hope he doesn't put us on petting, washing and grooming duty for his favorite pet cows and hogs!

 

[msscamp]

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

Thanks, AZ. I feel like you just took the heat off of me.....

You have a point, Texan, but I don't think you are going to get away unscathed! ;-) :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Texan]

I ain't skeereda that old fart. If he messes with me, I'll fly him up here and kick his ass and then send him home hungry. :lol:

 

[msscamp]

I ain't skeereda that old fart. If he messes with me, I'll fly him up here and kick his ass and then send him home hungry. :lol:

You wouldn't happen to have any alternate sign on names would you? :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[TnWI]

oooooooooooooo this outta be a good one when Caustic gets here :lol:

 

[Texan]

You wouldn't happen to have any alternate sign on names would you? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Why? Have you ever noticed me having any great difficulties saying what was on my mind? :lol:

 

[Alan]

This is a little rougher so don't read on if you'll be offended.


I was in a bar the other night and after a while a huge biker came in called himself Flaboy. Well under Flaboys arm he carried an alligator, it was about 5 feet long. Flaboy sits the alligator on top of the bar, turns around and yells to the crowd "Hey all you S.O.B.'s, I want you to know I'm the toughest S.O.B. around and I'll kick any or all of your a$$es if you mess with me. If you don't think so watch this. Flaboy turns to the gator and undoes his pants and pulls out his parts. He makes a fist and it comes crashing down on top of the gators head with a hollow thud that echoed through out the bar. The gator slowly opens his mouth, wide open, and Flabay put his man hood in the gators mouth. Just as the gator snaps his mouth shout Flaboy pulls it out and puts it away. Takes a shot of whiskey and turn back to the crowd and yells out "any of you S.O.B.'s tough enough to do that? Dead silence in the bar, could have heard a pen drop, then out of a dark corner of the bar up steps Cuastic, looks at Flaboy and says "I ah, I ah, will.... but you, ah, you can't hit me on the head so hard.

 

[Texan]

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

Alan, I think you just saved me an' AZ, both.

 

[msscamp]

You wouldn't happen to have any alternate sign on names would you? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Why? Have you ever noticed me having any great difficulties saying what was on my mind? :lol:

Absolutely not! :lol: :lol:

 

[VanC]

This is a little rougher so don't read on if you'll be offended.

This is a surefire way to get me to read ANYTHING. Great joke, Alan. :lol: :lol:

 

[msscamp]

This is a little rougher so don't read on if you'll be offended.


I was in a bar the other night and after a while a huge biker came in called himself Flaboy. Well under Flaboys arm he carried an alligator, it was about 5 feet long. Flaboy sits the alligator on top of the bar, turns around and yells to the crowd "Hey all you S.O.B.'s, I want you to know I'm the toughest S.O.B. around and I'll kick any or all of your a$$es if you mess with me. If you don't think so watch this. Flaboy turns to the gator and undoes his pants and pulls out his parts. He makes a fist and it comes crashing down on top of the gators head with a hollow thud that echoed through out the bar. The gator slowly opens his mouth, wide open, and Flabay put his man hood in the gators mouth. Just as the gator snaps his mouth shout Flaboy pulls it out and puts it away. Takes a shot of whiskey and turn back to the crowd and yells out "any of you S.O.B.'s tough enough to do that? Dead silence in the bar, could have heard a pen drop, then out of a dark corner of the bar up steps Cuastic, looks at Flaboy and says "I ah, I ah, will.... but you, ah, you can't hit me on the head so hard.

Is it a full moon tonight or have you gentlemen just partaken of the wacky tobaccy? Things are getting interesting at CT! :lol2: :lol2:

 

[Caustic Burno]

Texan your are just going to have to get over being mad.
I know you got all dressed up in that little french maids outfit you brand in. As I responded to the pm you sent I didn't want to play who dropped the soap with you.
Nothing worse than a woman or gay boy scorned.

 

[Caustic Burno]

Caustic walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the rim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."

Caustic certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"

"Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So Caustic gives him the $10, and the bartender drops it into the jar. "OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do: First - You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, - there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there's a 90-year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."

Caustic is stunned. "I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things...."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and Caustic has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up, and soon all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, Caustic screaming, the pit bull yelping, and then ............ silence. Just when they think Caustic surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?

Well AZ back in my youth been said I could ride anything with hair.