Are you prepared ?

[Joy in Texas]

I have been taking care of one of my friends that I have had for 30 yrs. He has never been married. The only family he has left is 3 nephews from Illinois.
He went to the hospital Feb.28. For a simple operation. They ran some test and found out he is ate up with cancer. Poor thing,is going fast. He is in a nursing home in Seguin.
What really gets me about the whole thing is all of these greedy people that have come out of the wood works. The man is not even dead yet. And people are saying he gave me this or that. But yet not one of these pigs would help me with things that I need to do for him.
Just a question to all , Is all of your affairs in order ? I know it's something no one likes to talk about ,but this has been a real eye opener. No one has power of attorney over this man. Atleast he did have a will fixed up and he did have a living will prepared.

 

[Alice]

Thank goodness he has a living will and a will with an executor named. Does anyone know where the will is, Joy? It took me a really long time to find my aunt's will. That's when I discovered that she had named me executrix. I had already assumed guardianship of her and her accounts and her care. Fortunately, my sister was a huge help with her also. She lives in Burleson and was not able to do daily things, but she came often and spent an entire week here when I went out of town.

If your friend has valuable stuff, then yes, there will be creeps crawling all over trying to weasle stuff away. The will's executor needs to be aware of what's going on...not that he or she can do anything right away since no one has power of attorney, but the executor needs to know about being named executor and what is in store.

The nursing home staff might be able to help with this a little...say someone comes sniffing around to coax you friend into giving them something right now. The staff might be able to keep your friends visitors at arm's length by saying he isn't up for visitors. Your friend's doctor could do the same thing, I would think.

Alice

 

[Cow_Town]

This is a sad thing that occurs daily in this country. I have seen this on numerous occassions, and the fighting can get pretty bitter. Family ties just melt away when money and possessions are involved. I wouldnt insult the swine species or buzzards either one by comparing them.

 

[Bez>]

Grief and greed - a powerful combination.

Just last month a Colorado acquaintance lost his ranch.

Why?

Because Dad did not:

1. Have it set out in a will - which by itself is nothing anyways - any will can be challenged and usually is if the kids do not get along - or figure that one is getting more than the other. A will is a piece of useless paper unless it is backed by other items - and the good will of the family.

But - a will is one of the MANY necessary parts of an estate plan.

2. Did not have life insurance to cover the last expenses - burial - bills - equipment and land and animal expenses and so on - and then provide cash for his son to pay all the government taxes that come due. Bills were crushing.

3. Did not have life insurance to provide equitable amounts of cash to equalize the estate over all the siblings - which is what caused the real prob - everyone wanted some money and son could not raise it - so off to court it went and now it is on the block.

This one is so important - but most folks figure life insurance agents are just out for the sale. There are good ones and if you find one they are a fountain of excellent information on estate planning.

4. Did not sit down with all family members and discuss - openly what was to happen upon death of Dad. Amazing how few people will not talk about their death - and we all go out the same way - just some a little sooner than others.

And the beat goes on.

That man - who figured he was smarter than the government, financial advisors, lawyers and accountants - got took by the family!! Which is usually the case anyways.

So a fairly good sized operation went on the block and the one person who wanted to take over is looking for a job at 45 years of age.

All you old guys and gals who own an operation and figure you are smart take a look in the mirror - do not think it will not happen when you kick off.

Seen it before and I will see it again - all because of stupidity.

One final thing - you really think everything is in order?

Tell your accountant and lawyer to sit down and do this exercise: You and your wife just died - who gets what and how is the money divided up?

What are the true final costs? And will your kids be happy with the result - or will it go to court?

An exercise that cost us about 1500 bucks some three years ago - boy did we change things after we did that!

So - if you want to do an estate put this into perspective and yes I know it can be challenged but here is my thought procees on how to do an estate after going through it in fine detail:

1. Lawyers do law
2. Accountants do taxes
3. Financial advisors do investments
4. Bankers do money
5. Insurance agents do insurance
6. Major financial corporations - we used a top tier insurance company - do estate planning and bring all of the above together for a plan that can get as bullet proof as possible.

I no longer accept investment advice from an accountant or legal advice from a banker and so on.

Yeah, there are mixes and matches above - but I now go with the experts in their field. In other words, I no longer visit the mechanic to get my teeth fixed.

It is a worthwhile enterprise and should be started today - the younger your kids are the better for all. Then review it on an annual basis. Who says you will not get run over by a truck on the way to the hardware store tomorrow morning? (Hope not!)

If you actually do the above, I bet you get your eyes opened.

We sure did.

Do any of you see yourselves in this story? Time to act!

Bez>

 

[MillIronQH]

My wife is the Asst. DON at a nursing home in Luling. Sadly this is not an uncommon situation. More like an every day occurence.Z

 

[backhoeboogie]

I had a power or attorney on Dad. But once he was gone the Power of Attorney does nothing. It is only worthy for a living person. His girlfriend threw his will in the fireplace. It became a long court battle. You can bet there will be several certified true copies of my will scattered everywhere.

 

[Crowderfarms]

I had a power or attorney on Dad. But once he was gone the Power of Attorney does nothing. It is only worthy for a living person. His girlfriend threw his will in the fireplace. It became a long court battle. You can bet there will be several certified true copies of my will scattered everywhere.

A person needs a "durable" Power of Attorney. Goes further than a death situation.

 

[mnmtranching]

Yeah but :roll: All this stuff is good for too many hungry lawyers

 

[L Weir]

Joy of Texas- Does taking care of him mean everything like his place while he is in the nursing home? I would check his place every day to make sure things aren't being taken already.

My hubby thinks stuff like this won't happen to his family. He's the youngest of 7. I think he's going to be in for a big surprise. Some of his family like their money and like to spend it.

 

[Bez>]

Joy of Texas- Does taking care of him mean everything like his place while he is in the nursing home? I would check his place every day to make sure things aren't being taken already.

My hubby thinks stuff like this won't happen to his family. He's the youngest of 7. I think he's going to be in for a big surprise. Some of his family like their money and like to spend it.

Hi L Weir

Have him read my post -then if you want particulars, I will do it via pm - keeping it private and no names in the story.

It so happens my family / extended family have been there twice due to attitudes like your husband and the father of the person I am acquainted with in Colorado.

It is because of this I have gone to extensive lengths to prevent it.

And most important - a will can and will be challenged if someone decides the outcome is not to their satisfaction. So in reality it is only worth the paper it is written on. There needs to be much, much more effort put into an estate plan.

I do not claim to have all the answers, but I do know it takes a team of people to make an estate fairly solid. A lawyer and a will is only a very small part of the solution.

It also takes family knowledge of what the desired outcome is to be - prior to the death of the person who holds the financial keys.

All parties and recipients need to be aware of what goes where and who gets what - openness does not solve all problems - but it does take the risks down a good percentage.

Otherwise even the strongest will can be held up for years due to legal action.

Not enough people are aware of this.

I go back to one of my original statements - Grief and greed make for a powerful combination. And the results are not always pretty.

Regards

Bez>

 

[Caustic Burno]

Land deed dollar bill and a woman will make a man break seven of the ten commandments.

 

[Workinonit Farm]

Excellent advice Bez>.

Katherine

 

[Joy in Texas]

Joy of Texas- Does taking care of him mean everything like his place while he is in the nursing home? I would check his place every day to make sure things aren't being taken already.

My hubby thinks stuff like this won't happen to his family. He's the youngest of 7. I think he's going to be in for a big surprise. Some of his family like their money and like to spend it.

Yes , I feed the horse and dog. His place was already broke into when he was in the hospital. Thank goodness they didn't take very much. I have the only key to the place now. I go by and check everything in the mornings on my way to the nursing home. And once in the evenings.
In the will as far I know everything is left to the 3 nephew,s. That's why it's hard to believe some of these people. One of the nephew's calls me pretty much everyday. They came down the first week of March. You would not believe some of these people.Those poor guys were over whelmed by these greedy fools. They listened to them and promised nothing.

 

[Joy in Texas]

Excellent advice Bez>.

Katherine

I agree it's great advice. My dad has his will all done. There is 5 of us kids. 2 Of my brothers are executor's. My dad decided there would be no fussing or fighting over anything. If one of my sister-in-laws voice an opinion on anything. That one brother will lose his spot and it goes to the next one on the list. I thought how strange he is , but he has seen his share of what greed can do. I asked him why he did it that way,and he said most of the trouble he has seen in his life came from in-laws.

 

[Susie David]

At that age now...we did the living wills awhile ago.

Nothing like a death and a little money to bring out the best in the family dynamic. My mother kept a ledger all her life..was my brother surprized when the will was read and all the money that he had borrowed over the years was recorded and deducted. DMc

 

[Stepper]

One time while i was deer hunting a guy that we were hunting with got a emergency phone call and had to go home. He had deer dogs running at the time so me and another friend caught the dogs to take to the fella that go the emergency call.

When we pulled up at his house. He said that his wife had called because a next door elderly man who they had been taken care of was in bad shape.

He continued to tell us that the man refused to go to the hospital and that he was about to die. He said that when the man died he was going to catch a bunch of flack from towns people there because the old man had no family and willed everything he had to him and his wife. Which at the time according to this guy was just a old house on a city lot.

He wanted us to go witness how good of care him and his wife had taken of the old man. So we walked across the street to the old house. When we went in there was not furniture in the house. It was winter time and there was not heat in the house. Although at the time it did get pretty warm during the day. We followed this guy into the back of the house and there laid this old man on a cot with just a white sheet
covering him.

The guy who was showing us just how good he had been taken care of the man would not go up to him to see how he was doing. So i walked up to him and he looked like a skeleton. His eyes was open but fixed. He could not blink them. I tried to talk to the man but he could not speak.(now remember this guy who had been taken care of him said he would not go to the hospital) I looked at the guy and ask him how he knew he did not want to go to the hospital if he could not speak. This guy would not look me in the eye.

I immediately got on my cell phone and called an ambulance. Found out later that the old man was so dehydrated he could not blink his eyes because he was dried out.

Also found out the old man was a decorated veteran. And had several hundred thousands dollars in the bank.

 

[Alice]

Stepper,

Did this man think that you would just validate what he said, even after you saw the condition this poor old man was in? Did this man actually think that you would just stand by and do nothing to help this old man? I'm surprised that he actually asked you to take a look at him.

This is an incredibly sad story...and it makes me angry to think that someone not only let this old guy get this ill, but he also asked you to go along with it. Good GAWD, the nerve...

How did this finally play out?

Alice

 

[Limomike]

living wills are good.. but a trust is better....

 

[Stepper]

Alice,

I think it was wishful thinking on this guys part that i would spread prays arround town about how good of care him and his wife had been taken of this old man. I knew of this guy/wife all of my life but did not know him very well. But what little i did know of him fit this incident to a T.

After calling an ambulance. I was standing there looking at the old man laying there and on the sheet over his stomach. There was a wet spot about 3 inches in diameter that was stuck to him. It had a yellowish tint to it. And the room stunk pretty bad. I thought the old man had probably deffecated on himself. I raised the sheet and that wet spot was caused by a huge, huge sore (more of a open wound) And it was loaded with maggots in it. I just about puked when i saw that. He had alot of other sores on him also.

I turned and looked at my friend and told him to look at this. He could not stand to look at it. I looked at the guy who was suppose to have been taking care of it. And he said him and his wife had been doctoring that open wound but could not keep the flys off of it. But while he was tring to convince me of this he would not look me in the eye and he was teary eyed. He knew what he had done. He was wanting that old man dead so he could go to the bank in my opinion.

While we were waiting on the ambulance. I was looking through the mans kentchen to see if he had any grocherys or anything to eat in the house.(not that he would have been able to of eat or prepared it for his self) But the cabinets, were empty. When i opened one of the cabinet doors i found a fairly big bowl and it was full of quarters, nickels, dimes.

There was a old army feild jacket hanging on a clothes hanger that had some medals hanging on them. One that i was told to be a purple heart.

This happened about 20 years ago. The old man at that time would have been i guess in his 60s. So i dont know what war he would have been in. But according to towns people who knew him a little he could not speak english very well. Sort of pegion english.(that sort of has me puzzled how could he be a U.S. war veteran and not speak english ?) But he had lived there in that old house with no furniture for probably not much telling how many years. He never owned a vehicel. He was drawing a large check from the VA. And he would just buy grocherys with some of it and put the rest in a bank. He lived about 3 blocks from a grochery store there in town that he walked to and from to get his grocherys.

About a week after we called the ambulance and they put him in the hospital. The old man died and the man/wife who had been taken care of him bought them a new house/new truck/land etc...., They went on a spending spree for several years after the old mans death.

 

[Alice]

20 years ago...I guess the creeps could've gotten away with it. Can you imagine what the docs thought when they looked at that old guy's sores? I will hazard a guess and say that now the authorities would have been called. Not only is there child protective services, there are elderly protective services. This doesn't mean the creeps wouldn't have gotten the old man's money, but they might have been charged with neglect since they were apparently known as the caretakers.

This is so tragic...I know you were heartsick over it...and angry beyond belief. I'm glad you called the ambulance...at least you and the paramedics and the docs knew what kind of people these were, and even better, the creeps knew you knew.

Alice