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Coffee Shop
A True Southerner
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<blockquote data-quote="la4angus" data-source="post: 25813" data-attributes="member: 132"><p>Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a</p><p>> > conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH"</p><p>them.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,</p><p>></p><p></p><p>> peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction</p><p>of</p><p>> "yonder."</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as</p><p>in:</p><p>> > "Going to town, be back directly."</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a </p><p>request for</p><p>> the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in</p><p>> the middle of the table.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might</p><p>not use</p><p>the</p><p>> term, but they know the concept well.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of</p><p>> > solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried</p><p>> > chicken and a big bowl ! of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's</p><p>> > trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near"</p><p>and</p><p>> "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road"</p><p>can be 1</p><p>mile</p><p>> or 20.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference</p><p>> > between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing</p><p>turn</p><p>> signal is actually going to make a turn.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb,</p><p>or an</p><p>> adverb.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do</p><p>> > "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in </p><p>line," we talk to</p><p>everybody!</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're</p><p>> related, even if only by marriage.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Southerners know grits come from corn ! and how to eat them.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee</p><p>are</p><p>> perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast</p><p>> > food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin',"</p><p>you know</p><p>you</p><p>> are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk."</p><p>Sweet tea</p><p>> > indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea</p><p>> > unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little</p><p>> > old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless</p><p>her</p><p>> heart" and go your own way.</p><p>> ></p><p>> > To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:</p><p>> Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the</p><p>> morning. Bless your heart!</p><p>> ></p><p>> > And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding</p><p>> > all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are ! fixin'</p><p>> > to have classes on Southernness as a second language!</p><p>> ></p><p>> > And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a</p><p>> > long time, ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that</p><p>> > reads "I aint from the South but I got here as fast as I could."</p><p>> ></p><p>> > Bless your hearts, ya'll have a blessed day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="la4angus, post: 25813, member: 132"] Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a > > conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. > > > > Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, > > peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." > > > > Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of > "yonder." > > > > Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in: > > "Going to town, be back directly." > > > > Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for > the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in > the middle of the table. > > > > All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the > term, but they know the concept well. > > > > Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of > > solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried > > chicken and a big bowl ! of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's > > trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! > > > > Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and > "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile > or 20. > > > > Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference > > between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. > > > > No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn > signal is actually going to make a turn. > > > > A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an > adverb. > > > > Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do > > "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody! > > > > Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're > related, even if only by marriage. > > > > Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll." > > > > Southerners know grits come from corn ! and how to eat them. > > > > Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are > perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast > > food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. > > > > When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you > are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! > > > > Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea > > indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea > > unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. > > > > And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little > > old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her > heart" and go your own way. > > > > To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: > Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the > morning. Bless your heart! > > > > And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding > > all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are ! fixin' > > to have classes on Southernness as a second language! > > > > And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a > > long time, ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that > > reads "I aint from the South but I got here as fast as I could." > > > > Bless your hearts, ya'll have a blessed day. [/QUOTE]
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