A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son

la4angus

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
5,063
City & State/Province
South La
Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.

Love, Ma
 
Crowderfarms":34026jo9 said:
la4angus":34026jo9 said:
Crowderfarms":34026jo9 said:
La, you been takin my neighbors mail out of the box again?
Dang'it I didn't know that was your neighbor.
Problem is I'm not sure what neighbor it was...Did they have teeth?
They didn't have none in front, but the little girl about 12 yrs old had a wad of chawing bacca in her mouth and carrying a 1/2 gal moonshine she was sipping on.
 
la4angus":3pgy1i1w said:
Crowderfarms":3pgy1i1w said:
la4angus":3pgy1i1w said:
Crowderfarms":3pgy1i1w said:
La, you been takin my neighbors mail out of the box again?
Dang'it I didn't know that was your neighbor.
Problem is I'm not sure what neighbor it was...Did they have teeth?
They didn't have none in front, but the little girl about 12 yrs old had a wad of chawing bacca in her mouth and carrying a 1/2 gal moonshine she was sipping on.
Yep, those are the one's I was afraid it was.I keep questioning them about that little Gal being a bit wobbly, but they swear it's Kool Aid in that jug.Just dont ask her mama out for a date. Heard she farts louder than a Kentucky Mule.And the smell could knock a maggot off a gut wagon at 100 yards.I see the green haze around their security lite right now.Be careful.
 
Crowderfarms":2ww1u7pw said:
Yep, those are the one's I was afraid it was.I keep questioning them about that little Gal being a bit wobbly, but they swear it's Kool Aid in that jug.Just dont ask her mama out for a date. Heard she farts louder than a Kentucky Mule.And the smell could knock a maggot off a gut wagon at 100 yards.I see the green haze around their security lite right now.Be careful.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
OH geeees crowder..... I am sick to my stomach visualizing all that...problem here is...... they actually got em like that........

When we first moved back here.... some years ago........we went to a local auction,,,,a weekly get together for the locals to sell each other their junk, and swap BS stories.........well, I was kinda admiring this young lady standing next to us, but feeling kinda sorry for her, cus she obviously has a painfullly large tooth abcess, from the size of the lump in her jaw..........I was about to be a kind neighbor and invite her to see my wife at the office the next day, when she pulled her two lovely little children to the side, and spit out this humongous chaw of tobacco onto the floor...........yikes........instand cure of that abcess..The wife was not oblivious to the proceedings, and in a whispered tone in my ear...OMG, where have you moved us too!.....UUUUGGGGHHH! :oops:
 
Medic, I've been thinking of making a calendar of some of the roughest women in this country. I thought up until now I could find them all in the frozen Pizza isle at Wally World, but I may have to broaden my horizons to your neck of the woods... :shock:
 
Crowderfarms":1ix5agy0 said:
Medic, I've been thinking of making a calendar of some of the roughest women in this country. I thought up until now I could find them all in the frozen Pizza isle at Wally World, but I may have to broaden my horizons to your neck of the woods... :shock:
Shoot Crowder, them women where you live are tame in comparison to the ones in Medic's area.
 
Don't bet on it LA. There's some around here rougher than a Corn Cob.I saw a Lebanese pair the other day (Medic know's what I'm talking about). They were both dipping Skoal. They even had a little boy with them. They were both wannabe men.I 'll tell you one things for sure, you would'nt wanna tangle with em'.I held my breath as I walked past them.
 
I don't know if you guys will remember a few years ago when we voted on if the chicken fights should be outlawed or not. As I was walking out of the voting place (Our local school) there was 5 people walking in to vote. They appear to have just walked out of the hills, if you know what I mean. It looked as if they had not seen a hair brush or a bath in months. I was having a hard time not looking when my little boy (5 years old at the time) said "mom look at that, they look crazy." It was one of those times I wished I was somewhere else. :oops:
Greenwillows Wife
 

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