2nd Marriage Etiquette

[ChrisB]

Our niece is getting married for the second time this fall and my wife and I are having a little disagreement on what is expected of us.

Her first marriage ended about 5 years ago basically because being a wife and mother wasn't as fun as she imagined it was going to be (at the time her family was disgusted with her and said she was just too selfish). My wife and I were very close to her as she grew up and although we only see her a couple times a year now we are still somewhat close. She met another nice guy and this will be his first marriage. They have been living together for the last couple of years and are planning a very nice wedding. Our family is invited to the wedding and my wife and daughters are also invited to a bridal shower.

My wife feels we are obligated to buy a nice gift for both the shower and wedding since we are family; I feel that since it is her second marriage a simple gift would be fine. I don't want to make it sound like I am cheap and don't want to spend any money, but it is more on principle. They are both professionals and make good money, I would suspect they already have everything they need since the gift suggestions on the shower invitation were mostly frivolous things. We spent a lot of money on her first wedding since our kids were flower girls and had to pay for dresses and all the other stuff involved with that, and we gave a nice gift.

Am I being old-fashioned in my thinking of one bridal shower gift and one wedding gift? I would feel different if her last husband walked out on her or something but she left him and her daughter. Or should I just shut up buy another couple gifts and forget about it?

 

[TennesseeTuxedo]

A simple gift is sufficient. I agree with your position.

 

[slick4591]

If it were me in your shoes I'd let the wife handle it. They're better at that kind of stuff.

 

[alisonb]

and her daughter.

I'm not in her shoes and don't want to judge but can't understand how a mother can do that. Presents are only material things, don't let them or the lack of them ruin a relationship.

 

[J&D Cattle]

I'm with you but would never win the arguement with my wife.

 

[Dave]

I agree with you but how much of an issue is it for your wife. It is nothing worth getting over excited about. I think this would be one of those times when I state my case and then let the wife decide how she wants to proceed.
But what do I know? I don't have one of those wife types hanging around.

 

[melking]

Hello Chris B,
I do not know you but I have been around a long time and this is absolutely a wife call. Danger Will Robinson!!

 

[dieselbeef]

buy something for the new groom if ya like him....gun or hunting stuff maybe....tell the daughter she already got hers last time

 

[hillbilly beef man]

Let your wife make the call on this one. There are very few things in life worth arguing with a woman over, and this is not one of them.

 

[snake67]

If it were me, I would show up in a clean set of clothes, shake his hand, give her a hug, wish them all the best, eat their food, drink their booze and leave with a warm thankyou - after all, they invited me to the party.

I might bring them a bottle of wine of some decent champagne with a "do not open until year 5" written on it if I was feeling generous

However - if you are smart and I suspect you are - you will do as your wife tells you, you will shut up, you will smile, you will be on your best behaviour, you will pay supreme attention to your wife no matter what the scenery is like, and you will leave early enough to drive all the way home.

Do this and you will be a God.

Remember - any points you gather up can be lost with even the smallest of lingering glances at a great set of legs or boobs - women love to dress so nice when it comes to weddings - so put the blinders on. LOL

Ignore my advice at your own peril.

Have fun and best to all

Bez

 

[ALACOWMAN]

If it were me, I would show up in a clean set of clothes, shake his hand, give her a hug, wish them all the best, eat their food, drink their booze and leave with a warm thankyou - after all, they invited me to the party.

I might bring them a bottle of wine of some decent champagne with a "do not open until year 5" written on it if I was feeling generous

However - if you are smart and I suspect you are - you will do as your wife tells you, you will shut up, you will smile, you will be on your best behaviour, you will pay supreme attention to your wife no matter what the scenery is like, and you will leave early enough to drive all the way home.

Do this and you will be a God.

Remember - any points you gather up can be lost with even the smallest of lingering glances at a great set of legs or boobs - women love to dress so nice when it comes to weddings - so put the blinders on. LOLIgnore my advice at your own peril.

Have fun and best to all

Bez

you got me wanting to go, and i aint even invited........

 

[Dave]

If it were me, I would show up in a clean set of clothes, shake his hand, give her a hug, wish them all the best, eat their food, drink their booze and leave with a warm thankyou - after all, they invited me to the party.

I might bring them a bottle of wine of some decent champagne with a "do not open until year 5" written on it if I was feeling generous

However - if you are smart and I suspect you are - you will do as your wife tells you, you will shut up, you will smile, you will be on your best behaviour, you will pay supreme attention to your wife no matter what the scenery is like, and you will leave early enough to drive all the way home.

Do this and you will be a God.

Remember - any points you gather up can be lost with even the smallest of lingering glances at a great set of legs or boobs - women love to dress so nice when it comes to weddings - so put the blinders on. LOLIgnore my advice at your own peril.

Have fun and best to all

Bez

you got me wanting to go, and i aint even invited........

I could go and look all I wanted. Someone just needs to invite me..... or Ala and I could be the wedding crashers

 

[ALACOWMAN]

naw funerals, where you can do some consoling ;-)

 

[Stocker Steve]

Hello Chris B,
I do not know you but I have been around a long time and this is absolutely a wife call. Danger Will Robinson!!

Pretty much everything on weddings and relationships is a wife call. I focus on work (and hunting).

 

[Bigfoot]

I wouldn't get them anything. Especially anything house warming. There house should be warm enough if they've been living together.

 

[Dave]

naw funerals, where you can do some consoling ;-)

You might have a point. I generally try to avoid funerals but if you don't know the guest of honor...... And the trouble with weddings anymore is as much is I would like to get close to the Maid of Honor, I somehow get stuck with crazy old aunt Martha. Must have something to do with age.

 

[cow pollinater]

Put me in the weddings are a wife call group. Consider it dollars well spent on your love life. It might even help to point out that you're letting her make the call. Maybe they'll all be so happy with you that they ask you to give a toast at the reception like I was unexpectedly asked to the last time I went to a wedding... We all raised glasses and I said "May your make-up sex always be with each other". That was five years ago and I'm still in trouble...

 

[john250]

Put me in the weddings are a wife call group. Consider it dollars well spent on your love life. It might even help to point out that you're letting her make the call. Maybe they'll all be so happy with you that they ask you to give a toast at the reception like I was unexpectedly asked to the last time I went to a wedding... We all raised glasses and I said "May your make-up sex always be with each other". That was five years ago and I'm still in trouble...

First raise your objections and THEN let her make the call. Women are always happier if you argue a little before you give in to their superior ideas. :lol2: If you give in too quickly she'll see that you pushed the job off on her.

If I ever marry again, CP, you're invited to the reception.

 

[cow pollinater]

If I ever marry again, CP, you're invited to the reception.

That might be one i'd go to but I can't reciprocate the offer as if I ever wind up single and deciding to re-marry I'll do it the same as I did the first time around... In the front yard with a handfull of imediate relatives and no guests with a simple weekend getaway for a honeymoon. Our life together was started so much better by those savings that I'd never recommend it any other way.

 

[Dave]

Put me in the weddings are a wife call group. Consider it dollars well spent on your love life. It might even help to point out that you're letting her make the call. Maybe they'll all be so happy with you that they ask you to give a toast at the reception like I was unexpectedly asked to the last time I went to a wedding... We all raised glasses and I said "May your make-up sex always be with each other". That was five years ago and I'm still in trouble...

First raise your objections and THEN let her make the call. Women are always happier if you argue a little before you give in to their superior ideas. :lol2: If you give in too quickly she'll see that you pushed the job off on her.

If I ever marry again, CP, you're invited to the reception.

If I ever get married again someone please shoot me. But I would love to go to weddings where CP is giving a toast.